Somebody Save Jennifer
by treehilluver23
Summary: We all have problems, but for Jennifer Humphrey they are much bigger. Will she be able to get over her addiction with his help? NxJ
1. One: Save Me

**Title: **Somebody Save Jennifer  
**Fandom:** Gossip Girl  
**Pairing/Character(s):** Nate/Jenny, but other characters are involved.  
**Rating:** M  
**Spoilers:** Completely AU  
**Summary:**_ We all have problems, but for Jennifer Humphrey they are much bigger. Will she be able to get over her addiction with his help?_

**A/N: **I honestly don't know what possessed me to write this story. I was pretty board and I just started writing. It's been a while since I have written a chapter story. I have two that I have yet to finish. I think that this story will help me to finish those. I hope that you all like this story.

xoxo, Alex

* * *

**Chapter One - Save Me**

_I'm all alone tonight,  
No stars are shining on me  
I'm thinkin' I'd be alright  
If somebody would just call me, yeah_

_I know that I'm not crazy,  
Everybody must get this way, sometimes  
So look around,  
For the people in your life that say_

_Save Me  
I need somebody's help here  
Thought it would be alright but  
I'm not pullin' through on my own  
Is anyone around who can Save Me  
I'm fallin' down it's crazy  
If this is the pain God gave me,  
I'm cool with that,  
But wont somebody Save Me _

Jennifer Humphrey looked down at the long red lines along her arm, as the blood trickled down, hitting the cold bathroom floor beneath her. She could feel the rush, but it wasn't as powerful as the one she'd felt days before. This rush was weak compared to that one. She wanted to feel it again. Picking up the small piece of glass from where she had shattered the mirror above the sink (it now an array of broken glass and shampoo bottles) and put it up to her arm. She watched at the blood began to drain her arm slowly, gliding down in a slow steady motion. The high was back. It was back in full force and stronger than ever. Jennifer loved this feeling. It was intoxicating and it made her forget just how cruel the world actually was on the other side of the door. To drown out the whiskey laced screams of her father and the distraught cries of her weak mother. The feeling was amazing to the young girl and even if it was for a second, it took Jennifer to a place that was happy and bright. A place unlike the hell she lived everyday. A place that didn't consist of her being beaten half to death for breathing. Her head was spinning so much from the high, that she could no longer remember where exactly she was. There was brightness in her mind then it went black.

Jennifer awoke with a strange feeling in the pit of her stomach. It felt empty, like she hadn't eaten in day. Her head ached with a sharp pain, that bolted her eyes open. Looking around, she saw egg shelled walls and a small TV in the corner of the room. Jennifer tried to sit up but she couldn't. The muscles in her body ached too bad for her to even move. She felt helpless.

* * *

**Five Months Later**

Jennifer Humphrey looked downed at her suitcase, the last of her clothes stuffed inside. Her world had come crashing down even more that it already was five months ago, leaving her a shattered mess. After cutting herself and blacking out, Jennifer awoke in Brooklyn hospital hooked up to a machine that was restoring her blood. Jennifer couldn't remember how exactly she'd gotten to the hospital or even when she blacked out. But she was told that she was found on the bathroom floor with blood spilling from the veins in her arms. If it wasn't for her worried uncle and cousin she would have died. But sometimes Jennifer wished that she was dead. That way she didn't have to listen to her mother and father fight all the time. Her father was drinking himself to sleep and getting mad when her mother tried to clean up the shattered beer bottle. Her mother was spineless, letting her father push her around and then apologize when he really didn't mean it. Jennifer's mother would always believe him, until she ended up in the bathroom covering her bruises with eye make-up and anything else she could find.

Sighing to herself, Jennifer zipped up her suitcase and made her way out of the Brooklyn apartment and into the street where her uncle was putting her thing in the van. She and her uncle(her father's brother) was taking a tip into Manhattan where Jennifer was attending St. Jude's & Constance Billard Boarding school for girls and boys with her cousin Dan.

"You ready for this?", her fuzzy faced uncle asked. He was one of the few people that actually cared about Jenny, and if it wasn't for him, again, she would have died.

"Ready as I'll ever be", Jenny commented softly, handing him the last suitcase. She watched as he put it in back of the car before climbing in. Jennifer's uncle reminded her so much of her father except he was nicer. Her uncle's voice was soft and kind, but her father's voice was loud and harsh. "Thanks for this, uncle Rufus", Jennifer smiled once her uncle got into the car.

"Anything for you, Jenny", Rufus Humphrey smiled, ruffling her now blonde hair. Jenny was a natural brunette but as she got older, she no longer wanted to look like her mother and father so she died her hair with the help of a friend. Sure enough, her father disliked it and beat her half to death but to Jenny it was all worth it. It was also the first time she started cutting herself.

As they drove, Jenny started out the window at all the bright lights of the city. She let her mind wonder to her mother and how she was going to be able to cope now that she was leaving. Her mother was never one for being alone and Jenny thought that it was one of the main reasons she'd never left her father. She was afraid that she wasn't good enough and no man would ever love her. But Jenny thought her mother was wrong. She saw her mother as a beautiful woman with a great personality and heart. It was all covered up though, six years ago when Jenny was only ten, her father's career had taken nosedive. His business went broke and he became a drunk. The first time Jenny saw him hit her mother was when she stated that he would find a way to get through it and when he didn't, that was when the beatings started for the both of them.

So caught up in her own thought's, Jenny didn't noticed that the car stopped. She looked over at the school and her mouth dropped in awe. It was like a college campus, but nicer. The grass looked as if it had been polished and the students looked like they'd just walked out of a fashion magazine. They also looked filthy rich. Getting from the car, Jenny walked to the back where Rufus was unloading her stuff.

"This is amazing", Jenny expressed, a bright smile on her face. The school was like nothing she'd ever seen before. Her school back in Brooklyn was a mess compared to this one. There were times when Jenny didn't go to school because she was too beat up by her father to do so. "I think I'm going to like it here".

"I think you're going to like it here, too", a deep familiar voice spoke from behind Jenny. The voice was deep but not deep enough. It had to belong to one person.

Spinning around, Jenny jumped into her cousin's awaiting arms. "Dan!".

Dan picked her up from the ground and swirled her around the way he would always do. He loved his cousin like sister and to see her so down five months ago scared him. He had no idea that Jenny was doing that to herself and he certainly didn't know that her father was abusive. He knew about him losing his job six years ago, but thought for sure he had one by now. "I missed you, Little J".

"I missed you too, D". Once she was back to her feet, Jenny smiled at him. He was much older than the last time she had seen him. He was taller and his hair had grown more. "This place is amazing".

"I know. You want me to show you around?". Jenny nodded happily. Dan said a quick hello his father before telling him, "Jenny and I are going to look around a bit, ok dad". Rufus gave him the nod. Dan threw his arm around Jenny's shoulder and the two of them walked through the campus.

Jenny listened as Dan told her all about the different building and what they all meant. He told her of the school hangouts and all the people he knew. He also informed her of the dorm rules and that she was to have a roommate. When asked where he stayed, Dan told her that he was in the boys dorm next to hers. To make sure that she knew where it was, Dan walked her there so that she could see how he lived.

"This is casa de la Dan", he announced as he opened the door to his dorm room. Jenny's mouth dropped again at how nice they were. It was like a very expensive apartment. There was more than enough space for two people to live here. When Dan pointed to his side of the room which was far left, Jenny ran over there to check out the area. "What do you think?".

"It's amazing", Jenny smiled as she looked through her cousins belongings.

"Uh, Jenny". Dan waited until he'd gotten her attention. When he was sure that he had it, he continued. "How have you been?".

Jenny knew that he was going to ask sooner or later, she was just hoping it would be never. It saddened Jenny to know that Dan knew about her problem. She wanted him to see her at her best and not when she was a bloody mess on the bathroom floor. Jenny shrugged before answering. "Five moths with out a single blade to my wrist".

"That's good, Jenny. I'm really proud of you", he stated honestly. He reached over to her, and pulling Jenny into his arms. With Dan and her uncle Rufus, Jenny always felt safe. She knew that they were ever going to hurt her. "If you ever need anything, you know where I'm at, ok?". Jenny nodded.

Just then, the door of Dan's dorm roomed opened up. "Whoa, am I interrupting something?", a deep voice separated the two.

Dan laughed and so did Jenny at the facial expression of the boy that opened the door. Jenny assumed that he was Dan's roommate though he was accompanied by another male. "Not at all, man".

"Are you cheating on my step-sister, because this is real rich if you are. Should I give Gossip Girl a call?", the one that Jenny assumed wasn't Dan's roommate sneered, pulling out his cellular phone.

"I'm sorry, Chuck, but not everyone can be unfaithful and a man-whore like you", Dan countered. Jenny couldn't help but smile at the way her cousin was standing up to this guy Chuck. Usually Dan was the one to stay out of confutation but with this guy he really didn't seem to mind. "And if you must know, this is my cousin Jennifer Humphrey".

Jenny smiled brightly and waved at the two of them. Chuck was pale a looking guy with short blackish hair. It was slicked back from his face, and he was wearing a manly scented cologne that Jenny could smell the moment he walked in. His pants were rather tight but very suitable for him. He was stylish to say the least. But he was also very handsome. He was a complete opposite from Dan's roommate. The boy with the blue eyes was handsome. His light brown hair fell over his eyes in a long messy bang. He was wearing a navy blue shirt and charcoal colored jeans that fit him perfectly.

"Well in that case…", Chuck started off slow, pushing pass the blue-eyed hottie and making his way over to Jenny. "It's a pleasure to meet to Jennifer". He took her hand in his and kissed it like the men on the old movies and television shows would do. "I'm Chuck Bass".

"Nice to meet you", Jenny tired to say without laughing. Chuck wasn't her type of guy, though he was a really good looker.

Pushing Chuck from out of his way, Dan's roommate, extended his hand out to Jenny. "Ignore him…I'm Nathaniel Archibald, but you can call me Nate. It's really nice to meet you". Jenny smiled as they shook one another's hand.

"As much fun as this is, I have to walk Jenny back to her dorm and say bye to my dad", Dan interrupted both Chuck and Nate from drooling over his baby cousin. Jenny waved good-bye one last time before she and Dan headed out the door.

When they reached her dorm, Rufus had already placed her stuff inside and was waiting for her outside the building. "Everything is inside". Rufus announced. He hug Jenny tight one last time. "Call me if you need anything OK, kiddo?".

"I will, I promise". She wasn't scared at first to leave her uncle but she was now having second thoughts. She was to start in a new place where the only person she knew was Dan. Sure he was going to be there with her, but Dan already made a name and a life for himself at St. Jude's & Constance Billard. It was Jenny's turn to make one for herself as well. Dan gave his father a hug after Jenny and then the two of them watched as Rufus hopped back in the van and headed for the city.

"The same applies so me too ok. Call anytime you need me", Dan repeated to her for what seemed liked the hundredth time that day. It was sweet to know that he cared about her so much, but Jenny was sure that she would be fine. She hadn't cut herself in five months and Rufus found a place near the school where Jenny could continue going to her meetings. "Alright. We're having dinner tonight in the Union, be ready at eight".

The pair said their goodbyes before Jenny went back into her room. Upon walking in the door, Jenny was met by the smiling face of her roommate. "So, that incredibly hot guy that just dropped off your stuff, tell me you have his phone number".

Jenny looked the girl up and down then made face. "That 'hot guy' was my uncle and he would so be in jail", Jenny scoffed, walking over to the bed near the door which was loaded with her stuff.

"Damn. I'm Agnes Shaw by the way. You're Jenny. I know because your uncle told me. I love your scull-and-crossbones bracelet. Can I borrow?", Agnes asked, sitting on the tiny space of bed that wasn't covered with Jenny's things. She lifted the bracelet up and twirled it in her hand.

Jenny looked at her in shock. That was the bracelet that she'd packed in her jewelry box. "You went through my stuff? What the hell, Agnes".

"I didn't got through all your stuff, just your jewelry, which is very nice by the way. It's just that it was so shiny and pretty and well…", Agnes trailed off once she saw the daggers that Jenny was shooting her. Agnes had long brown hair that was sitting on top of her head in messy bun. She even had chocolate eyes to match. Her skin was very tanned, a fake Jenny assumed. She wore a long flowing dress printed with white roses and a purple backdrop.

"If you want us to get along, then you're going have to respect my things", Jenny explained. She'd never lived with anyone besides her mother and father and they never came into her room. If they did, it was only to yell at her for something she didn't do. "I don't really like it when people go through my stuff, OK?".

Agnes nodded, standing up from the bed. "I'm sorry, Jen. It's just that I've never had a sister and I thought maybe we could do the whole sharing thing….Sorry I was wrong". Agnes handed Jenny back the silver piece of jewelry and went back to her bed.

Jenny actually felt bad for snapping on Agnes they way she did. Jenny never had a sister either and it probably would have been nice to do that with Agnes. Jenny finished unpacking her stuff and by the time she was done it was already 7:35. Agnes had gone by then, so Jenny was left alone in the silence. It felt good to be alone for a while. Jenny had spent the past five months sheltered with everyone monitoring her moves. Jenny ran in the bathroom for a quick shower and dressed before Dan arrived. She decided on a short jean skirt and a simple pink shirt with a cursive white J on the front. Just as she slipped on her ballet black flats, there was a knock on the door.

"Hey", Jenny smiled at her older cousin when she opened the door. "Let me grab my jacket, ok?". she grabbed the small black jacket from off the back of her desk chair and headed out with Dan.

"So, how is your roommate?", Dan asked curiously.

"She's and insane bitch that went through my stuff", Jenny snapped, as the two of them walked to the Union that Dan pointed out earlier in the day when giving her a tour. There were a lot of other people walking around all dressed up. "You know she asked to borrow my bracelet after she got it from the stuff".

Dan laughed at his frustrated cousin. Dan reminisced back to the time when he'd first arrived at St. Jude's & Constance Billard. he and Nate got into an argument over who got the bed by the window. Dan ultimately ended up wining. "Look, Jenny, you're just going to have to get use to living with another person".

"What if I don't wanna?", Jenny pouted very childlike, crossing her arms over her chest. "She calls me Jen".

Dan laughed again at his hysterical cousin, draping his arm around her shoulder. "You're going to have to get use to it….Jen". Dan continued to laugh as the entered the Union.

Dan walked her over to a table near the back where four people where seated. Two being Nate and Chuck. The both had changed from the clothes they wore earlier in the day when she'd first met them. There were also two girls seated at the table. One was a sparkling blonde that looked as if she belonged in a fashion magazine. The other was a saucy brunette with a sparkly head band, pushing back her hair.

"Hey everybody!", Dan greeted happily the moment they walked up to the table. They all looked at Jenny and smiled, Chuck harder than others. It was actually starting to freak Jenny out. "Everyone this is Jenny. Jenny you already know Nate and Chuck".

"Hi". Jenny smiled at the both of them.

"This lovely girl is my girlfriend, Serena. The one I told you about". Dan gestured towards the blonde that Jenny thought was stunning. "And Blair". The saucy brunette gave a wave.

After ordering their food, the group begin to talk about random things such as the test they recently took in a class. Every now and then, Dan would turn to Jenny and tell her about the teachers he had when in her grade. Jenny was loving the fact that she was hanging out with Dan's friend. It was nice to have people not judge or criticize her for the problem she had in the past.

Jenny was seated in between Chuck and Dan, and there were times when she felt his hand graze her thigh. It didn't seem intentional until the second time when she looked over at him and he smiled. Jenny thought that Chuck was handsome but she just wasn't into him that way. Nate was more along the lines of Jenny's type. He was handsome, tall and he seemed to have a great sense of humor. Even when Dan told a lame joke, he laughed. Jenny caught herself staring at Nate the whole time. She didn't even hear Serena call her name until the second time.

"So, how do you like your roommate Jenny?", Serena asked. Once close to her, Serena looked like a goddess with her long flowing blonde hair and well put on make-up. Her clothes looked amazing and she had a really great personality from what Jenny could tell.

"Not so much. She went through my stuff while I wasn't in the room", Jenny explained.

"Did she steal anything", Blair asked, flipping her brown hair off her shoulders. "A maid that worked for me did that once. I had to get her deported back to where ever the hell she was from".

"You mean, Maria", Nate piped in and Blair nodded. "She didn't steal your bracelet, you let Glenda hold it and she never brought it back, and besides. Maria was from New Jersey".

Blair was silent before scoffing and saying, "Whatever!".

After he introduced everyone, Dan told Jenny that Blair and Nate were stepbrother and sister and so was Chuck and Serena. There was a sudden ringing of a cellphone and Nate immediately picked his up. "Hi baby", he said into the receiver before getting up and walking to a more secluded place.

"Oh, god. There he goes again", Blair said in a disgusted tone as she played with the straw in what was left of her sparkling water.

"Blair, he's in love", Serena countered, watching as Nate talked to the person on the phone. "And besides he misses her".

"Look, all I'm saying is that he up here wasting his time being faithful to her when she'd probably at college getting wild as can be", Blair shot back.

"Who?", Jenny asked curiously.

"Nate's girlfriend, Vanessa. She went to college last year and her and Nate are doing the whole long distance thing". Dan answered.

Jenny looked over at Nate as he talked to the girl on the phone. He had a girlfriend. Jenny was a bit bummed because she would have liked to go out with him. But part of her was relived that he was in a relationship because the last time Jenny liked a boy, he ended up breaking her heart and she ended up cutting herself.


	2. Two: One Step At a Time

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for the reviews. It means so much to me that you all enjoy the story!

xoxo, Alex

* * *

**Chapter Two - One Step At a Time**

_  
Hurry up and wait  
So close, but so far away  
Everything that you've always dreamed of  
Close enough for you to taste  
But you just can't touch_

_You wanna show the world, but no one knows your name yet  
Wonder when and where and how you're gonna make it  
You know you can if you get the chance  
In your face as the door keeps slamming  
Now you're feeling more and more frustrated  
And you're getting all kind of impatient waiting_

_We live and we learn to take  
One step at a time  
There's no need to rush  
It's like learning to fly  
Or falling in love  
It's gonna happen when it's  
Supposed to happen and we  
Find the reasons why  
One step at a time  
_  
"Hi. My name is Jenny Humphrey and I'm new here…", Jenny started. She looked around the room for a quick second and saw that everyone was staring at her. This wasn't her first time attending a class like this but these were new people that she'd never met before. "I've been in a class like this in Brooklyn, but….Five months ago, I ended up in the hospital after cutting myself really bad".

The first time Jenny went to one of these meeting, she had been in the hospital for a week. It was nerve racking her first time and she sat silent, insisting that nothing was wrong with her. But as time went on, Jenny found herself opening up more to the other males and females that shared the same problem as her.

"I started cutting myself when I was thirteen. I had just died my hair blonde and my dad didn't like it so he beat me…really bad. The next day, I was in the kitchen cutting an apple and accidentally cut my finger". Jenny lifted up her small index finger on her left hand so that the people could see. She let her mind flashback to that day, the small rundown Brooklyn apartment popping up in her mind. It was like she was standing in that spot in the kitchen all over again, with the knife in her hand. She could see the ragged furniture and creaky wooden floors that she hated so much. "I remember watching the blood as it ran down and there was a sudden rush. So when ever I was upset or sad, I would cut my wrist and watch the blood to help calm me down".

There was a silence in the room that made Jenny feel uncomfortable. It was if, everyone in the room was judging her, seeing if she was even more messed up than they were. Jenny knew this because that was exactly what she use to do. When first starting the class back in Brooklyn, Jenny compared her situation to the other people in the room. She soon found out that she was no better than they were.

"Soon, I started to do it for pleasure. I liked the feeling of the knife and the way my skin opened up. I became addicted and didn't know how to stop". Jenny closed her eyes, remembering the high that overcame her as she watched her own blood drain. It was intoxicated and for a slit second, Jenny so desperately wanted a sharp object. Her eyes opened again and she looked out at all the people in the room.

"That's kind of all of my story". Looking back down at her fingers which were aimlessly playing with the ones on the other hand, she sat back down in her seat and listened as the next person introduced themselves.

As Jenny glanced around the room she noticed one boy in particular that looked about her age. He had sandy blonde hair that was combed to make it look shorter than it really was. He was wearing a pair of kaki brown pants and a white button downed t-shirt. When he introduced himself it was as Eric Van der Woodsen. When standing, he was much shorter than Jenny had anticipated. His story was because of not getting enough attention and afraid to be himself, and this too was his first time in the class.

The difference between Eric and Jenny was that he tried to kill himself because of lack of attention from his mother and sister and acceptance. Jenny almost killed herself because of too much attention from her parents. There were times when Jenny wished they'd forget she was even alive. That way she didn't have to get beaten or yelled at. Another difference was that Eric was from the Upper Eastside of Manhattan and Jenny was from the bad part of Brooklyn in a beat up apartment that only had one bedroom and she slept on the couch. There was a time when they had to sell their couch to pay the rent, so Jenny ended up sleeping on the cold wooden floor with a scrap of a blanket. But the one thing that they did have in common was that they both attended St. Jude's & Constance Billard Boarding School for girls and boys.

After the meeting was over, Jenny collected her thing and placed the brochures and pamphlets the instructor handed out and put them in her bag. Just as she was doing this there was a light tap on her shoulder. Turning around Jenny was faced to faced with Eric Van der Woodsen.

"Hey", Jenny greeted the boy. Standing next to him, he was indeed much shorter than Jenny. Up close his facial features were very soft. He looked almost like a two month old baby.

"Hey. They hand these thing out like it's a luxury vacation", Eric gestured to the brochures in his hand. That made Jenny laugh. She never understood why classes like the one she was in did this, but she would often find herself reading it. "I'm Eric by the way".

"Jenny". She pointed to herself. She talked with Eric some more about the class but leaving out the fact that she attended the same school as him. It's not that she didn't want to talk to him outside of class it was just the fact that she wanted a fresh start at school without people knowing about her past. After a few more minutes, Eric stated that he had to get back to school and the two said goodbye before heading off in opposite directions, Jenny to the bus and Eric into a limousine that was waiting for him.

When reaching her dorm, Jenny noticed that Nate was standing outside her door holding a long plastic bag covering something. She smiled to herself as she walked up to him. He was so handsome and he looked incredibly sexy wearing his tight black shirt and jeans. His hair was pushed back from his face, revealing his deep blue eyes to the entire world. Jenny tried to get a grip on herself, remembering that he was taken. That his heart belong to another girl. Vanessa. She winced when the girls name was spoken or even thought of. She hated this Vanessa for dating Nate, for having his heart.

"Hey", Jenny smiled brightly, trying to hide the fact that she was just bashing his girlfriend in her head. Nate smiled back, and Jenny almost fell to the ground from the sudden weakness she felt in her knees. "What's going on?".

"Oh, uh, Dan wanted me to bring this to you", Nate extended the black bag to her, she took it in her arms and smiled. "It's your uniform. He had an early study session in the library and wanted me to give it to you".

"Thanks so much for bringing it to me, but why didn't you wait for me inside?", Jenny asked. It was very strange to stand outside of someone's dorm room rather than wait inside. Jenny knew that Agnes was inside because she was still asleep when the blonde left. And Agnes usually awoke around noon - something that Jenny learned quickly.

"Well, when I got here she said you were out and that I could wait for you. Then she kind of tried to rape me", Nate said, not even believing the words that were coming from his mouth. But they were true. The moment he sat down to wait for Jenny, her roommate attacked him and tried to remove his clothes. "She's kind of crazy. No wonder you hate her".

"You hate me". The door bolted open to revel Agnes standing in the doorway, wearing a fluffy pink robe and matching slippers. She looked over at Jenny in shock. "You told the hottie that you hated me? I thought that we were getting along?".

"What the hell Agnes? Where you listening the whole time?", Jenny shouted at her overbearing roommate. She and Agnes had made up since their altercation and surprisingly the girl was not so crazy. She was an aspiring model from a small town in North Carolina. She and her mother moved to New York when Agnes was discovered by an agent. Her career hit a low point last year and her mother suggested she attended school, one preferably away from her.

Agnes tried to look innocent, but it clearly wasn't working. She had been listening to their conversation and the three of them knew it. "Ok, so maybe I was but that's only because I wanted to hear what the hottie was saying about me".

Jenny sighed as Agnes went back inside, leaving the door open. "Nate, thanks again for this, I'll see you later". She smiled one last time at him before taking the bag a going into her dorm.

Inside, Agnes was sitting on her bed, rubbing lotion on her long model legs. "That guy was insanely hot. You gonna hook-up with him?". Agnes switched to the other leg as Jenny hung the long bag with her clothes on the back of the door and stuffed the pamphlets she'd gotten from her meeting in the bottom of her desk drawer.

Jenny removed her jacket and shoes before plopping down on her bed. "He has a girlfriend".

Agnes scoffed, placing the small bottle of lotion back on her bedside table. She sat up straight so that she was facing Jenny. "And? He's Nathaniel Archibald, guys like that don't come around often".

Jenny looked confused as to how Agnes knew Nate. With the way they talked to each other, they seemed like strangers. That got Jenny to wondering if Nate had some kind of a reputation flying around school. "I thought you didn't know him".

"Of course, I know him. He's like one of the hottest guys in school", Agnes gushed. She picked the brush up from its spot next to the lotion and began to slowly brush her long brown hair. "….and the fact that he brought you your uniform is an indication that he wants to hook-up".

Jenny always hated the term "Hook-up". It made people sound like they were prostitutes. Jenny hated the word and avoided all cost of using it. "One, he has a girlfriend and two, he only brought me the stupid uniform because he's my cousin's roommate and he couldn't bring it".

"Your cousin could have brought it later if he wanted. You don't need the thing until Monday. Nate brought it to you because he is so into you", Agnes continued.

Jenny knew that Agnes was wrong about Nate being into her. Chuck was the one that was into her and did nothing to hide it. But Jenny was staying away from him, because he wasn't her type and plus he was in some kind of a relationship with Blair.

"You're delusional", Jenny laughed, getting up from the bed and taking her clothes from where it hung on the back of the door.

"That would be you…". Jenny heard the bed squeak as an indicator that Agnes had rose from the bed and was now heading her way. When Jenny turned around she came face-to-face with Agnes. "Mark my words, Jen, by the end of this week you and Nate will have ended up in a spontaneous lip-lock, maybe even a bit of a sweaty game if you know what I mean", Agnes smiled cocking her right shoulder upwards.

Jenny looked into Agnes' eyes and could tell that she was serious. This made Jenny anxious, because she liked Nate but also didn't want to feel an emotional attachment to him. If she did, chances are it would end up bad when he went running back to his girlfriend.

"I'm going to try on my uniform".

She emerged from the bathroom wearing a short, pleated gray paid skirt and a white buttoned down shirt. "How do I look?". Jenny twirled around for Agnes.

In the time that Jenny had left to change, Agnes was back on her bed only this time reading a tabloid magazine. "Give you some sweet dance moves and back round music and you're a walking Brittney Spears video".

"Thanks". Jenny smiled walking over to the bedside table, looking for her needle and thread. She liked the uniform but was going to add a couple of things that made it her own.

As she did this the sides of her shirt hitched up reveling a circled burn mark her left side. It looked to be healed but you could tell that it was a burn. Similar to the one you get from a cigar or a cigarette. It caught Agnes' attention quickly.

"Jenny what happened to you?". She reached out and touched it.

Jenny jumped, her mind flashing back to the night in which she'd gotten the burn. She was sitting on the couch with her father. Her mother said something and Jenny agreed. It made her father angry, so he reached over and placed the cigar he was smoking into Jenny's side. She was fourteen at the time but Jenny could still smell the flesh that was being burned away from her skin. She could still smell the ashes and feel the pain.

"It's nothing", she answered softly, walking over to her bed.

"It doesn't look like nothing. Looks like you've been burned with something", Agnes continued, curious of the sore on her roommate's side.

"I said it's nothing, so can you just drop it!", Jenny snapped, turning in her bed so that she was no longer facing Agnes.

Agnes did as Jenny wished and let the situation go, but that didn't stop her from wonder about how her roommate received such a burn on her body.


	3. Three: Let Me Be

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for the reviews that were left last chapter. I hope that you all enjoy the one that I am posting now.

xoxo, Alex

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**Chapter Three - Let Me Be**

_You try to read me  
You try to figure out  
You try to breathe me  
But you can't blow me out  
You try to feel me  
But I'm so out of touch  
I won't be falling  
You won't have to pick me up  
Sorry if I sound confused  
I don't feel the way you do  
But I won't turn around  
But I won't turn around_

_Think that I might back down but I won't  
Think that I might have doubts but I don't  
No insecurities, won't you just let me, let me be?  
Think that you know me now but you don't  
Think that I can't stand on my own  
It ain't my philosophy,  
Won't you just let me, let me be?_

_**Two Years Ago….October 2006**_

Jennifer pulled roughly at the long sleeves of her shirt, trying her best to hide the angry red lines on her lower wrist. Last night, was the first time she'd taken a knife and intentionally cut through her skin. Her parents had fought again, leaving her mother a bloody mess in the middle of the floor. Jennifer locked herself in the bathroom with a small knife from the kitchen and began cutting. The gliding blood helped her to forget about the disaster on the other side on the door. The rush sent her to a place that was good. A place that made her feel safe a protected. It was like heaven to her.

Though the rush felt good, Jennifer insisted that she was never going to do it again. She told herself that it was a one time thing. If any of the students at her school found out about her cutting, she would be branded for life. They would judge and look at her with a face full of pity. Jennifer didn't want that. She didn't want anyone to pity or feel sorry for her. She didn't want people trying to pretend they understood what she was going through.

Jennifer made it quickly to her locker without being spotted by any of her friends. She opened the metal door quickly, shoving her books inside and getting the ones she needed for her first class. While doing this, Jennifer spotted the small pair of scissors in her traveling sewing kit. They were shiny and sharp with no trace of her blood.

"Jennifer….Jennifer!", she heard the voice of one of her best friends, Kami Win. She was running towards Jennifer from down the hall, her jet black hair swinging behind her as her legs moved. She reminded Jennifer of those girls on the shampoo commercials.

"Kami, hey", Jennifer continued pulling at her sleeves, as the oriental young woman stopped in front of her. Kami was wearing her regular high platform Ked's and black tights under a short jean skirt. She and Jennifer had become close friends in the beginning of the year when paired up for a history assignment. "What's going on?".

Jennifer hoped that Kami didn't hear the shakiness in her voice that revealed she was nervous. To Jennifer's delight, Kami never noticed. "Brown is giving this insane test today. Liz Hartley was talking about it on the bus this morning".

"Are you sure he's giving a test today?", Jennifer asked, as the worry of failing a test she didn't know about came over her.

"Yeah. Liz said that she was in his class yesterday and he did the same thing", Kami explained. She was saying a bunch of other stuff but Jennifer wasn't listening. She was too busy thinking about what would happen to her if she failed Mr. Brown's test. Her father would kill her for brining home a failing grade.

Jennifer was considered one of the smart students at her school, but that was only because her father got mad whenever she'd bring home a bad grade. He even punched her in the stomach for receiving a B on her last report card. Jennifer hadn't studied for this test and had no idea what was going to be on it. Her eyes flashed to the small pair of scissors in the sewing kit, then back to her friends worried face. The feeling of last night came rushing back to Jennifer. This test was going to be a bitch and she needed something to calm her down. Just as she was about to make a decision, the first bell rung.

"Oh shit. We better get going…you coming Jennifer?", Kami asked, breaking through her friends trance.

Jennifer looked at Kami then to the inside of her locker. "Uh, no. I have to stop by the bathroom. See you in class". She rushed the words out before grabbing the small sewing kit and walking in the opposite direction as Kami.

She rushed past all the other students, making her way to the second floor bathroom at the end of the hall. Jennifer picked this bathroom because no one ever came inside of it. There was a flood last year and people started making crazy assumptions that it was haunted by a ghost "like on Harry Potter". Jennifer rushed inside the bathroom, and pushed a trash can in front of the door just in case some other student was as brave as she was being. Walking over one of the sinks, Jennifer sat her books down and pulled the small pair of scissors from the clear container.

CUT. The blood began to skate down her arm and the feeling was back in full effect. The rush felt good and Jennifer soon forgot all about the test that she was to be taking in less than two minutes. She loved this rush and right now there was no denying that. It made her feel alive. Made her feel untouchable. CUT. The blood hit the snowy sink below her, in a delicate pattern. CUT. Jennifer looked up at herself in the mirror. This was her heaven and there was no denying it.

The bell rang abruptly, scaring Jennifer out of her bliss. She quickly cleaned herself up and the sink, then exited the bathroom. She made it to Mr. Brown's classroom before the final bell and took her seat in the back of the room next to Kami, who was flirting with some jock in front of her. She was offering to show him what was under her tights if she got him a date with his hotter friend.

"Hey, J", Kami turned to her but Mr. Brown glared at her when he started passing out the test. Kami winked at Jennifer, to show her that Liz wasn't lying about the whole test thing.

As Jennifer took the test, she felt something wet rubbing against her arm. Looking down, she saw that the cut she cleaned early were beginning to bleed again. Jennifer looked over at Kami to see if she was looking but she wasn't. no one was looking, except….Shelly Barns. She was the schools resident Gossip Queen. She's sat next to Jennifer because of her high grades and figured she could cheat off the less popular girls paper. Shelly was currently looking down at the blood stained sleeve. She could tell that Jennifer did it herself because the blood was in a straight line along where the lower part of the sleeve covered Jennifer's wrist.

Jennifer tried to plead with her eyes to the girl, but there was no such luck. She could see Shelly reaching for her cell phone and place it in her lap. With a few types on the keys and a click of a button, the entire school knew that Jennifer Humphrey was a cutter.

* * *

**Present Day**

"Now, Jenny if you start to feel anxious or you feel like it's too much for you, come and get me ok?", Dan repeated the same line to Jenny over and over. The two were walking down the hall of St. Jude's, trying to find Dan's friends through the crowd of well dressed teenagers.

"Dan, I'll be fine. Therapy and all my friends at the clinic have prepared me for this day", Jenny smiled, trying to convince her cousin that she would be fine in this new school. It wasn't like she'd cut herself the night before and was trying to hide the lines of dried up blood.

When Jenny received her schedule Sunday afternoon, she was happy about her classes. They were all AP (All the classes at St. Jude's and Constance Billard were), which meant the school had gotten her previous records from the public school she attended in Brooklyn. Jenny was known as the smart girl that always wore long-sleeves at her old school. In other words, a cutter. Whenever someone needed tutoring or help with an assignment, Jenny was the one they came to(before learning her secret of course). Jenny knew that probably wouldn't happen at St. Jude's because Dan told her that most of the students there were all striving to attend ivy lead colleges. Jenny never really though about collage when she lived in Brooklyn because she always thought she'd be dead before even getting a chance to fill out her applications.

That morning Jenny dressed quickly, not wanting to have a run-in with Agnes before school. Every since Agnes discovered Jenny's burn the day before, she was a little apprehensive of what was going to come out about her next. No one knew about Jenny's past except her, Dan, and the class she attended at the hospital. It wasn't easy having people know that use were once abused by your father and you also cut yourself to relieve the pain. Jenny hated the look in people's eyes when they looked at you. The pity they gave you. The sappy words they exchanged, pretending like they knew what she was going through when in reality they didn't. Jenny loved Rufus and Dan a lot, but they too didn't know how it actually was for her.

They didn't know what it was like to have to cover up bruises with heavy make-up. They didn't know what it was like to wear long sleeves in the middle of summer and have people look at you like you were crazy. They didn't know what it was like to decline an invitation to a pool party because they were afraid to show print of a man's shoe on their back. Jenny knew what it was like to feel all these things and she hated when people pretended like they did too.

"I know, It's just that, I don't want you to feel like you can't talk to me if at anytime you feel overwhelmed or something", Dan explained a look of pure worry blessing the teenage boys hard features.

"Dan, I'll be fine. I have your schedule as well as mine and I know your number and Serena's", Jenny explained to him, hoping he'd realize how ridiculous he was being. There was no need for him to be so protective of her and Jenny wanted him to know that but Dan insisted. "I haven't done that in over five months, going on six. I'll be ok".

"Ok, I'll back off and let you be". Dan smiled at his young cousin, and ruffled her hair. She was so much stronger than he'd thought and it puzzled him as to why she'd starting cutting herself in the first place. "Before I forget. Serena's brother will be with her this morning. He's in the same grade as you and just transferred in. I think you'd really like him".

Just as Dan finished his sentence, the two entered the doors to one of the most elite hall. That was were Dan met Serena and her friends almost every morning. It was more like a court yard with cement table. It was were most of the student's gathered in the morning and in between classes.

Jenny was so caught in what Dan was saying she didn't hear her name practically being yelled from somewhere in front of her. It wasn't until the person yelled for a third time that she actually heard them. Looking up, Jenny saw that it was Eric. He was no too far away from her. He was in fact coming up the steps towards the table she saw Serena and Blair seated.

"Eric!", Jenny smiled running a short distance to meet her new friend. She knew that he was surprised to see her because she still hadn't told him that she attended the same school he did.

"What are you doing here?", Eric asked as the two shared a friendly hug. A couple on lookers were snapping pictures with their camera phones. Dan explained to Jenny earlier that most of the people at St. Jude's, Constance Billard and the other boarding school's in the Upper East Side were infatuated with something called Gossip Girl.

Jenny smiled down at the boy, tucking a strand of curly blonde hair behind her right ear. "The uniform didn't give you enough clues?".

Eric smirked and hit Jenny playfully on the arm. "Yeah, but I mean what are you doing here? I didn't know that you went to this school".

"Yeah, I kind of go here….I didn't mention it in the session because…", Jenny trailed off, hoping that Eric would be able to fill in the missing part. He must have because he smiled a very reassuring smile at him.

"So, uh, where is the cousin that you mentioned? I have to meet my sister but she'll understand if I don't show", Eric explained. Jenny had mentioned in one of the sessions that she was attended school with her cousin and felt safe knowing he was around.

Jenny turned and smiled at Dan who was looking on curiously with Serena and Blair. Nate and Chuck even surfaced during the time she was talking to Eric. "He's over there".

Eric looked in the direction of where Jenny was pointing to and laughed. "It's funny because the blonde he's sitting next to is my sister".

Jenny turned to look at Eric her mouth hanging open slightly in shock. She pointed at Eric. "You're Serena's brother. Dan was just talking about how I was going to be meeting you".

"Well, I guess it looks like we've already met", Eric placed one arm around Jenny's waist and Jenny did the same but her arm was around Eric's shoulders. The two walked up the small steps and over to the curious faces of Serena, Dan, Blair, Chuck and Nate.

Serena was the first to speak, her bright white teeth showing the entire time. "Do the two of you know each other already?".

Eric turned a shade of red from the way he sister was looking at him. He knew what she was thinking. "Yeah we kind of do".

"Eric, nice work. And here I was thinking you didn't pick up any pointers from me", Chuck's low voice spoke up from where he was leaning on the wall with Nate. There was a since of pride in his voice and facial features.

"It's not like that", Eric started to explain. "Jenny and I are just friends".

"Friends with benefits. I like it. Maybe you are the better Humphrey, Jenny", Chuck winked in her direction, which received him a disgusted grunt from Blair.

"Did it ever occur to you that Jenny and Eric are actually just friends. Not everyone is as disgusting as you are, Charles". Blair fired back. Jenny guessed he must have hated when she called him Charles because he sort of flinched like she'd slapped him.

Chuck leaned in close to Blair ear and whispered, "But we aren't just friends". He placed a soft kiss below her ear and Blair shuttered with what seemed like delight.

"So, how do the two of you know each other exactly?", Dan asked. Jenny could tell that he was going in overprotective mode.

"Um, well, we met at…".

"Orientation", Eric jumped in. Obviously not wanting them to now the real place where they met. "We met at orientation and we both laughed at how ridiculous Mr. Frances looked with that toupee".

Jenny looked over at Eric and there was a pleading in his eyes. It was the same pleading Jenny tried to use against Shelly Barns two years ago when she'd seen the blood on Jenny's sleeve. Eric was asking her to go along with the story.

"Uh, yeah. We just kind of hit it off right then", Jenny agreed, although she had no idea who Mr. Frances was, or that the school even had orientation.

The bell rung to began school and Jenny headed back into the school with the rest of the students. She said goodbye to Dan and made her way to her locker but was stopped by Eric.

"Hey, Jenny about that back there…my sister's friends don't know about…you know and I want to keep it that way".

"Sure. I won't tell", Jenny smiled.

"Same goes for you". Eric smiled back before headed to his own locker. Jenny watched him go. She then realized that she and Eric were just a like and maybe he did know what she was going through. After all, he lived it himself.

The bell rung once more, pushing Jenny and the other students still hanging around their lockers to get to class faster. The blonde ran to her locker and grabbed her respective books. This time there was no sharp object to distract her from how nervous she was feeling. It wasn't until entering her first class that Jenny started to feel the nerves that Dan was so worried about. Her mouth was starting to taste like pennies, which always meant she was on the verge of throwing up. Jenny could feel the veins in her arm twitching, begging to be cut into.

"Jenny", she heard her name being called which was weird because there was no one in her grade the knew her name besides Agnes and Eric and the voice didn't belong to them.

Looking into the direction of the voice, Jenny smiled when their bright blue eyes met one another. Nate was sitting in the far back right corner of the room near the window. There was an empty desk next to him.

"Nate, hi, what are you doing in here?", Jenny asked walking over to him. She was afraid so sit down, not knowing whether or not he was saving the seat for someone else. After all, he was widely popular around the halls of school. "I thought that you were a junior like Dan".

"I am", Nate laughed, scratching at the hair covering his neck. "I kind of failed the class when I took it last year".

Jenny laughed as well, clutching the books in her hand closely to her chest. The final bell rung and Jenny looked around for another seat but they seemed to all be occupied.

"Uh, aren't you going to sit down", Nate asked gesturing to the seat next to him. He noticed that Jenny seemed a little shock by this and he couldn't help but laugh. "You are the only person I actually know in this class".

"Same here". Jenny sat down, pushing the falling curl of hair behind her ears. Nate noticed that she did this a lot and actually found it kind of cute.

There was no denying that Jenny was a nice looking girl to Nate. But he had a girlfriend and she was baby cousin of his roommate and very close friend. Besides she looked as though she was into Eric this morning. He looked over Jenny and saw that she was staring out the window. A soft smile tracing her lips. Nate desperately wanted to lean over and kiss her. She was so beautiful and he'd immediately noticed this the first day of meeting her. He's felt the spark between them when he shook her hand for the first time and he felt it again as he stared at her relaxed features. Dan talked about her over a course of five months about how she was going to be attending the boarding school, but Nate never would have guessed that she would be this beautiful and he would like her this much in such a sort time.

"How come you failed?", Jenny asked suddenly. Nate was so caught up in looking that he almost didn't hear her question.

It was then that he remembered Vanessa. His girlfriend. The girl that he was madly in love with. "Uh, Vanessa was here last year and she was kind of a distraction for me".

Jenny tried not to look so disappointed when he mentioned his girlfriend's name. This Vanessa girl was very lucky, Jenny thought to herself every time she spoke with Nate. "Well, it's a good thing she's not here, right?".

"Right", Nate said with a rather dull tone of voice. If only Jenny knew what effect she was starting to have on him she would not have stated her last sentence.


	4. Four: Only Fooling Myself

**A/N: **Thanks you all so much for the comment's that you left me last chapter. I'm glad that you're enjoying the story and I hope that you continute to enjoy it.

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**Chapter Four - Only Fooling Myself**

_I stop to catch my breath  
And I stop to catch your eye  
No need to second-guess  
That you've been on my mind  
well I dream days away, but that's okay_

_It's like I want to hear a silent sound  
And then hold it in my hand  
But a rose won't blossom from a ground  
Of desert sand, but I like to pretend that_

_One day I'll turn around, I'll see your hand reach out  
I'm only fooling myself,  
But maybe when you smile  
It means you'd stay awhile  
Just maybe you'd save me now  
I'm only foolin myself,  
I'm only foolin myself._

It was starting to become a routine for Jenny. She would meet Dan at the front of her building and the two of them would walk over to their schools to meet Serena, Blair, Eric, Nate, and sometimes Chuck in the courtyard before school started. Jenny and Eric would talk about their classes with one another while Dan and Serena kissed randomly. Blair and Chuck would have a mini-argument that always leaded to him saying something clever and charming. Blair would roll her eyes as though she was annoyed with him, but Jenny could tell that the brunette secretly loved they way he commuted with her sometimes. Nate talked to Vanessa on his cell phone every morning, just to see how she was doing. Though she and Nate weren't together and she didn't know if he liked her as much as she did him, Jenny got tired of the constant calls to Vanessa. It was annoying how dependent he seemed on her. Nate would even text her during their English class together.

Like they did every morning, Jenny and Eric were standing in the courtyard near the table Dan, Serena, and Blair, talking about the up-coming test in the biology class they shared.

"Well, look a' here. It's the brat-pack", a female voice came from behind Jenny and Eric. They both turned to see that it was Agnes accompanied by a guy and a girl that looked exactly like her.

"We personally prefer non-judging breakfast club", Nate spoke up for the first time that morning. Jenny couldn't help but giggle a little at the sarcasm he'd possessed. She was also thankful that he'd finally hung up with Vanessa.

"And I prefer you'd shut up, but we all can't get what we want", the girl fired back and Nate just rolled his blue eyes and leaned back against the wall.

"What do you want, Georgina?", Serena asked as she ran a hand through her long blonde hair. It was clear to see that she was becoming frustrated with Georgina. Jenny adored the girl's name. It reminded her of a movie star or models name.

Georgina removed the big black sunglasses from her face and handed them over to Agnes. "Well, I really came over here to talk to Charles".

At the hearing of his name, Chuck's head snapped up. When Georgina came over he was bent over Blair's shoulder, whispering in her ear and kissing her neck and other places on her face. Blair frowned in disappointment when Chuck stopped showering her attention. When she looked up and saw the reason why, Blair started to get pissed. Her deep brown eyes flashed with anger and her whole body language changed. Jenny could tell that Blair was really affected by Georgina's presents.

"Georgina", Chuck stood up straight and he winced like when Blair called him of his real name earlier in the week. Jenny guessed that Georgina said it a lot more than Blair did. The way Chuck said her name was not one of a friendly greeting but as if he hated her guts and wanted her to go away.

"Charles". There was the wince. Georgina walked over to him and sat her big black designer bag on the table next to Blair. "How are you? Did you miss me?".

"What's there to miss?", Chuck asked, taking a small step back from Georgina.

Georgina noticed this and let out a disgusted grunt, one just like Blair did earlier. She looked down at the brunette sitting(Blair) and laughed. "Is this because of her. You can't tell me that miss prim and proper is satisfying you like I could".

Blair snapped up from her seat and looked Georgina dead in the eyes. "Listen, sweetie. I can suck the nails out of a board, so I highly doubt Chuck and I are having problems in, well, that department".

Jenny's hand flew to her mouth in shock, Eric was giggling next to her and both Serena and Dan were shifting uncomfortably in their seats. Georgina seemed defeated so she walked away from Blair slowly and back to the her arms of the guy that was standing next to Agnes.

"Well, if you get tired of her, I'll be over by the tree getting stoned". Georgina snatched her glasses from Agnes and put them back on. She placed a hand on Serena's shoulder. "S, you in?". The girl laughed before walking off.

"Hey, Jen, you have Copperfield for English right?", Agnes spoke to Jenny once Georgina was halfway down the stairs. Jenny could tell that she didn't want the girl to know that she was talking to someone from "The Brat-Pack".

"Yeah, first period, why?", Jenny asked curiously. Agnes couldn't have been in that class because it was Thursday and Agnes hadn't been in that class all week. Besides her name was no where on the attendance.

"Good. I've kind been MIA from that class since school started", Agnes explained, a half smile half smirk on her face.

"What do you want, Agnes", Jenny asked. It seemed that whenever her roommate wanted something, the brunette would always look at Jenny this way.

She folded her arms across the front of her leather jacket. "I kind of need your help. Headmistress called my mom and said that I wasn't in class".

"How can I help you, when you're the on skipping class. How is that even possible when I see you like every morning?", Jenny asked. She would see Agnes in the morning over by the tree reading a magazine.

Agnes let out a nervous laugh. She ran a hand through her long brown hair and smiled. "I was a little busy making out with Todd O' Hara in the janitors closet, which by the way, is so much nicer than how it's portrayed on TV and movies".

Eric laughed. "You mean that dude with those eyebrows? He lives down the hall from me".

Agnes ignored Eric's comment completely. She was too focused on her mission. "Anyway, that old bag wants me to take a test on Sunday, which means I need you to help me study. What do say? You. Me. Cram-session in our room?",

Jenny saw Agnes' pleading look and decided that it would be a nice thing to do for Agnes. "Fine. We start at six and no breaks".

"Thank you. Thank you. Thank you". Agnes jumped up and down four times, then hugged Jenny before running off toward Georgina, who was looking the whole time from her spot over by the trees.

Jenny watched as the feisty girl waved her finger in Agnes' face. She was sporting a very angry expression on her face. Jenny could tell that the girl was not happy about Agnes speaking with her. It made the blonde curious as to why the girl cared so much.

"Wait. You're roommate's with Agnes Sparks?", Blair shrieked. Jenny looked her way and nodded. "It's like sharing a cave with Satin's kid-brother".

"She's not that bad", Jenny tried to defend her roommate. "Wait and what do you mean Agnes Sparks. She said her last name Shaw".

"Even her own sister doesn't want to be associated with her", Serena piped in. She was pulling her long blonde hair back into a loose ponytail. Jenny was amazed how it stilled looked so amazing when Serena wasn't even trying to make the style look good.

"Which is understandable, because Georgina is a nutcase", Nate laughed. He was back at it with his phone, only this time they were texting. Great! Jenny thought. Now she would have to sit next to Nate and have him grinning at something that Vanessa wrote.

"A nutcase that dated Chuck", Blair bit. She was more than pissed off by Georgina's earlier comments. Jenny could tell that she hated the girl and it was more than just because she apparently dated Chuck.

"That was two years ago and it's a good thing I got out of it because that bitch is crazy", Chuck informed, leaning back against the wall next to Nate.

"Wait, Agnes never said she had a sister. Do you all know Agnes?". Everyone nodded, including Nate. Which meant he'd known Agnes that day when he'd brought her clothes. That also meant that Agnes wasn't lying about knowing who Nate was.

Jenny was just about to go over and talk to Agnes about the recent news she'd learned but was stopped when the bell rung.

"Hey, Jenny". Dan's concerned voice spoke behind Jenny. She turned to see him standing with Nate. "Do me a favor and don't get so caught up in Agnes".

Jenny laughed softly, thinking that Dan was kidding, but the look on his face told her that he was serious. "What do mean don't get caught up in Agnes, she's my roommate".

"I know, but she'd bad news around here and wouldn't want her to drag you down", Dan continued, and Jenny was bit surprised that he was saying all this in front of Nate.

Tucking a strand of hair behind both ears, Jenny looked her cousin straight in the eyes. "Dan, I'll be fine, ok. Sometimes I wish that you'd stop worrying so much".

As stubborn as she knew he was, Dan shook his head. One thing Jenny hated about her cousin was hoe stubborn and judgmental he could be at times. "You an I both know that it's not going to work like that".

"It's been five months, Dan. I'm ok now, so just trust me", Jenny tried to assure both her cousin and herself, before storming off. She could tell that someone was behind her and it was most likely Dan.

"You know he's right". Jenny heard the voice of the person that was following her, but it wasn't Dan. It was Nate. He grabbed a hold of her arm, forcing her to stop and look at him. "Agnes and her sister are bad news, Jenny".

Jenny folder her arms stubbornly across the front of her school uniform. "So, you do know Agnes and you knew her that day when you brought over my clothes".

Nate sighed, scratching the back of his neck. "Look, Jenny, I'm sorry that I didn't tell you bu-".

He tried to explain himself, but was soon cut off by Jenny's outstretched hand. "Nate, I'm not your girlfriend, so, you don't have to explain yourself to me".

When the words left her mouth, Jenny instantly regretted them. She could tell whether Nate was relieved or hurt by her words. The blonde knew that she shouldn't have snapped at him they she did. Jenny knew that he was just looking out for her and trying to be a good friend. It was just that Dan had made her mad earlier by telling her not to spend do much time with Agnes. Although, Jenny rarely hung out with the her roommate( mostly because she was never there) that didn't mean she wanted to be told not to hang out with her. Not by Dan and especially Nate.

"I have to get to class", Jenny muttered, before walking off in the direction of her locker, leaving Nate standing almost in the middle of the hallway.

She made it to her locker and got the things she needed for her first class and made it their quicker than she'd expected. But she didn't however, make it faster than Nate. He was already sitting in the back of the class near the window where the two of them sat together. Jenny walked over to the joined desk and sat next to Nate without making any kind of eye contact.

Mr. Copperfield begain his lecture on Ancient Literature. and the authors that they would be learning about in the up-coming days of school. Jenny was fairly excited about this because back at her old school, she always did good when her teachers threw it into the lesson. Mr. Copperfield explained how they were going to be reading mostly Shakespeare and other famous authors during that time and later.

Just as Mr. Copperfield was about to write the assignment for the day on the long black chalkboard behind him, the door swung open and in came Jenny's roommate, Agnes. She was dressed in the required uniform, but with a leather jacket over it and a pair of small fishnet stocking and red heels. Jenny could tell that Agnes changed since she'd seen the girl earlier. One thing Jenny admired about her roommate was her since of style. She was like no other and so was Jenny. They meshed pretty well together, now that Jenny thought about it.

"Miss. Sparks, you're late", Mr. Copperfield said dully, not even bothering to look away from the board in front of him. "Take a seat".

"You're lucky, I'm here", Agnes mumbled as she walked towards the back of the classroom. There was an extra table behind Jenny and Nate which is were, Jenny guessed Agnes was going to sit and she did.

"Hey, J, you did tell me this guy was a total hot-tie", Agnes smirked, checking out the back view of their English teacher. "I would have cam the first day".

Jenny looked from her roommate to Mr. Copperfield. He had short brown hair, the stopped just below his ears. His beard was well shaved and he appeared to be in his early thirties. Jenny had to admit he was good-looking but would never look at him the way Agnes was now.

"Ewe. He's like in his thirties", Jenny crunched up her face in disgust.

"So is Leonardo DiCaprio and he is a total sexpot", Agnes smiled, cocking her head to the side to get a better view of their teachers ass, before looking back at Jenny. "And besides, you're one to talk".

"What's that suppose to mean?", Jenny asked, but she sort of knew who Agnes was referring to. She watched as the girls head leaned towards Nate's direction and smiled. Jenny mouth dropped, but she wasn't at all shocked. "Don't even".

"Miss. Sparks, Miss. Humphrey", Mr. Copperfield's voice brought the girls from their playful conversation.

"Sorry, Mr. Copperfield", Jenny turned around slowly in her seat and faced forward.

"Yeah, sorry, sexy". Jenny heard Agnes call out to Mr. Copperfield.

After leaving Mr. Copperfield's English class, the rest of the day went by really fast to Jenny. She had ate lunch with Eric and Agnes by the trees. They had a great time talking about music and the teachers they shared. Agnes even told Eric about her crush on Mr. Copperfield. The three teenagers instantly became in their own world. Jenny and Eric ignoring the words of Dan, Serena and all the others. They both liked Agnes and didn't see what was so bad about her. Sure, she had a few kinks but she was a really fun person to be around. Jenny still hadn't confronted Agnes about her sister, mostly because she'd forgot.

After lunch with Agnes and Eric, Jenny spent her next class, which was free period, in the library. As the silence over came her, Jenny forced herself to evaluate the situation with Nate and Dan. Her cousin was just worried about her, and she knew this, but Jenny wished that he would stop. They both of them knew that he was extremely guilty for not being their for her when she was being abused by her father and cutting into her wrist. She knew that he was worried that she might do it again. Jenny herself was afraid that she'd cut herself again, but because of the help of Dan, her uncle Rufus, her therapist, the rehabilitation center in Brooklyn, her friends at the clinic, and Eric she was a much better person. They kept her grounded.

Nate. He was just trying to be a good friend to her. He was only looking out for her because apparently Agnes was bad news all over the campus of St. Jude's & Constance Billiard. Nate was being a friend because that's what they were. That was all they were going to be. Most of Jenny's anger towards him was because of the fact that he'd had a girlfriend. Nate seemed to be so caught up in Vanessa. Jenny winced every time someone said her name or whenever she thought it. Jenny had seen a picture of the girl once, when she was hanging out with Dan in his room. In that picture, Vanessa was disgustingly beautiful. Her curly black hair framed her face so perfectly and that smile of hers. Jenny just knew that if she'd seen the girl in person in would light up the entire room. Jenny could see why Nate loved her so much and with the way he described her, she seemed so much like a saint. She was artistic, he said. Jenny knew what that meant. Vanessa was amazing and everyone loved her, including Nate. The boy Jenny convinced herself that she was in love with.

After school was over and it was much later in the day, Jenny and Agnes sat on the floor of their room, in between both beds with an array of books, pencil and pieces of notebook paper scattered out around them. The two girls were currently participating in an English cram-session, which was mostly for Agnes' benefit than for Jenny's. They stared at six sharp, like Jenny said and it was now 8: 45 p.m.

"Jenny, let's take a break", Agnes wined, getting up off the floor, but Jenny's grabbed a tight hold of her wrist and pulled her back down on the pillow she was previously sitting on.

"No breaks, Agnes, we have to get done with this", Jenny explained, not looking up from the book that was resting in her lap. While Agnes studied her English, Jenny did her homework that was due tomorrow in her chemistry class.

"Fine", the shiny brunette huffed, crossing her arms over her chest in a child-like manner. When she noticed that Jenny wasn't going to le her stop anytime soon, she picked her English book up and continued reading. "So…".

"So", Jenny looked up this time at Agnes. Her roommate had a weird look on her face that could quite be made out.

"So…what about you and Nate. You sit next to him in English class", Agnes said in a duh tone of voice, like Jenny was meant to know what she was saying.

"And", Jenny responded. She knew where Agnes was trying to take the conversation.

"And he's a total hot-tie and you like him", Agnes pushed. She was trying to get Jenny to admit that she liked Nate, and wanted to kiss him like she'd predicted last weekend.

"Why because of that stupid prediction you made", Jenny argued, looking back down at the homework that she was previously working on.

"One, it wasn't stupid and two, it might still come true", Agnes commented. She had all together abandoned the work that she was suppose to be studying for the topic of Jenny's current situation with Nate. "You have Friday, Saturday, and tonight if you're lucky".

"Whatever". Jenny got up from the floor and walked over to her desk and picked up the folder she used for all her Chemistry work in. "Besides, Nate and I aren't on speaking terms as of now".

"Why?", Agnes asked, sitting onto her bed and dragging her textbook along, not that she was going to continue reading it.

"Because you and your sister apparently have a bad reputation around here", Jenny turned around, to see the look of pure shock and humiliation on Agnes' face. It was the first time since she'd known Agnes, had Jenny seen her look so embarrassed. "Why didn't you tell me about your sister?".

Agnes sighed, looking away from Jenny for a moment. She seemed to be contemplating the idea of telling Jenny the truth. "Ok, say you have a serial killer for a sibling. Everyone hates that person and hates you too even though they don't know you. So, that doesn't mean that I should go around telling everyone Jeffrey Dohmer is my brother",

Jenny blinked a couple times, trying to grasp what it is that Agnes was trying to say. She'd rushed the words out so quickly that Jenny didn't get a chance to hear all of what she'd said. "Your sister cuts people up?".

"No", Agnes rolled her eyes, and pushed a strand of her hair that wasn't captured by her ponytail holder behind her ear. Once again, during all the time she'd spent with Agnes, Jenny saw her face soften. It was no longer playful or bubbly. It was soft and genuine. "My sister is a bitch, and because I'm her sister people think I'm a bitch too. That's why I decided not to tell people, especially my roommates".

"Look, I'm sorry, OK", Jenny confessed, walking over to the bed and sitting next to Agnes. "If it makes you feel any better, I didn't listen to Dan and Nate when they said I shouldn't hang out with you".

"Whatever", Agnes mumbled, getting up from the bed, and throwing the pillow she was hugging back against the others behind her. "Maybe you should hang out with me. I wouldn't want to taint Nate and Dan's precious girl".

"First of all, I'm not Nate's girl and second, I'm not precious", Jenny snapped harsher than she'd intended. Jenny knew that Agnes was upset about Dan not wanting her to hang out with the girl, which was the reason for her sudden attitude change. "Look, how about we just forget this whole conversation".

"Fine", Agnes agreed.

"Good". Jenny moved off the bed so that she could sit back on the floor in her previous spot. "Let's get back to the books".

"Actually..", Agnes started, walking over to her closet and opening the doors. "I was thinking we could maybe get something to eat. There is this awesome restaurant just a block away from the school".

"We can't. you have to study and there is a curfew of 10 O' Clock". Jenny looked over at the bedside table, the clock displaying 9: 34 p.m.

"We've studied enough and besides we have to eat sometime", Agnes explained as she scanned the rack of her closet for something to wear. "Besides, we'll sneak out".

"How will we even get out of here? The security guard does a check every night", Jenny countered, thinking of ways to get the idea of the two of them sneaking off campus out of Agnes' mind. "there is no way".

"Let's show Dan and Nate what a bad influence I really am". Agnes turned from the closet with her theater jacket in hand. She put the small piece of clothing on her body. "And trust me, Jenny, there is always a way".

Almost an hour later after Agnes' comment, Jenny found herself dancing in the middle of the floor with Agnes and some guy they met minutes after walking into the room. Agnes said that it was a restaurant, but Jenny soon found out that it was more of a club. You could eat, but no one did and they served mostly alcoholic drinks which you could get by slipping the bartender a fifty even though you were underage. Getting to the place did require some work, like Agnes explained as the two dashed across the lawn near the back of the school. That work required hiding in the bushes and getting speared by the tiny branches, only to be caught by the junior security guard, because Agnes couldn't keep her mouth shut about how 'cool' this was. Luckily, they guy was about their age and only required them to show their bra straps in exchange for not ratting them out.

"I'm going to get something to drink", Jenny said to a gyrating Agnes, over the loud music in the club.

"Bring me back a margarita", Agnes demanded, rolling the 'r' in the word so that it came out like 'marrrrgarrrrrita'. Agnes had already taken a couple shot when they walked in the door, getting them from the waiters walking around with the tiny glasses of alcohol on the tray.

"As if, you're already drunk", Jenny laughed at her clearly intoxicated friend grinding up against the tall male behind her. Jenny walked off and over to the bar to order herself something to drink and maybe even something to eat.

"Can I get a glass of water with a lemon and a straw", she asked the bartender behind the counter.

He nodded and rushed to the back to get her water. Jenny took that time to sit at the bar, facing the dance floor. By that time, Agnes had found another partner to dance with who was getting very handsie. Jenny laughed and shook her head.

"Here's your water", the bartender spoke from behind Jenny. He placed her small glass of water on a brown napkin, and slid it towards her.

"Thank you", Jenny smiled at him and he winked at her. Jenny took the lemon she ordered off of the napkin and squeezed some of it into cold liquid. She then hooked it on the rim of the glass.

Straw in her mouth, Jenny turned around in her seat to face the dance floor once again, only to come face-to-face with Nate Archibald.

"Does Dan know you're drinking?", Nate asked, although he was sure he knew the answer to his own question. The look on his face was mixed with disappointment and hurt.

"Hello to you too Nate", Jenny barked sarcastically, trapping the green straw in her drink between her teeth. After the chilled water went down her throat, Jenny released the straw. "And it's water, officer. Would you like to smell it?".

"What are you doing here, Jenny, it's a school night", Nate asked, but it was more of a demand. And when Jenny looked into his eyes, she saw that it really was a demand.

"Agnes and I finished studying a bit early so we came here", Jenny said quietly, taking the straw in her mouth once again.

Nate looked up at the clock on the wall just behind Jenny. The hands displayed that it was 10:55 p.m. "Jenny, it' almost eleven. Curfew ended minutes ago".

The tone of voice that he used made Jenny wince. The last time someone used that tone with her, she was living in a small beat-up Brooklyn apartment with her alcoholic father and spineless mother. Jenny's mind flashed backed to all the times her father would yell at her in that tone. The smell of his whisky filled shouts.

"I'm sorry, ok, I just wanted to have some fun", Jenny apologized softly, afraid that Nate was going to punch her in the face at any moment. Her body had already prepared itself for the blow, but it never came.

"You could have played scrabble or something", Nate sighed, sitting on the bar stool next to Jenny. He ran a frustrated hand through his hair.

"I don't think that Agnes is a scrabble kind of girl". Jenny laughed as she looked out at the dance floor where her roommate was grinding with yet another guy.

Nate stood from the bar stool, and turned to Jenny. "Come on, I should get the two of you back to the dorm".

Jenny sat her drink on the bar and followed Nate over to the dance floor to pry Agnes off of her third dance partner of the night.

There was a dead silence between the three of them on the cab ride back to school. Nate sat in the middle of Agnes and Jenny. Agnes had passed out the moment they got her in the cab and Nate seemed too pissed at Jenny to even look at her anymore, let alone talk to her. Jenny had become to despise the silence. She'd spent all of her days trapped in the quiet, forcing her to think about the things she didn't want to think about, things she regretted. More than six months, Jenny had been a prisoner of the silence. Locked alone in her head, praying and wishing that it would all just go away. The hurt that so many people had caused her. The hurt that she caused herself. The worry that she would always be alone inside and outside her head. The worry that she would never get better.

The cab suddenly stopped, bolting Jenny from the silence. The cab driver turned to them spitting out the price, which was very large. Nate ordered Jenny to help Agnes out of the car as he paid the driver.

When they got Jenny and Agnes's dorm, Nate helped Jenny carry the pasted out girl over to her bed and tuck her under the comforter.

"When she wakes up, you should giver her an aspirin for the headache", Nate explained, walking over to the door. Jenny nodded, at his orders and followed behind him. "But then again, I'm pretty sure she knows how to nurse a hang-over".

Jenny clutched, Agnes' leather jacket to her chest as tight as she could. She had taken it off the table Agnes threw it on before they left the club. "A-are you going to tell Dan?", Jenny stammered.

Nate sighed, looking into Jenny's eyes. They looked so innocent to him, and he wondered how someone like her could be friends with Agnes. "I should, but I won't".

Jenny put her head down, the tile on the floor becoming much more interesting than anything else. "Why do you care about me so much?", Jenny's voice was barely a whisper and if Nate wasn't so quiet in the room, Nate wouldn't have heard her.

He walked closer to her, his hand reaching out under her chin. He brought her head up so that she could look into his eyes and see the truth. "Because I care about you, Jenny".

He leaned in towards her, the smell of his masculine cologne, filling her nose. Cocking his head to the side, Nate kissed her gently on the cheek. Jenny's could feel her body grow hot from the feel of his soft lips on her skin and she knew that if he kissed her somewhere else it would be even more wonderful.

Nate pulled away from her face, and smiled down at her. "I'll see you in the morning". With that, he was out the door, leaving Jenny rather stunned.

The small blonde, walked silently over to her bed, not bothering to change into her pajamas, and hopped under the covers.

_"Because I care about you, Jenny"._

The soft and gentle nature of his voice playing over and over in her mind. He cared about her. She cared about him. They cared about each other. Jenny went to bed repeating his words in her head, praying for tomorrow to hurry up and come.


	5. Five: You Belong With Me

**A/N:** Thanks so much to all the people that comment to this story. It really means a lot to me that you all comment. I encourages me to write more. I really love this story and plan on finishing it, mostly because I already have the entire story planned out and another half because people seem to really like this story, including my real life friends. Please leave good reviews :)

A really huge thanks to my beta Jenna (**_chngingx3lanes** at LiveJournal ) I can not thank you enough for your encouraging words and fabulous job. I really appreciate everything you have done.

xoxo, Alex

* * *

**Chapter Five - You Belong With Me**

_You're on the phone with your girlfriend  
She's upset  
She's going off about something that you said  
'Cuz she doesn't get your humor like I do...  
I'm in the room  
It's a typical Tuesday night  
I'm listening to the kind of music she doesn't like  
And she'll never know your story like I do_

_But she wears short skirts  
I wear T-shirts  
She's cheer Captain  
And I'm on the bleachers  
Dreaming about the day when you wake up  
And find that what you're looking for has been here the whole time_

_If you could see that I'm the one who understands you  
Been here all along so why can't you see,  
You belong with me  
_

"Jenny". Agnes's voice sounded muffled from where she was sitting, face buried into her black Prada bag. The two girls were sitting on opposites ends of the small boxed shaped table in the back of the school's Library.

It was the middle of the day and Jenny convinced Agnes that they should go to the library during their free period, instead of playing soccer on the field with the other girls in their grade. The coach had quickly agreed. He said it was because the team was full, but Jenny knew that it was because he found Agnes attractive, and wanted to make her happy. The way he stared at Agnes all googly-eyed, completely ignoring Jenny while she attempted to give some lame excuse about really wanting to study for a test was kind of a dead give away. Agnes however, was too busy nursing the bitch of a hangover that she received the night before.

"Jenny", Agnes called again, only this time she lifted her head up. She rested her elbows on the top of the table as she massaged the sides of her head with the index of her fingers.

"Yes, Agnes", Jenny smirked at her roommate that was in an excessive amount of pain. Jenny usually would have felt sorry for her friend, but watching her down those shots of Vodka last night with out care helped Jenny to find the aftermath pretty funny.

"Remind me never to do more than two shots in one night", Agnes groaned, rubbing furiously at her temple as if that was going to magically make the pain disappear. Agnes was wearing dark sunglasses, although they were inside a very dark part of the library.

"Yeah, I don't think that's going to happen", Jenny bit the bottom of her lip to suppress laughter as she thought about the way Agnes was acting while she was intoxicated. "You tried to pull my hair out when I took a glass away from you".

Agnes searched her mind of any sign of said event happening, but couldn't find it in her fogged memory of last night. "I don't remember that at all".

"Well that's what happens when you get drunk. Your judgment is impaired and you have no idea what you're doing or saying", Jenny informed Agnes, but she only looked frustrated and ready to kill.

"What are you, a walking driver's ED booklet", Agnes snapped, rolling her eyes. Jenny ignored the girls frustration and continued on with her work.

Jenny thought about telling Agnes the event that happened between her and Nate last night, but decided against it. For one, Jenny herself still hadn't wrapped her head around the fact that Nate kissed her. Granted it was on the cheek but the words he used towards her, was what made Jenny smile the most. Nate said he cared about her last night, and for the first time in her life Jenny trusted someone other than Dan or Rufus. The second reason was Jenny had no clue as to what Nate wanted from her. He had a girlfriend that he was obviously in love with but yet he cared for her. Was it the care you gave a friend? A sister? A lover? Jenny wanted to know the answer to all these questions so bad, but she was just too scared to investigate the truth. Jenny loved her new life but things were much easier before. Before all she worried about was making it through the night alive and now she was worried if a boy liked her or not.

"Jenny, how long do we have before we get lunch?", Agnes asked with ought lifting her head from the table.

Jenny looked at the clock above the book shelf behind Agnes to see the clock on the wall. It was 11:26 am, which meant it was almost time for the lunch period to begin.

"We go in about four minutes. I could run back to the dorm and get you some more aspirin", she suggested, knowing that if Agnes went she wouldn't come back to school and the headmistress already was trying to get her expelled. It was also an excuse to see if Nate was around without Agnes making inappropriate comments. Jenny hadn't seen him all day and wondered if he was avoiding her or something.

"That's a good idea. I'll meet you by the steps", Agnes agreed too quickly to Jenny's surprise. She had predicted Agnes would question her reasons and come up with an excuse to get the aspirin herself.

They both gathered their books and headed into the now busy hallway. There were tons of students coming from physical education and other worthy classes. Jenny looked around for Nate, but she couldn't spot his perfectly cut brown hair anywhere in the crowd. The two stopped by Jenny's locker to put their stuff away and started following the hungry crowd of students.

"Blair!", Jenny called down the hall once she saw the girl. She was walking with three other girls. They all were wearing red skirts and crisp white collared shirts. Jenny guessed that they were coming from physical education class and were on their way to change.

Jenny parted ways with Agnes, then ran towards Blair, where she'd stopped in the hallway. She looked really tired so Jenny decided to make the conversation really quick.

"Blair, can I ask you something?", she asked once she and Blair was face-to-face. Jenny's smile was big and bright.

"Who's the outdated Barbie?", the dark-skinned girl with curly hair asked from behind Blair. She had a satisfied smirk on her face as the other two girls giggled their praise. Jenny's smile soon faded.

Blair dropped the playing stick that she held in her hand and it landed directly on the girls foot. During this whole process not once did Blair take her eyes off of Jenny.

"Ouch", the girl winced with pain. She lifted her leg up to rub the her hurt foot through her shoe. The other girls immediately stopped laughing.

"Pick it up", Blair ordered and the girl soon did as she was told. The stick must have been really heavy because when she girl straightened up, she was standing on one foot. "You're all dismissed".

The three girls moved past Blair and Jenny quickly, not once looking back. The girl with the hurt foot hobbled after the other two. Jenny watched as the girls left, then turned back to face Blair. She was a little scared of the girl now. Jenny has seen Blair with Georgina and how she reacted, but never had she seen the brunette so in charge. They way she bossed those girls around was like nothing Jenny had ever seen before.

The hard look that Blair previously possessed was replaced with a bright and normal smile. This girl was damn good. The quick change in emotions made Jenny even more nervous and soon forgot why she. stopped the girl in the first place.

"What can I do for you, baby Humphrey?", Blair asked. Jenny smiled at the nickname because it was the same one her uncle Rufus used. He called her that because she was the youngest Humphrey out of the whole bunch.

Jenny could feel her nerves easing. "Oh, I, uh, just wanted to see where Nate was", she stuttered a bit. Jenny silently prepared herself for the worst.

"Nate". Blair's tone mirrored Agnes' whenever the two talked about Nate in their room and she was trying to convince Jenny to go after him. Her eyes also twinkled with the same enthusiasm and Jenny just knew that she was trying to conjure up a plan.

"Its not like that!", Jenny defended louder than she'd planned on. The last thing she wanted was for Blair to think she had some gigantic crush on her step-brother, which was true. "I just wanted to know if he was ok because he wasn't in English today".

"Of course you're worried about Nathaniel. I must assure you that he's not ill". Blair sounded like the weather lady on the 7:00 news that Jenny found adorable.

"Look, Blair, I-". Jenny tried to speak but was cut off by the ringing of Blair's cell phone. Blair held one finger up to Jenny as she checked the text message.

"You're never going to believe what just popped up on Gossip Girl". Blair handed the Cingullar phone to Jenny. It was a picture of Agnes by the steps wearing her dark sunglasses. There was another picture of her throwing up.

**Spotted:** _Agnes Sparks blowing chunks by the front steps. Could there be a bun in that flat oven?? Or could it be all the Vodka she downed last night. I vote Vodka._

"Agnes", Jenny whispered, not able to take her eyes off the screen. She continued reading the post.

_One of my many sources sent a picture of Agnes to me this morning. She was dancing the night away in a club with an unidentified blonde. Could it be lonely boy's baby cousin or just one of the many bottle-blondes in the big city?? You be the judge….Better watch out for you cousin Lonely boy or we'll be seeing a repeat of S's freshman year._

Jenny's heart started beating rapidly. She wasn't scared for Agnes at all. If Dan found out that she was the unidentified blonde, he would freak. She knew that he would call Rufus and convince him to pull Jenny out of school so that she couldn't be influenced by Agnes' ways.

"Jenny". Blair's voice was soft and patient. She sounded as if she was a mother getting ready to explain something to her small child. "You need to stop hanging out with Agnes".

"Why", the small blonde asked, although she knew the answer.

Blair moved forward to Jenny. "I know what kind of influence a girl like that can be", she explained.

"Blair I-". Jenny was cut off again.

"Before you got here, Dan preached to all of us about looking out for you and I'm just doing my job", Blair explained softly.

"He did?", Jenny whispered and Blair nodded softly. She was shocked no doubt. Dan must have told Blair about her. He must have explained her situation to his girlfriend's best friend. If Blair knew them that meant the whole group knew. And if the whole group knew then that meant Nate did as well. The only reason he cared for her was because he felt sorry for her. He cared for her out of pity, not because it he really liked her.

"I have to find Dan". Jenny rushed off, leaving Blair alone in the hallway. She could hear the older girl call out to her but Jenny was a girl on a mission.

Jenny forgot all about getting the aspirin for her friend as she rushed towards the courtyard where Dan and Serena always sat lunch together. Anger was boiling through her veins as she scanned across the many of students. Jenny was extremely hurt by Dan's betrayal. He and Rufus did all they could to hide her past and now Dan was basically telling the world behind her back.

Jenny felt a calm hand on her shoulder followed by a voice. "Jenny don't be mad at Humphrey".

It was usually against Blair's nature to be concerned about anyone other than her best friend and boyfriend. But when she looked at Jenny her mind flashed back to her and Serena's freshman year. She too was roommates with a Sparks girl and it ended up really bad. Blair didn't want to see that happen to someone as nice as Jenny. So she made it her duty to look out for the young girl.

Jenny turned to face Blair, a small tear danced down her face. "How could I not? He betrayed me".

"Look, this usually isn't me but I care for you Jenny. You're a really nice person and hanging out with Agnes would tamper that". Blair motioned to one of the girls she was previously with. They were off sitting at a table watching the entire thing. A short red-head came running over with a tissue. She handed it to her Queen, who patted lightly at Jenny's skating tears.

"But really, Blair, Agnes really isn't that bad. She just wants people to give her a chance". Jenny tried to assure the Blair, but she could tell from the look on her face that she wasn't believing that Agnes wanted a chance to prove herself.

"Maybe not, Jenny, but she went clubbing on a school night…and dragged you with her". Jenny let out a small gasp after the words left Blair's mouth. How did she know? Did Nate tell her? Of course he would. They were brother and sister. "I could tell it was you from the haircut, lets just hope Humphrey and the other people in school don't figure that out".

Jenny bit her bottom lip nervously and looked around. "I think we missed lunch".

Both girls looked around at all the students throwing their food away, heading to their last class of the day. Blair sighed, looking down at her physical fitness uniform. She was sure to start a new trend Monday of wearing red shorts and white collared shirts at the end of the school day.

"What do you have next?", Blair asked.

" I have last period free, but I was going to the library with Agnes", Jenny wiped the remainder of tears from her puffy eyes. She looked like she'd pulled an all night study-session with coffee and a book light. At first the tears shocked Jenny because she hadn't cried in a very long time. Sure, she felt pain when her father used his powerful hands towards her and when she's cut herself. But after months and years of taking it, she finally let the pain consume her.

Blair moved so that she was standing next to Jenny and linked their arms together. "Let's go and get some ice cream".

Jenny raised a curious eyebrow. Because of the slim figure that possessed, Jenny figured that ice cream wasn't in her vocabulary. "Blair Waldorf eats ice cream?".

Blair laughed and Jenny realized that it was the first time she had. Jenny never took the brunette for a playful kind of girl, but Blair was proving her wrong. "Let's just say, I've had some experience with it when Chuck and I first started dating".

"Figures", she smiled and Blair quickly returned it. The girls went off down the hallway towards the frozen yogurt bar near the school's dinning hall. No one ever entered in that room unless they were socially awkward and wanting to get away from the crowd, if they were looking for a place to make-out, or when the school was holding a very important event. Jenny just knew that if word got out that Blair Waldorf ate in the dinning hall, then everyone would abandon the fresh air and eat in the stuffy room.

As she ate and talked with Blair, Jenny found herself hoping the day would never end. Blair was insightful and Jenny understood why so many girls idolized her. Blair was wonderful. She made you feel important when you were in her presents. It was a feeling that Jenny wanted to last forever.

When the time came for them to part and go back to their dorms, Jenny felt a bit empty. She was going to have to go back in the dorm with Agnes who was complaining about the massive hangover she caused herself. It was then that Jenny remembered all about Agnes and how she was suppose to meet the girl by the steps and in the library. Jenny was so busy with Blair that she forgot all about Agnes. She rushed to the dorms to see if the girl was ok.

When Jenny entered their room, Agnes was lying on her back with an icepack on top of her head and she was wearing her sleeping mask. She looked find in Jenny's eyes so she didn't put so much guilt on herself.

"So what happened to my aspirin?". Agnes' tried voice flooded the once quiet room. Jenny froze in her place, the guilt took off herself came rushing back.

"Agnes, I am so sorry". Jenny's first instinct was to apologize repeatedly. She knew that it was wrong to of her to leave Agnes in her time of need, but she was just too upset and wasn't thinking clearly.

"It's alright", Agnes assured Jenny. She didn't sound mad or disappointed, just tired. Her tone was soft and sweet. It was the first time that she'd sounded this innocent. "Your cousin called. He seemed like he had an attitude".

Jenny sighed, taking out her phone from the clip on her waist. She waited patiently for Dan to answer. "Jenny, where have you been?". The over-protective voice of her cousin came flooding through the receiver.

"School. I turned my phone off", Jenny answered with an eye roll. Even though it wasn't against school rules to have a cell phone on during class, Jenny still turned hers off.

"I tried to call you during lunch. I saw the post about Agnes on Gossip Girl". Jenny could hear the judgment in Dan's tone. She knew why he called her and it wasn't to engage in a friendly conversation.

"I didn't know their was a post about Agnes on Gossip Girl". She lied through her teeth. Jenny couldn't tell if Dan believed her or not. She had become to be a good liar when it came to other people, but Dan was a different story. He knew her more than he did before the accident.

"Yeah, well, there is. She skipped curfew last night and got drunk. There is a picture and everything", Dan continued to try and get a confession from Jenny.

"Really? I hadn't seen the post". Jenny felt really bad about lying to her cousin but she had no choice. If Dan knew that she was with Agnes last night then he would convince Rufus that the girl was a bad influence and he would get her switched to another dorm, or worse another school. As crazy as Agnes was, she adored the girl. Agnes reminded Jenny of the only friend she had back in Brooklyn. Her personality was colorful and for a couple hours she made Jenny forget all about her problems. Her only hope for Agnes was that she didn't end up like her friend in Brooklyn.

"There also saying that she was with a girl and tons of people think it's you".

Jenny's hear started beating out of her chest violently, her palms started sweating like she was in a sauna, and her throat was closing in on her without mercy. By this time, Agnes was sitting up in her bed checking the Gossip Girl post that she'd missed about her. "Dan, I have to tell you something…I was-Ouch!".

Jenny looked over at Agnes the moment the damp icepack that was on Agnes' head connected with the side of her face. The pack knocked the phone from Jenny's hand, and Dan's worried cries could be heard from the phone's place on the floor.

"What the hell, Agnes? What did you do that for", Jenny demanded to know, sending death glares at her roommate. Jenny knew that she'd left the girl alone earlier, but that didn't give her the right to pummel an icepack to her head!

"Do you really want him to tell your uncle?". Jenny hated when people answered a question with another question but the icepack-throwing-girl was actually making sense. Jenny was thinking to herself about the consequences of having Dan know the truth about last night and here she was getting ready to throw the whole thing away. "Don't tell him. Say that it was my friend from when I use to model or Paris Hilton".

Jenny nervously picked the phone up and put it to her ear. "Sorry about that. I hit my toe on the desk…about, Agnes, her friend from when she modeled came to town and they went out last night".

Both girls waited silently for Dan's answer. "I'm just glad that you weren't with them".

Jenny nodded although she knew that Dan couldn't see her through the phone. "So am I".

"Do you want to hang out tonight. They are having this old cheesy movie showing at the theater on campus. Wanna go?".

"That would be awesome". She really missed spending time with Dan. They hadn't spent much time together since she arrived because they both were very busy with school.

"Great. I'm at the library right now with Serena, so just wait for me at the dorm", Dan explained before hanging up the phone.

Jenny felt the heat run through her body as she thought about going to Dan's room. There was a slight chance that Nate could be there and that both excited and scared Jenny at the same time. She had no idea how to react towards him after what happened last night.

"So what did he say?". Jenny walked over to the walk-in closet, which she shared with Agnes, on the other side of the room. "Did he believe the story about my friend?".

"He wants to hang out. I think he bought it". She called from the inside of the closet. She was standing on her side, trying to find something suitable to wear.

Agnes shook her head softly, the moment the realization of what Dan was trying to do came rushing through. He was only hanging out with Jenny so that she didn't hang out with her and be badly influenced. "You do know what he's trying to do".

"I have no idea what you're talking about". Jenny came from the closest wearing a pair of jeans underneath a black leather pleaded skirt and a white long-sleeved t-shirt with a small black J stitched to the front. "How do I look?".

Jenny twirled around in a circle so that bottom of her skirt flared up into the air. The tight ponytail that she brushed her hair up into swung back-and-forth. "Jenny, why are you getting all dolled up for a movie with your cousin".

The blonde blushed deeply and the look on Agnes' face told Jenny that she'd found the answer to her own question. 'You hoe. Whatever happened to 'he has a girlfriend?' huh".

Jenny shrugged, walking over to her bed and sitting down. "I have something to tell you, and it is major".

"Now you've got me interested. How many gossip points is it worth", Agnes smiled deviously, reaching for her cell phone which was on the bedside dresser near the lamp.

Jenny's well-arched eyebrows shook hands with each other in the middle of her forehead. "Gossip points. What the hell is that?".

Agnes giggled softly. "Sorry. I'm reading The Clique and it's kind of hard not to talk like themh She flashed the small paperback book in front of Jenny. "As you were, my dear".

She moved her legs underneath her butt and waited for her friend's undivided attention. "Last night while you were drunk, Nate showed up at the club".

There was a loud gasp from Agnes, as she covered her mouth with both hands. Once she was done being dramatic, Jenny continued. "He was all mad that I was there so then he got us a cab and brought us back to the dorm, and then I asked him why he cared so much….".

"What did he say? What did he say?", Agnes repeated, bouncing on her butt in the bed, the springs in the mattress squeaked softly.

"Agnes, calm down". Jenny herself was excited about telling the story, but she wanted Agnes to think that it was no big deal to her. "So then he said because he cared about me and then he leaned over and…kissed me!".

"Ohmygod!", Agnes squealed so loudly that Jenny thought all the glass in the entire room was going to shatter. "How did it feel?".

She shrugged. Jenny had never thought about the feeling of his lips on her face, just the fact that it happened. "I don't know".

"What do you mean, you don't know?", Agnes asked. She was more than confused. How could someone not know what a kiss felt like? It was their lips touching someone else's. They have to feel something, right? Unless…it was a kiss on the cheek. "Where exactly did he kiss you?".

Jenny laughed nervously before pointing to her right cheek. "There".

Agnes cocked her head softly to the side, a confused looks spread across her face. She looked up into Jenny's innocent eyes, not having the heart to burst her bubble. "That totally still counts".

"Really? Because my friend Kami told me a long time ago that cheek, forehead, and neck kisses totally don't count". Jenny remembered the words of her friend back in Brooklyn. The girl had explained the rules of kissing to Jenny the night they attended a party. The party that Jenny never forgot, no matter how hard she tried to.

"Neck kisses totally count, ok. It's still a kiss", Agnes insisted, although she secretly agreed with Jenny's friend.

Time moved on as Jenny and Agnes discussed her situation with Nate and what everything that happened between them the night before actually meant. The fact that Nate said he cared for Jenny made Agnes believe that it was true. She had heard rumors about him and Vanessa always arguing in the past when she attended St. Jude's & Constance Billard before graduating. So, there was a possibility that he could actually see Jenny as more than a friend. Time wined down and finally, Jenny was on her way to Nate and Dan's dorm room.

When Jenny approached Dan and Nate's dorm, a nervous feeling rushed through her entire body. Maybe it was because she didn't want Dan to find out about her late night with Agnes or because Nate was probably on the other side of the door. Jenny's mind went wild as she thought about what her and Nate's first words would be after the kiss. Grated it was on the cheek, but Agnes just told her that they counted. Nate also was the only person besides Blair and Agnes that knew the truth about last night.

She inhaled and exhaled deeply before knocking softly on the door. Jenny mentally prepared herself as she waited for either Dan or Nate to open the door.

"Jenny, hey". She shuttered at the sound of his deep soothing voice. Their eyes connected and Jenny thought she was going to die from the intensity. She could never seem to focus whenever he was around.

"Hi'. Jenny's voiced sounded higher than usual. She had no idea why Nate possessed such an influence on her. every time she saw or thought of him, Jenny became very weak in the knees. "I'm suppose to wait for Dan".

"I know", Nate smiled at her. He was trying his best not to be excited about her being there but he was. When Dan called to inform that she would be waiting for them in their room, Nate suddenly felt giddy. He hadn't been thinking last night when he kissed her on the cheek. But Nate was thinking clearly when he told Jenny that he cared for her. "Are you going to wait inside?".

"Right". Jenny laughed nervously as she crossed the threshold. On her way, Jenny caught a whiff Nate's muscular Sean John cologne. It was strong and manly. Jenny declared it as her new favorite scent. "Why weren't you in school today? Blair said that you weren't sick".

"Keeping tabs on me?", Nate teased as he shut the door and joined Jenny further into the room.

Jenny's face turned a shade of light pink, as her body temperature increased. If her hair wasn't in such a tight ponytail, she would have placed a strand of her hair behind her ear. It was a nervous trait that Nate knew about. Jenny tried to think of a witty comeback, but her mind was drawing a serious blank.

There was an awkward silence and Jenny looked around the room in a search for something to talk about. While doing this, Jenny spotted a picture on the bulletin board above Dan's bed. It was of Jenny and Dan on a trip to the Statue Of Liberty. She was only ten and Dan was eleven.

"I remember that day", Jenny stated to no one in particular.

Nate walked up next to her, so he could look at the picture. "You were cute".

Jenny turned to him and laughed. "I was missing teeth and my hair was brown".

"You were still adorable as ever". Jenny looked just as innocent today as she did in the picture. Her features were the same and you could tell from the picture that she would grow into a beautiful young woman.

Once again Jenny's face heated up and she couldn't think of something flirty or fun to say back. "Thanks".

"So, you seen the post about Agnes?", Nate asked, walking over to sit on his bed. He remembered seeing the post while having lunch with his father early in the day. Nate remembered instantly wanting to know if anyone realized the blond with Agnes was Jenny.

"Yeah. I was with Blair at the time". Jenny remembered seeing the post about her friend on Nate's step-sister's phone.

"You were with Blair? What did she say?", Nate asked with a bit of worry.

"She knew it was me, but promised not to say anything", Jenny shrugged softly. She took a few steps over towards Nate's bed and sat down next to him. "Can I ask you something?".

"Of course", Nate smiled, looking Jenny in the eyes.

"Do you think I shouldn't be friends with Agnes?", Jenny looked him dead in the eyes, wanting a straight and honest answer.

Nate sighed, not really knowing what to say. A lot of people told him that being friends with Chuck was a bad idea, but he'd stuck with his friend and they were close than ever now. "I don't think that my choice to decide".

"What do you mean by that? Last night you were mad because I went out with her", Jenny was rather shocked that he was having such a change of heart.

"Jenny, I overreacted last night, and I'm sorry". Nate thought about the way he acted towards her and realized that he was being to hard on her. He and Chuck would skip curfew all the time to hang out at the local clubs when they were underclassman. Jenny didn't know what to say, so she stayed quiet. Nate took that as a hint to move on from the subject. "How was English?".

"It was good. We started a new ch-Oh my God!", Jenny exclaimed, reaching for the picture of Nate from what seemed like last years Halloween, which was sitting on his bedside table. He was dressed as Johnny Depps' character from the pirates movie.

"No!", Nate sounded embarrassed. He really hated that picture. He'd lost a bet with Chuck and was forced to wear the costume to St. Jude's & Constance Billard boarding school Halloween dance.

"You were such a cute Captain Jack Sparrow". Jenny grabbed the picture so that she could get a better look of it. Nate tried to snatch the picture from her, but Jenny stood up from the bed quickly and moved across the room. "You should be proud of this picture".

"No I shouldn't". He really hated the fact that Jenny saw the picture. He'd wanted her to think that he was cool and not some kind of dork in a silly costume. "Give me that picture, Jenny".

"What picture?", Jenny asked innocently and for a second Nate almost believed that she was clueless about the picture. She held the picture behind her back and Nate stood up and moved towards her.

"Jenny". Nate tried to sound stern, but failed. It was more playful than serious. "Give me that picture".

"Really, I have no idea wh-". The rest of Jenny's words were lost when Nate picked her up over his shoulder. Jenny held on tight to the picture as he threw her down roughly on Dan's bed. He quickly straddled her and began ticking the sides of her stomach.

"Nate, stop please!". Jenny's words were mixed with laughter so it was very hard to understand her.

She continued to beg him to stop tickling her, but Nate didn't listen. He grabbed a hold of her wrist and pinned them above her head. He had a hard time gripping her wrist because of the bracelets and fingerless gloves she was wearing.

"The pictures nice because you look really hot", Jenny laughed.

It was then that they noticed how close they were to one another. There lips were only millimeter apart. Nate could smell the sweet scent of her soft perfume and shampoo. It was a smell that he was becoming to love and adore. Jenny could feel her head sift to the side as she stared hopelessly at Nate's lips.

He didn't think. He knew that if he did, he probably wouldn't and he wanted to more than anything. He dared himself to do this. Leaning forward, cupping one of her cheeks in his hands, he pressed his lips against her. The kiss was short and chaste, just his lips pressed to hers, moving against hers, slowly coaxing her into kissing him back. He slid his other hand onto her hip, and declared it a victory when he felt Jenny's hands come to a rest on his chest – not pushing away but not pulling him closer either. His teeth grazed at her lower lip and she moaned softly so he did it again before guiding her head, tilting it so he could kiss her deeper. His tongue swiped at her lips, silently pleading with her.

The kiss grew hungrier and Jenny's arm circled around his neck, one of her hands rubbing at the back of his head. He wanted to push her back onto the couch and bury himself just as deeply inside her and mimic the actions his tongue in her mouth were doing. But he wouldn't. He couldn't do that. He had a girlfriend. A girlfriend that he loved and cherished. But why was he doing this? Why was he kissing someone that wasn't her? Why was he developing feelings for Jenny? Why was he thinking about Vanessa less and Jenny more?

The sparks flew and the birds sung. It was a feeling that neither of them ever experienced. The kiss intensified as their lips moved passionately against one another's. Jenny couldn't believe that this was happening. She had fantasized about kissing Nate for a long time and it was happening. She loved the feeling of his lips on hers and Jenny wished that it could be this way forever. But it couldn't because Nate was already in a relationship. It was then that it hit her. Jenny was helping Nate cheat on his girlfriend. She was the other woman. She was a home-wreaker. She was the girl that you read about in books and hated. She was the girl that made it hard for the ones that were trying to have healthy relationships. The feeling of Nate's lips started to burn as the realization came crashing down. She was pathetic. She was wrong. No longer was the passion there. Her stomach churned with disgust and hatred. Hatred for herself because she should have known better.

"Nate…Nate". She tore her lips away from his, and Nate moved down towards her neck. "We have to-".

Jenny was cut off by a knock at the door. Nate snapped back to reality and realized that he just made out with Jenny, his roommates' baby cousin. Jenny avoided Nate's eyes as the both separated from each other. Sitting up on Dan's bed, Jenny stared at the floor as Nate went to open the door.

"Surprise!". A female voice exclaimed from the other side of the door. Jenny was so wrapped up in what she'd done, that she didn't notice the girl wrapped her arms around Nate's neck and hugged him tightly.

"Vanessa, what are you doing here?", Nate asked. It was then that Jenny looked up and noticed Nate's beautiful girlfriend standing in front of him with a huge smile on her face.


	6. Six: Scared Of Lonely

**A/N: **Hey People! I know that it has been a long time since I last updated this story and that was because I was having a little trouble, trying to get the chapter just right, and I feel as though I have reached the goal that I was going for in the first place. I was a little worried that the chapter might be too long and then I was worried that it might be enough after I edited most of the chapter. But now, I feel as though I have reached the point to where I like the chapter and accept it for what it is...It sounds like I'm talking about a person. lol.

Anyway, I'm having a crappy day, so your reviews would kind of put a smile on my face to let me know that not everything I touch turns to crap that crashes and burns.

Special thanks to my beta Jenna (**_chngingx3lanes **at LiveJournal) Thanks so much for assuring me that this chapter isn't total crap on a stick. Thanks so much for helping me edit the chapter and see that it is perfect this way!

xoxo, Alex

* * *

**Chapter Six - Sacred of Lonely**

_I'm in this fight and I'm swinging and my arms are getting tired  
I'm trying to beat this emptiness but I'm running out of time  
I'm sinking in the sand and I can't barely stand  
I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me  
I'm scared of lonely_

_I try to be patient but I'm hurting deep inside  
And I can't keep waiting, I need comfort late at night  
And I can't find my way, won't you lead me home?  
'Cause I'm lost in this dream, I need you to hold me_

_I'm scared of lonely  
And I'm scared of being the only shadow I see along a wall  
And I'm scared of the only heart beat I hear beating is my own  
And I'm scared of being alone, I can't seem to breathe  
When I am lost in this dream, I need you to hold me  
I'm scared of lonely, I'm scared of lonely_

Jenny's head was spinning uncontrollably as she watched the boy she was convinced to be in love with and his girlfriend hold one another tightly. Just seconds ago, Nate's arms was around her and the two of them were in heated make-out session but now his lips were on Vanessa's. Jenny instantly felt her stomach churn with disgust and remorse. She felt dirty and ashamed because of what she'd done. Vanessa didn't deserve to be cheated on. She didn't deserve to have another girl being intimate with the boy she loved. She didn't need for that commitment to be broken. Tears swelled Jenny's eyes, wanting desperately to become invisible. She wanted to take back the love that she had for Nate, but couldn't. Jenny and Nate were connected and now there was no breaking it. They shared something that couldn't be taken back and that made Jenny more sick.

"I missed you so much, babe". The words moved a mile a minute, crashing into Jenny's mental state.

She watched at how Nate's face lit up when he was around Vanessa, and become this whole different person. He was happy, smiling from ear-to-ear, his blue eyes twinkling with love. It was a much different reaction than when he was with Jenny. It was a better reaction. There was a flicker of hurt that flashed in Jenny's eyes. Nate looked at Jenny as if she were a fragile china doll that he didn't want to break. Even when kissing her Nate held back a little. He kissed her with care so that she didn't break.

"Who's she?". Vanessa's slightly rough voice bolted Jenny from her world wind of thoughts. She looked up at the girl, making eye contact for the first time. It was then that Jenny realized just how beautiful Vanessa was. The picture next to Nate's bed some how didn't do her justice. She was breath-taking, and Jenny understood why Nate loved her so much. Jenny told herself that Vanessa was much prettier than her. She also told herself that Vanessa was better in every way. And looking at how Vanessa and Nate interacted, she told herself that one person agreed.

"No one, just Dan's cousin Jenny". Nate explained, not once looking in Jenny's direction. He was afraid to look at her. Afraid to see the many of emotions that he knew was playing across her face.

"OK, well, nice to meet you". Vanessa walked over to Jenny. She stuck her hand out, waiting for the flustered girl on the bed to shake it.

"_No one, just Dan's cousin Jenny". _Nate's words played over and over in Jenny's mind as she stared blankly at Vanessa's hand. Nate just said that she was a no one. After what they'd just done, after what they'd just shared, Nate told Vanessa that she was no one. Unimportant. Inconsequential. Insignificant. Jenny had spent all her time thinking about Nate, convincing herself that she loved him and they were meant to me. But all that time, Nate saw her as an insignificant part in his life. Not a friend. A sister. A classmate. A lover. A nobody.

Jenny swallowed hard, trying to push the vomit rising in her throat down. "Hi. Nice to meet you too". Jenny stood, and shook Vanessa's outstretched hand. The tears that she was strong enough to push down, threatening to spill over.

"Where is Dan?", Vanessa asked, sitting down on Nate's bed. Nate shrugged, stating that he didn't know. Vanessa smiled, turning to Jenny. "I don't remember you from last year. Are you new to this school?".

The words were a blur in Jenny's mind, and all she could do was nod her head, yes, guessing that was the answer to all the questions Vanessa was about to ask her. Jenny's mind was a haze, trying to regain some kind of composure. Her head was throbbing, eyes hurting, body shaking, palms sweating, heart beating faster than Olympic track runners feet.

"My first year here was rough too, and had to tag along with all my brothers friends too". Vanessa's whole demeanor sort of threw Jenny off. She didn't come across as the jealous girlfriend, wanting to know who her boyfriend was spending his time with. She seemed too sure of herself and relationship with Nate. Jenny could sense that she was getting ready to dropped the biggest bombshell, but quickly pushed it out of her mind. Whatever it might be, Jenny wasn't going to stick around to further investigate. There was suddenly a loss of oxygen in the room, as Jenny's lungs began to close in on her. She couldn't breath. Couldn't think. She had to get out of there!

"I have to go". She whispered so soft that Jenny didn't even think they heard her. She quickly grabbed her bag from the floor next to Nate's bed, not noticing that her cell phone dropped out. Jenny moved quickly towards the door, making sure not to touch any part of Nate on her way out the door.

The moment Jenny excited the boys dormitory building, the tears started tumbling down her cheeks. Her mouth tasted like the familiarity of pennies, which meant she was on the verge of throwing up.

Jenny walked slowly towards her building, arms wrapped around her body tightly and her head hanging low. Jenny was ashamed of herself and wanted to be alone, drowning in the many thoughts racing through her mind. She wanted to get some kind of grip on the situation in front of her. She usually hated the silence, putting it under her list of horrible things, but tonight Jenny needed the silence. She depended on it like it was her last resort. Although she was surrounded by a campus full of chattering students, the bright stars and the busy city, Jenny didn't hear any of it. All she heard was Nate's harsh words playing over and over in her head.

The veins in her arm twitched, and Jenny desperately wanted to find the nearest sharp object. She looked down at her wire bracelets, wondering if they could get the job done. Jenny wanted to find that place she use to love so much. The place that made her feel like she could fly. The place that numbed the pain and gave her a feel better sense. She wanted to find that place that made her life easier. She needed that place. She needed that place more than anything. The taste of pennies was so strong now that Jenny doubted that she could hold down the vomit any longer and she couldn't because she soon found herself throwing up in the bush near her dormitory.

When Jenny opened up the door to her room, she was happy to know that Agnes was nowhere to be found. She knew that Agnes was going to have so many questions to ask if she was there. And Jenny didn't want that. She didn't need that. She just wanted to be left alone. Jenny usually hated being alone. Ever since that night, Jenny hated the thought if being alone, away from Dan and her uncle. She needed them so much and it scared her thinking about what would happen if they were no longer with her. But now, Jenny didn't need anyone. All she ever had was herself and wanted to keep it that way for a long time to come.

Jenny removed her jacket, throwing it on the bed along with her bag. She moved into the bathroom to wash her face, the sound of running water flooded the silence. She let the water get warm before, cupping her hands and throwing the warm water on her face and in her mouth. Jenny reached for the small hand towel on the rack, patting it across her face, then looking into the mirror. Her eyes were bloodshot, her face was puffy and her hair was everywhere. Most people would say that she looked horrible, but for the first time in over six months, Jenny recognized this face as her own.

She saw the girl that she use to be.

She saw the girl that would spend most of her time hiding from the rage of her alcoholic abusive father.

She saw the girl that would constantly be invisible to the world.

She saw the girl that would cry herself to sleep every night because her world was so cruel.

She saw _herself._

Ever since that night, Jenny had become a different person. She smiled more. She laughed more. She joked more. She had more friends. She trusted more. She was happy, and that made her feel sick. It seemed as if she was watching someone else live her life from a distance. It all felt like a dream that she was going to wake up from really soon. Jenny enjoyed her new life at times but it also confused her and made life so much harder. With her father gone from her life and cutting a thing of the past, Jenny had yet to discover just who she really was. To find out what kind of a person she was, and tonight Jenny felt like she'd gotten a sneak peak. She was the girl that threw all she had into a guy that showed her just a little bit of care. She was the girl that held onto something that she knew was never going to happen.

She was the girl that relied on others to protect her from the cruel world, but she was also the girl that could fight her own battles when needed. She was told to be dependent, yet unafraid to stand up for herself. She was told to be weak, but yet she'd over come so many obstacles. She was told to be depressed, yet Jenny was the happiest she'd been in her whole life. She was the girl that everyone liked to believe was innocent and sweet. She was the girl that everyone believed to be naive.

But while everyone saw her as these things, Jenny herself couldn't say who she was. She was lost in a sea of people that could define themselves in one word. Blair was tough, Serena was angelic, Chuck was dangerous, Dan was judgmental, Agnes was fun, Eric was lonely, and Nate was confused. But yet as she went down the list of adjectives she could think of, Jenny found nothing that could describe herself.

She walked out of the bathroom for a brief moment to retrieve the scissors she knew that Agnes kept at the bottom of her bedside table drawer, then returned to the bathroom. Looking at herself in the mirror, then at the scissors, Jenny's mind flashed back to all the times she'd cut herself. Her veins twitched again and Jenny balled her hand into a fist. She ripped off the many of bracelets and fingerless gloves, the small round metals pinging against the floor and sink. Jenny looked at the six month old scars, having not healed all the way.

Jenny reached up, pulling the elastic from her hair, it falling like a curtain around her shoulders. Ever since she was young, Jenny loved her long hair and so did the people around her. Her father liked it because it was an easy way for him to grab a hold of her. Her mother liked it because it resembled her own mother's hair. Her friends liked it because they wanted their hair to be just as long. People on the street liked it because it was blond and beautiful. And Jenny herself liked it because at a young age she would always want a prince to climb up her hair to rescue her just like Repunzul. But now that her dream of having a Prince Charming was dead, Jenny no longer needed her long hair.

With no emotion in her eyes, Jenny cut a chunk of her long blond hair. She stared unresponsive to the scissors effects. Snip. She did it again. Snip. Another piece. Each piece fell lifeless on the floor and against the sink. This was it. She was changing. With each piece of hair fell a piece of her old life. Her hurt. Her regret. Her trust. Her love. She needed to find herself, and maybe a new hair cut would help.

Once she was done, Jenny dropped the scissors in the sink, chipping the white paint just a bit from their sharpness. She smoothed a hand over her newly short locks. The last time Jenny had been this daring, she'd gotten beaten for it and her problem started, and Jenny half expected for that to happen this time. But it didn't. no fierce blow to the side of her face, no yelling and cursing. Just her newly short hair.

"Hey, Jen". Agnes greeted, as she walked into their room. The brunette sounded tired, like she'd been through a very rough couple of hours. Jenny watched in the bathroom mirror as Agnes passed by, on her way to the closet. Jenny bent down, rushing to put back on her fingerless gloves, that were once hiding the scars. As Jenny was picking up the bracelets, she heard the soft sound of Agnes' heals thumping against the hardwood floor. Agnes appeared in the doorway, looking down at Jenny, who was still bent over. "You're back early. What happened with you and Dan?".

Jenny stood up straight, holding the bracelets in her hand. She watched as Agnes' deep brown eyes widened in shock. "What happened to your hair?".

"I cut it". Jenny answered, amusement present in her tone. The look on her roommate's face was priceless.

Agnes just stood there a moment before walking into the bathroom and towards Jenny. She reached out and touched the girl's hair, then jumped back as if the hair had bitten her. "OhMyGod! Jenny, why did you do that?".

Jenny turned to look at herself in the mirror then looked back at Agnes. "I guess, I just needed a change".

Agnes shrugged, taking another step back from Jenny. "Apparently, so do I".

"What do you mean?", Jenny asked, picking some of the blond hair off the front of her shirt. She looked up at Agnes, watching as an unfamiliar emotion flickered in her eyes. It was a look Jenny had never seen Agnes possess.

"I got suspended". It was then Jenny's turn to widen her eyes and drop her mouth in shock. She hadn't seen that one coming at all. "Headmistress saw the post about me on Gossip Girl".

"I made out with Nathaniel Archibald". Jenny smiled faintly at the semi excited look on Agnes' face. She looked down at the floor, kicking one of her bracelets over by the bathtub. "It was going good until his girlfriend showed up".

Agnes laughed softly. "I cannot tell you how many times that has happened to me".

Jenny cracked a smile at her roommate's words. "It was pretty...intense".

"Because of that you decided to chop all your hair off", Agnes laughed. She started to feel bad until she saw that Jenny herself was starting to laugh.

"Pretty much, yeah". The now short haired blond laughed harder at her own actions.

"I'm suspended until next semester". Agnes confessed and the two girls laughed harder. Neither knew why but they found both their situations funny. Agnes moved backwards a little, and as she did this, her heal slipped on one of Jenny's bracelets and she fell backwards onto the rug.

"Let me help". Jenny tried to regain normal breathing. She reached her hand out to Agnes, but as she did so, she too slipped on one of the bracelets and fell.

They both laughed hysterically on the bathroom floor, their shoulders and chest shaking wildly. Neither of them got the point of them laughing at a very crucial time in their life, but they were. it was very cathartic for the both of them, after a long drama filled week. It helped them to let everything go and just be free.

"We're pretty messed up, huh". Jenny commented softly once the laughter in the room had died down. She looked over at Agnes to see that she was staring back at her.

"You can say that again". Agnes smirked, kicking off her heels that had recently caused her to fall flat on her butt. Agnes knew that she was about to enter a very touchy subject, but she just had to stop her wondering questions. "What are you going to do about Nate?".

Jenny looked up at the ceiling, concentrating hard on the patterns and different designs. "I think I'm going to forget about Nate". It was much easier said than done, but she half trusted herself to follow through with her plan. "What about you?".

"Well, my mom already has me lined up for a bunch of modeling jobs". Agnes stated sadly. She hated the fact that her mother shipped her away the first chance she got. But of course Agnes never spoke those words out loud. It was much easier for her to keep things bottled in rather than risk getting her or having someone use it against her. "I have so much to pack".

Jenny sighed, thinking about the many of clothes her roommate had tucked away in their joined walk-in closet. She looked over at Agnes and spoke, "Can I have you Juicy zip-up sweater?".

Agnes gasp, in fake shock, before smacking Jenny playfully on the leg. "Here I am getting ready to leave and you're asking me for clothes".

"This coming from the girl that asked to borrow my bracelet the first day I met her". Jenny contoured, with smirk on her face, knowing that she'd won against Agnes.

"Touché". Agnes laughed, slowly rising from the floor. She extended her arm out to Jenny, and helped the girl up as well. "Come on, let's go to bed. We'll clean all this up later".

Jenny smiled, nodding in agreement, before letting out a much needed yawn. She hadn't realized just how tired she was until now. All that crying really made her tired.


	7. Seven: The Road I'm On

**A/N: **Hiiiiii, everyone! I know that it's been a really long time since I updated and I am like so sorry for that, it's just that school was getting tough with it being close to the end of the year and all, so I had to take finals and all that stuff, but anyway, the school year is over and I am free to update as much as I want. Thanks you all for the amazing reviews/feedback I got last chapter, and I really hope that you all love this chapter.

xoxo, Alex

Thanks so much to my beta, Jenna (******_chngingx3lanes** At LiveJournal) Thank you so much, hon, for all your help.

* * *

**Chapter Seven - The Road I'm On**

_She said life's a lot to think about sometimes  
When you're living in between the lines  
And all the stars they sparkle and shine everyday_

_He said life's so hard to move in sometimes  
When it feels like I'm towin' the line  
And no one even cares to ask me why I feel this way_

_I know you feel helpless now and I know you feel alone  
That's the same road, the same road that I am on_

The next morning felt like a new start for both Jenny and Agnes. They'd both spent half the morning cleaning up the bathroom, laughing and talking about random things, both avoiding all conversations about Agnes' suspension and Jenny's weird love triangle. It was much better for them to just ignore the life altering events, and be happy even if it was all over the moment they walked out the dorm room or turned on their cell phones to see that latest Gossip Girl blast, most likely starring the two of them. For Jenny, reality would hit her in only three minutes, because that's how long it took Eric to get from his dorm to hers. The two of them were having breakfast that morning, an event scheduled before last night, and Jenny couldn't cancel on Eric. He was the one person that she could talk to, without judgment, and comments on how her current situation could effect the progress she'd been making for months.

When Eric arrived at the dorm, Jenny smiled, gracious that he was suddenly in her presence. Jenny missed Eric, only seeing him in group therapy at the hospital, biology, and lunch. But with everything happening over the past week, she never rarely got a chance to share her thoughts with the one person she knew understood her completely, even if he hadn't been there for the long ride. Eric was the one person she could bare her soul to, not regretting it later. It surprised Jenny how much she told Eric, muttering things she hadn't even told Dan, who wanted her to tell him everything. With Eric the words flowed helplessly, not a hint of regret.

"So, you and Nate". Eric repeated for the third time, he and Jenny walking across campus towards The Union for breakfast. Jenny filled him in on the Nate situation the moment they stepped out the door.

"Yeah". Jenny smiled sheepishly, her face turning a light shade of scarlet. The whole night on her bed, Jenny tossed and turned, trying not to think about Nate, but the more she tried not to think, the more she saw his face in her mind. His perfect lips, soft against hers, forming those ugly words that had Jenny cringing in her sleep, desperate to vanish them forever. "But he's got a girlfriend".

"Nate and Vanessa aren't the perfect couple, you know". Eric tried to comfort Jenny, but it clearly wasn't working, although it was the truth. While Nate and Vanessa were happy together, there were times when they butted heads, fighting for days. Eric remembered this from all the Christmas and thanksgiving breaks Nate sulked in the mist of a fight with Vanessa.

"There is no such things as the prefect couple", Jenny agreed, staring straight ahead. She watched as the students of Constance Billard & St. Jude's checked their phones for the latest Gossip Girl blast.

"There is also no such thing as the perfect guy". Jenny knew that he was talking about Nate, but that didn't stop her from further investigating his reasons.

"What's that suppose to mean", she asking, stuffing her hands into the front pockets of her jean mini skirt.

"It means that you can't blame just Nate", Eric protested as the two of them walked through the back parking lot of the school, which was used for drunken car sex/one night stands.

"I don't blame him. Nate is far from being the blame in this situation, I am". Jenny declared, a sadden tone of voice.

"You can't blame yourself either, Jenny". Jenny looked over him, a vacant look on her face. There were times when Jenny never understood her friend, and this was one of those times.

"Well, then who can I blame?", Jenny asked .

Eric sighed deep, placing his words together carefully. "Jenny, people are ruled by their hormones, right? They see something they like and go after it. It's not something you want to control, but it's something you have to control otherwise you'd be a whore".

Her face remained the same, blank, as the words left her friends mouth and her mental system. Once again Eric was making no sense. "Did you just call me a whore?".

He laughed softly, throwing an arm around Jenny's shoulder and pulling her close. Thankfully, Jenny was wearing flats and they were level with one another. "What I mean is that things like what you and Nate have are uncontrollable. You can't stop them and you sure as hell can't runaway from them. It's like electricity".

They walked together in silence for a while, Jenny thinking about Eric's previous statement. Maybe things with her and Nate were uncontrollable, but it was indeed something she could run from. It would be an easy deal to avoid Nate, the campus was big and she'd always been good at lying to Dan. She could get a new seat in English, somewhere far away from Nate's seat in the back of the room.

"So, do you mind telling me why you mauled your hair exactly". Eric asked, a playful smirk on his face.

Jenny laughed, hitting him softly on the arm. "You sound like Agnes".

They were steps away from the Union, just having to go over the biggest hill on the school campus. "Dan is going to freak when he sees you".

"That he is", Jenny agreed. They arrived at the Union door, a restaurant on, with a few people looking, whispering and snapping pictures on their phone for gossip girl. Jenny groaned softly as Eric open the door for her.

The smell of coffee, sugar, and baked goods laced the air behind the doors of the restaurant. The campus hang out was slim, only one table full of people and a couple in the mist of what looked to be a heated argument. The table full was a group that both Jenny and Eric were familiar with. Jenny thought about ducking down and shuffling back out the door without a single word, but the plan was short lived when Serena spotted her, letting out a shocked shriek, causing the whole table, the arguing couple, and a few staff workers to look in Jenny's direction. She cursed silently to herself, when Serena waved her and Eric, having no choice but to join them. It all went by a blur, the constant questions about her hair, Jenny's same response of needing a change continuously falling from her lips. Dan continued to give her questioning looks, but she avoided those, along with all glances of Nate and Vanessa, who's hands were intertwined underneath the table. There were times when Jenny could feels Nate's eyes on her, heating the skin as he stared, leaving an intense shiver, when he looked away.

"So, Jenny are you and Eric a couple?" Vanessa's slightly rough voice slithered into Jenny's ears, causing her heart to beat frantically in her chest. Not because of the question but the risk of having to look at Nate's face, if she turned to look at Vanessa.

It was like Eric could sense her discomfort, jumping in to answer, "No. Jenny and I are just friends".

She mouthed a small 'thank you' to Eric, before taking a small sip of her coffee, the strong drink burning the inside of her mouth and throat. Jenny usually wasn't a fan of the pick-me-up drink but today she didn't care. It was a great distraction, avoiding all conversations with Vanessa, who seemed very interested in Jenny's non existent love life.

"Jenny, I'm surprised to see you up so early", Vanessa tried yet again to strike a conversation with her.

Jenny looked at the dark haired beauty confusingly , catching her first glance at Nate since last night. His face was indifferent, an unreadable expression. "I really don't understand".

Vanessa smiled. It wasn't a warm and friendly smile. It was different, one that Jenny couldn't quite make out. "I mean, you looked really sick last night when you left".

You have no idea, Jenny thought to herself. She looked over at Eric for a hopeful subject change, but his face was blank. Eric never did well under pressure, even when it was someone else's. Jenny turned back to Vanessa, dipping into her two year acting training at her old school. "Oh, I just had this sudden wave of nausea come over me".

"I bet. Your face was really red when I came in". Vanessa raised a knowing eyebrow, making Jenny shiver again.

Eric then found his subject change. "Jenny, are you cold? They keep it freezing in here". The subject was officially changed, when everyone started to complain about the climate inside of the restaurant. Jenny kept her eyes on the declining coffee in her cup as everyone around her laughed and made jokes. It was then that Jenny got the same feeling she did last night. The one where she felt lost, trying to find her true self in a sea of people that could be defined by one word. It was suffocating, the intense feel of being alone, even when surrounded by tons of people.

"Excuse me". Jenny mumbled softly, although she was sure no one was listening. She made a mad dash for the bathroom, hiding in one of the stalls. Jenny instantly felt herself breathing, rising above the sea.

After a few more minutes of collecting herself, Jenny walked from the bathroom stall, towards the mirrors above the sinks. She didn't look as bad as she did last night, but her look wasn't stable. Smoothing her hair down and applying a fresh coat of lip-gloss, Jenny walked out of the bathroom area and into the little sitting room, which was a bit much for a bathroom, but definitely cute.

"Jenny". She jumped slightly, his velvet voice captured her ears the moment she stepped into the hallway. Nate was leaning against the wall, a pained expression on his face. Jenny was at a lost for words, her body not being bale to move. Their eyes were connected, Jenny's breath hitching in her throat almost causing her to choke.

"Nate, w-what-". She didn't even finish her sentence before he cut her off.

"I'm sorry, Jenny, I didn't expect for any of this to happen". Jenny's face reddened, not needing another rejection from him. It was her turn to cut him off.

"Nate, it's alright, I understand. You and I were just…", Jenny trailed off, not finding the right words to say. She needed something prefect for what they had. "..a faze".

For a few seconds Nate's face displayed the confusion, then hurt, before composing himself. "Jenny, what are you talking about?".

She sighed deeply, looking away from his questioning eyes. "I'm talking about you and me". Jenny explained, gesturing between them.

"So am I", Nate agreed, although he still seemed confused by her earlier words.

"But I know what you're going to say, Nate". Jenny's voice was raising slightly, due to nervousness. She ran a hand though her hair, uneasy about what was going to happen next between them.

Nate looked frustrated with her, pulling softly on the short strands of his messy dark blonde hair. "What am I going to say?".

She looked down at the points of her shoes, avoiding his eyes completely. "You're going to say that you love Vanessa and you had this moment of weakness and you're sorry for hurting my feelings".

There was a long awkward moment, both Jenny and Nate at a loss for words. But more Nate than Jenny. He couldn't understand how lost Jenny was to his feelings for her. He might have never told her, but Nate liked Jenny as more than just a friend. He thought about her all the time, especially now that they've kissed. He couldn't shake the feeling of her lips on his, moving softly, but passionate, in perfect synch. He couldn't forget the way she smiled at him, laughed his name when he told a not-so-funny joke, the nervous habit she had of brushing a strand of hair behind one ear. He liked her, every part, and although it has been only hours before he'd last seen her, Nate truly missed her.

But above all that, Nate hated the fact that he'd somehow made her feel like she wasn't important to him, like his feeling for her weren't real. Nate thought he'd been more than clear of his feeling for her, but looking into her eyes just seconds ago, Nate knew that it was Jenny's mind that was pushing the obvious feeling he had for her away.

Taking his silence for conformation, Jenny slowly started to walk away, but was stopped by his sudden grip on her wrist. It was a haze as Nate's lips connected with hers. The kiss was similar to the one last night, but somehow it was much better. Not because it was forbidden; it was real. And Jenny could feel it. Vanessa was only a few feet away instead of a couple thousand miles, and Nate was kissing her with the same amount of passion as last night, maybe even more.

Circling his arms around her waist, Nate lifted her softly off the ground, pushing her gently into the wall behind him. The kiss between them intensified, Jenny braiding her hands into the softness of his hair. Nate moved one hand from her waist, traveling down to the hem of her shirt, massaging the tips of his fingers alone the bottom planes of her stomach.

"Nate", she moaned softly into his hair, Nate's lips touching the line of her jaw, then down to her neck. He sucked on the skin, not caring if he left a mark. Jenny bit down on the top of his ear, sucking the auricle between her teeth. There was a low grunt that escaped Nate's throat, causing Jenny to do it again. Wrapping her arms around his neck, Jenny pulled Nate down to her level, pulling their bodies closer together, if that was possible.

Nate stopped his actions, untangling himself. Jenny stared in disbelief, knowing that he was about to reject her again, but she was mistaken. He smiled, grabbing a hold of her hand, walking them both down the hallway into a more secluded area, behind a wall where no one could see them. He pushed her up to the wall, lips attacking hers once again. He traced the bottom of her lip with his tongue, before sticking it into her mouth, where they skirmished for dominance.

"I want you so much", Nate hissed into her ear, sending a delicious shiver all the way down to her toes. It seemed as if Nate's lips were everywhere on her body: lips, cheeks, neck, collarbone, ear, throat. There was something about Nate's words that halted Jenny's pleasure, sending her back into the real world. The world in which he had a girlfriend and she was the cousin of his roommate. Before last night Jenny would have loved hearing Nate say those words, probably giving herself to him, but something inside Jenny changed. She was satisfied to hear him say that, but it wasn't enough. This wasn't enough, hiding in the hallway of some restaurant in a dark corner. She needed all of him-his heart, soul and body-to be with her, no interruptions.

"Nate, I can't do this", Jenny whimpered, forcing herself from Nate's hungry lips and roaming hands. She folded her arms across the front of her cardigan, letting Nate know she meant business. To keep himself from touching her, Nate shoved his hands into the front pockets of his jeans, which Jenny noticed looked great on him. "I can't have you like this".

"I know", he admitted. Nate knew that admitting his feelings to Jenny was going to end up with someone being hurt, something he really didn't want, but knew had to be done.

Jenny shrugged, tucking a strand of hair behind one ear. "I can't have just a part of you, and I sure as hell can't sneak around with you like this. I'm not strong enough".

Running a discouraged hand through his hair, Nate sighed, meeting Jenny's eyes. "I have to choose between you and Vanessa".

She nodded softly, sniffling though her words, on the verge of tears. "No matter what you do, someone is going to get hurt, whether it be me, Vanessa, or yourself".

Nate leaned back against the wall, resting for a brief moment. Jenny shook with fear as he did this, not knowing what was going to come from his beautiful lips. "You don't know how hard this is for me, Jenny, having to choose between the both of you".

Soft tears clouded her visions, mouth tasting like pennies, veins switching, expecting the worst as she always did. Jenny knew that she was putting herself and Nate through a lot, but something inside her needed to know how he felt about her, if he was willing to be with her, give himself and his heart. Jenny needed to know if what they had could turn into something more, if Eric was right about their feelings for one another being uncontrollable. She needed to know where she stood with him.

"Look, Jenny, I love Vanessa. I love her a lot, and you, well…", Nate trailed off, not knowing what to say next, trying to piece the words together, making them just right.

"You don't love me". She finished for him, a sad smile on her face. Nate stayed quiet, Jenny then knew that he'd chosen, and it wasn't her. Nodding to herself, Jenny walked away from him, out of the darkness and into the light of the hallway. At the end of it, she could see Eric, coffee cup in hand, a sad look on his face, one that Jenny was sure mirrored her own. He reached his hand out to her and she took it graciously, letting her best friend pull her into his arms, comforting her, the tears softly streaming down her face and onto his sweater.

At the other end of the hallway, Nate watched them go, a touch of jealously. It killed him softly to see her go, in Eric's arms, letting him wipe her tears. He leaned back to the wall, letting his head with a thwack. He fished in his pocket for the small fuchsia colored cell phone, which belong to Jenny. He'd found it when she left, placing it under his pillow, opening it up after Vanessa was fast asleep. Nate planned on giving it to her today, but decided to keep a hold on it, claiming it as his last piece of Jenny, the only connection he had to her. Even after it was out of service and Jenny would get a new one, he would keep it, the last piece of Jenny he had left.

When Jenny got back to her dorm, having cried softly the whole way there, she was greeted by an empty room. Agnes' side was bare, her theater posters, candles, and clothes all gone. There was a single note taped to the lap. There on the lap, in Agnes' neat handwriting it said:

_Jen,_

_You might no be back in time to see me off, but I'll miss you. You've been the best friend that I've never had._

_-Love, Agnes_

A small tear fell onto the note, smearing the ink. Jenny looked down at her watch. It wasn't too late and if she hurried, Jenny knew that she would be able to catch Agnes. Running out the door and down to the campus parking lot, the same one she'd entered her first day at St. Jude's & Constance Billard. Across the parking lot, Jenny could see Agnes standing beside the black limousine, this sunglasses covering her eyes, strapless sundress, hair blowing softly in the wind. Jenny smiled to herself. No wonder Agnes was a model, she was beautiful even when trying not to be. Jenny rushed over to her friend, a smile on her face.

"Jenny, I didn't think you'd get back in time", Agnes exclaimed pulling Jenny into a tight friendly hug. When they pulled back, she looked into her friends eyes noticing something wasn't right. "What's wrong?".

Jenny knew that Agnes would be able to tell something was wrong with her. It was something Jenny both loved and hated about Agnes, she could never keep anything from her. "Nate and I are officially over".

"What happened?", Agnes asked sadly, hating the fact that her friend was in pain. She smoothed down Jenny's hair, bringing her into another hug. "I'm so sorry, babe".

The tears started to fall easily as before. "I told Nate to choose and he did".

Agnes smiled sadly, wiping the stray tears from her friends face. "If it makes you feel any better, I always thought Nate's hair was a little too prefect, clearly there was something up with him".

Jenny laughed at Agnes's attempt to cheer her up. "I'm really going to miss you, Aggie".

She smiled, touching Jenny's cheek softly. "I hate it when you call me Aggie".

She laughed, mimicking Agnes' movement. "I hate it when you call me Jen". They laughed, hugging again, before Agnes stepped inside the limo, rolling the window down.

There was a sudden wave of intense sadness as Jenny thought about what this all meant. Agnes was leaving, her room now a single. She would be alone from now on, with no way of escaping the real world and her problems for just a little while. She wasn't going to have Agnes there, distracting her from her own problems. Jenny's nights were going to be boring now, spent alone in the silence of her dorm room. The sudden realization hit Jenny hard, thinking about the kind of downfall this would cause once it really sunk into her system.

"Jenny, are you alright?", Agnes asked, looking at her friend with worried eyes. Jenny nodded, so she decided to believe her. "I'm really going to miss you, Jennifer Humphrey".

Jenny smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind one ear. "I'll miss you, too".

She waved one last time at Agnes before the windows went up, and the limousine rode off, into traffic, taking Agnes far away from her as possible. Deep down, Jenny doubted the fact that she would see Agnes again, her life planning to sky rocket the moment she hit the runway. She'd probably never come back to school, abandoning her academic future forever. Jenny waved good-bye to the limo even though she was sure Agnes could no longer see her, just a spot in the back window, blurring in with the rest of the world.

Inside the black limo, Agnes looked back at her friend, afraid to leave her alone, sad and lonely. She knew all about Jenny's history, having found the brochures from the hospital, papers, and journal Jenny used to document the days and her rode to recovery. Agnes hadn't meant to find the stuff, stumbling upon them when she was looking for tape in Jenny's desk. Her initial reaction was shock, then understanding. The signaling of a text message on her phone, brought Agnes forward, checking the latest Gossip Girl blast.

**Spotted:** _Agnes Sparks leaving St. Jude's & Constance Billard for good. The bad girl had a very South of Nowhere send off, hugging Little J and touching her face. I'm actually going to miss this train wreak, after all, she was the star of my weekend post, always ending up passed out somewhere or hooking up with someone else's boyfriend. But AS isn't the only person taking the walk of shame this morning. Could this be the end of one of our beloved couples? You tell me. They say that a picture is worth a thousand words, well, a video must be worth millions._

_xoxo, Gossip Girl_


	8. Eight: Gravity

**A/N: **Hiiiii. Thank you all so much for the WONDERFUL reviews/feedback that you all left me last chapter. I am so glad that you all are loving the story this much, and it means the world to me, so thank you very, very much. This chapter, I am really proud of, I think that it's a really good one, not saying that the others aren't good, but with this chapter I worked really hard on. I actually stayed up until midnight trying to finish this chapter because lord knows I can't stop writing once I start. Thanks again, and I hope you all leave good reviews.

Thanks so much to my beta Jenna (**_chngingx3lanes **at LiveJournal) You are an awesome person and you helped me so much.

xoxo, Alex

* * *

**Chapter Eight - Gravity**  
_  
Something always brings me back to you.  
It never takes too long.  
No matter what I say or do I'll still feel  
you here 'til the moment I'm gone._

_You hold me without touch.  
You keep me without chains.  
I never wanted anything so much than to drown  
in your love and not feel your rain._

_Set me free, leave me be. I don't want to fall  
another moment into your gravity.  
Here I am and I stand so tall, just the way I'm supposed  
to be. But you're on to me and all over me._

Eight Months Earlier

Picking at the bandage on her left wrist, Jennifer Humphrey stayed silent. The room was cold, the air blowing wildly from the air-conditioning above. The clock ticked, counting the minutes until the end of their first session. The room was dimly lit, the sun shining softly against the mahogany furniture through the open curtains. Jennifer looked around the room, taking in the unfamiliar scenery, pictures, and framed certificates plastered all over the wall. Feeling the taste of pennies in her mouth, she leaned forward, helping herself to another chocolate from the bowl sitting on the coffee table in front of her. The therapist she was seeing today kept a lot of them in a small ceramic bowl.

When the door opened, Jenny looked up, the therapist entering the room, clipboard in hand. She smiled at Jennifer, taking her seat in the cushy brown recliner chair. "Sorry if I'm a little late. I had to pick up my niece and nephew from school".

Jennifer looked down at the bandage on her arm, picking at the cotton again. "It's fine. I ate some of your candy".

The woman smiled, pulling a dish of candy from the table next to her, setting it in her lap. "It's alright. Those are for you".

She smiled, pulling another candy from the jar. "These are really good".

"They're from the little bakery around the corner". Capturing her hair in a low ponytail, she tied in with blue elastic. She pulled out a pin from her purse, positioning it on the paper on top of the clipboard. "How about you tell me a little bit about yourself".

To avoid talking, Jennifer leaned over taking another chocolate, sucking on the candy until it dissolved in her mouth. Her silence didn't seem to annoy the woman in navy blue. Instead she just sat their, eating her own bowl of candy, waiting for Jennifer to answer the question.

Susan Boyd was a therapist to young people under the age of twenty-five. She sported sandy brown hair, keeping it pulled from her face with a headband or elastic most days. Susan's eyes were a deep brown color, and she didn't look a day over thirty. Her face was warm and friendly, but that didn't mean Jennifer wanted to converse with her. In fact, Jennifer didn't want to talk to anyone. If she wasn't here by force, then Jennifer never would have come. It was all apart of the program her uncle and the hospital trusted upon her. She didn't want to be in this place, with all these unfamiliar people. Their problems were different from hers. She _wasn't_ crazy or harmful to herself, messed up like her roommate and the others in group therapy. She just _liked_ to do something that others frowned upon. Leaning back even further on the couch, she silently ate from the chocolate bowl.

The next time Jennifer went back to therapy, it was in the middle of June and she still hadn't spoken to the Susan. Just like before, the woman sat patiently, munching on chocolates, waiting for Jennifer's words to escape; they never came. Not during that session or the three more after that. All that went on was eating, both females bound to have cavities. During that silence, Jennifer would wonder about her parents, hoping that her mother was alright wherever she was, and praying that her alcoholic father wouldn't find her. Jennifer sometimes missed her mother, wondering if she was getting the help she needed. She wondered if Uncle Rufus was helping her mother the same way he'd supposedly helped her.

The first time Jennifer spoke to Susan again was to complement her on a dress she was wearing. It was white, blue lace outlining the bottom. Susan smiled, relaying with a _'thank you'_.

The second time she spoke again was three sessions after the last time, the beginning of July. Susan was showing Jennifer pictures of her fiancée. He was visiting his parents in Florida, Susan's hometown. Jennifer complemented on a picture of Susan and her fiancée, saying they looked good together.

It was the end of July when Jennifer spoke again, provoking a conversation. "I'm not crazy".

Susan looked up from her clipboard, her face calm. "No one said you were crazy, Jennifer".

She looked down, playing with the fresh bandage on her arm. The scars underneath were still healing. She'd had gotten a replacement after trying to cut herself with the spoon they gave out at dinner. "Yeah? Well, then why am I here?".

"Because your family is worried about you", Susan answered softly, her voice warm and friendly. She wrote a note down on her clipboard, before focusing her attention back to Jennifer. "Why do you think you're here?".

That was all it took for Jennifer to shut down. Silence. It continued throughout most of their session together.

It was August when Jennifer finally answered the question. "My Uncle Rufus and all the doctors think I tried to kill myself".

"Were you trying to kill yourself, Jennifer?", Susan asked hesitantly, not wanting Jennifer to shut down again.

"You can call me Jenny...if you want". She shifted uncomfortably in her seat, leaning forward to grab another chocolate. "I didn't try to kill myself that night. I was just releasing some anger, and I must have cut too deep".

"What made you angry that night?". The question threw Jennifer off a bit, but didn't stop her from answering the question. "Did something happen to you that mad you angry?".

"I was more sad than angry". Jennifer picked up another candy, unwrapping it slowly, the _rustle_ of the rapper loud in her ears. The taste of pennies was strong as she finally confessed, "I was just...feeling lonely, I guess".

Susan continued to scribble in her notebook. Without looking up she asked, "Why were you feeling lonely?".

Outside, Jennifer could hear the hustle and bustle of the city: taxi's honking their horns, New Yorkers walking the pavement, tourist amazement of seeing the wonderful city. It was all going down just eight stories below. In a city like this it was impossible to feel lonely, with the bright lights, and different personalities on every street. But for a girl like Jennifer, loneliness came easy. It overcame her like the one and only emotion she'd ever had or known. It didn't matter if she was in a crowded room, people screaming her name, laughing with her until the sky turned from ebony to auburn, she would always feel that loneliness that came creeping back to her, just when her world started to turn around and get better.

Looking up at Susan, blank expression on her face. "Because my life sucks".

* * *

**Present Day**

"My Life Sucks!", Jenny groaned, swatting the snooze button on her alarm clock. The annoying beeping sound played in her ears until they wanted to bleed. Rising up from her bed, hair matted to her head, Jenny noticed the clock showed 8: 15 a.m. meaning she'd missed the first half of her first period class. She rushed from the bed and into the shower, getting dressed at a record time of four minutes. Forgetting her makeup and accessories, Jenny grabbed her school bag, and tumbled out the door. She ran as fast as her long legs would take her towards the North East part of campus to where her first class was in the Hartford Building.

After Agnes' departure from school, Jenny spent the rest the four-day weekend in the city with her Uncle Rufus and his new girlfriend Bex. She was an art dealer that captured Rufus' eye, meeting her on his quest to buy new painting for the penthouse he'd brought in Los Angeles. Rufus was a famous musician, his band named the "Next U2" by _Rolling Stones_ magazine. Rufus was playing two shows in Brooklyn and Westchester the weekend, letting Jenny tag along. She stayed backstage with Bex, talking about random things and gushing over how good the band sounded. Jenny attended a lot of her uncle's concerts when she was younger, playing pranks on the sound men with Dan backstage. But it was the first time Jenny got to hear the music, understanding why people loved her uncle's band so much. His songs were real, trials and tribulations of the average American. There was even a song dedicated to her titled, 'Blue-eyed Girl'. Most people would be furious to have a song written about their troubles and at first Jenny was, but she soon came to realize that the song was made out of love.

In between the concerts, Jenny would spend time with Bex, shopping at the mall, make deals for her clients on good pieces of art, and slurping down iced lattés at _Starbucks_ getting to know each other better. She learned that Bex grew up in Virginia where her family owned a chain of art galleries for local artist. She moved to the city when she was twenty-two, looking to be the biggest art broker in town. Jenny learned more about her clients and the day she'd met Rufus, their first date a total disaster due to Bex getting sick from the shrimp dinner she'd ate. Jenny became to adore Bex, her witty sense of humor and kind heart making her the perfect match for Rufus. Jenny also spent time with her uncle, skating in Central Park, laughing when her uncle would fall into the grass after losing his balance yet again. They went to movies, late night of course, after he'd practiced for the up-coming show. Jenny would tell Rufus her progress in group therapy, how she'd met Eric, her friend Agnes that got suspended, and the phone she'd lost, leaving out all parts of Nate.

Besides hanging with Bex, Rufus, and the tour staff, Jenny hadn't really thought much about Nate. Sure there were the 'occasional' thoughts, wondering what he was doing, if he missed her like she did him. But to save herself the hurt, Jenny quickly pushed all thoughts of Nate from her mind. She kept herself busy, e-mailing Eric-making him promise her not to mention Nate or Vanessa. She worked more on her designs, planning to spice up her school uniform with a 'new look'.

When Rufus and the limo dropped her off Monday night before curfew, Jenny cried, not wanting to leave. She'd begged Rufus to let her stay with him for the rest of the week, but he firmly told her 'no', saying she needed to be in school and that behind the curtains of a rock tour was no place for her to be. When Jenny arrived at her dorm, she hadn't even noticed how tired she was before entering her empty room. She placed the shopping bags with her new stuff inside on Agnes' old bed before curling up into her own.

When Jenny arrived at the Hartford Building it was now _8:25 a.m._ meaning she was really late, bound to have detention for said tardiness. With her late slip in hand, Jenny walked up the stairs to her class, knocking on the door softly. Mr. Copperfield spotted her through the small glass window, throwing his hands up in frustration. If there was one thing that man hated, it would be tardy students. He'd grilled Anthony Morison once for coming into class a mere two minutes late due to a traffic jam in the hallway just last week. He motioned for Jenny to come in. Hesitantly, she opened the door, reveling herself to the class. She could feel all eyes on her as she entered the class.

"Miss Humphrey, so nice of you to join us", Mr. Copperfield cheered, his voice dripping with sarcasm. He leaned against the podium behind him, scolding her with his eyes.

She'd never been later in all her academic career, always the first student in the classroom. Jenny swallowed, pushing the lump down in her throat before she spoke, "I, uh, overslept".

Mr. Copperfield crossed one foot over the other, placing his index finger on his chin, trying to figure out something. "Really? Because to me you look well rested. Fresh and bright…natural".

Jenny nervously ran a hand through her hair, looking down at the raven colored flats she'd shoved her feet, before saying the first answer that came to mind. "I, uh, didn't get a chance to put on my make-up".

Mr. Copperfield was about to respond to Jenny's answer, when something or someone else caught his attention. Throwing his hands up in the air, frustration all over his face, he exclaimed, "What is this come late to class day?".

"Mr. Copperfield, I am so sorry I'm late", the deep and all too familiar voice of Nate Archibald spoke from behind Jenny. Hearing his voice sent a chill down Jenny's spine and she cursed her body for responding to him that way. She could smell the aroma of his cologne, his hot sexy breath on the back of her neck. He was making her knees weak and he didn't even know it. Jenny didn't know what it was about Nate that made her react this way. Every time she tried to forget him she couldn't. It was like gravity, pulling her back to him.

"So, Mr. Archibald, what is your excuse?", Mr. Copperfield asked, standing up straight, locking his fingers together.

Nate sighed from behind Jenny, his hair a disarray on the top of his head. "My alarm clock didn't go off".

"That seems to be going around". Mr. Copperfield laughed, bringing his hand up to his face in a praying position. "How about the two of you have a seat and Mr. Archibald, you can join Miss Humphrey in detention after school with me".

Jenny could feel Nate's eyes on her as they took their seats next to each other in the back of the room. Jenny kept her head down the entire time, cursing the fact that she no longer had long hair to shield her face from him. The rest of the class period seemed to drag, despite Jenny missing the first half of the class. Mr. Copperfield preached about British authors that contributed to English Literature. Jenny half listened as he explained the work of _Richard Brinsley Sheridan_ and _William Godwin_, their writing styles and individual uniqueness that made them so great. When the bell ending class sounded, Jenny hopped from her seat, rushing out the door to her next class. The rest of the day was a haze that Jenny barely remembered. Everyone around her buzzed about the latest _Gossip Girl_ blast, some even sparing glances at her as she passed in them in the hallway. Jenny didn't pay too much attention to them because now that Agnes was gone, Jenny was back to being the new girl with the semi-bad hair cut and famous uncle. When lunch came, Jenny begged Eric to eat in the library with her, not wanting to sit through a lunch where Nate talked about his weekend _with_ Vanessa.

After school was done, Jenny walked slowly towards the North East part of campus, not in a hurry to be locked in a room with Mr. Copperfield and Nate. The sky was cloudy, a dusky gray littering the atmosphere. When Jenny entered Mr. Copperfield's classroom, he was sitting behind his desk reading an old book. Nate was sitting in the middle of the classroom, Chemistry book laid out in front of him as he took notes. Jenny took her seat quietly by the window, pulling out her sketch book and colored pencils.

Nate looked over at her, taking the time to look at Jenny. She was simple today in a plaid jumper mini dress, white button-down dress shirt underneath, and elegant flats. She was plain yet beautiful, no make-up on her face, her natural beauty shining through. She'd been gone a total of four days and Nate missed her every second of each of those days. He craved her, wanting to hear the sound of her voice, high-pitched laugh, and fragile body.

"I have to run across campus to a real quick meeting, so the two of you need to stay here and I'll be right back", Mr. Copperfield announced, the wooden chair scrapping against the hardwood floor as he stood, straitening his tie. He walked out the door, locking the two of them inside.

Jenny could feel heart beating faster, the audible _click_ of the lock pounding in her ears. She could feel him as he rose from his seat, the familiar scraping sound of wood against parquet, as Nate sat down beside her.

"Hey". She could feel the smile on his face, as he ran a hand through his tousled hair. Jenny could feel herself shaking, just thinking about the last time they were alone together, in a secluded place.

"Hi". Jenny picked up at him from behind her hair, pushing it from her face. She held on tightly to the saffron colored pencil in her hand.

"How was you trip?", he asked gently, making Jenny melt a bit. Looking into his sapphire eyes, Jenny then realized just how much she missed him. The bright smile on his face, the manly chuckle that was his laugh, and his lean muscular body. She also missed his voice, the way he would explain the lesson that she pretended not to understand.

Smiling softly, she said, "Fine".

"I saw your uncles concert on TV. He did really great".

Jenny nodded, remembering the concert from her point-of-view, "Do you want to see pictures?".

Nate smiled, nodding his head. It should have been weird between them, but it wasn't, surprising the both of them. Jenny pulled the pink digital camera from her bag, flipping through the various pictures for Nate to see. They both watched, the images flashing from Jenny herself, to Bex, to Rufus, group shots of the band, sound equipment guys and many more. There was one picture in particular that caught Nate's eye. It was Jenny, her hair curled around her elegant face, a headband perched on top. She was on the stage, the soundmen setting up behind her, as she sat on one of the speakers. She was wearing jeans and a green tank top. The photographic Jenny was staring off into space, unaware of the fact that someone was taking a picture of her, unaware of the beauty she possessed.

"You look amazing there", Nate complemented, turning to look at her.

They stared at each other, eyes connected in passion. It amazed them both how they always seemed to drift back to one another so easily after an argument. _It was an astronomy gravitational force of Earth: the attraction due to gravitation that the Earth or another celestial body exerts on an object on or near its surface_; it was gravity. Pulling them together after four days of separation. Nate inhaled softly, taking in the scent that he missed over the course of four days. She smelled of her usual scent of fuchsia and primrose. It was intoxicating, pulling him closer to her. Their lips were inches apart, when Nate connected them, kissing her with force.

It took a minute for Jenny to fully understand what was going on, before she pulled away roughly, rising from her chair, back flat against the window. "What are you doing? You have a girlfriend".

Nate moved closer to her, pulling the chairs away as he did. He leaned towards her, putting both hands on the window on either side of Jenny, boxing her in. "Not anymore".

She couldn't breath, she couldn't think, she couldn't see. All that surrounded her was Nate. He was taking over her senses claiming them as his own. He was everywhere. In her mind, in her sight, on her lips, taking her breath away. "What are you talking about?".

Nate reached down, capturing his phone from his pocket, placing it in her hand. The screen displayed the Gossip Girl blast from the day Agnes left. There were pictures of her and Agnes saying goodbye, but at the end of the post was a video that Nate saved to his phone. Pressing the 'play' button, Jenny braced herself for what Nate was about to show her. Jenny stared in disbelief, the video displaying a very public breakup between him and Vanessa. They were both screaming at each other, ending with Nate telling Vanessa it was over, no hint of remorse. Vanessa was screaming at Nate to reconsider, asking him if there was someone else. Nate's response stunned Jenny, and audible 'yes' escaping from his lips. Jenny's face ran hot as the video ended, clutching Nate's phone in her hand.

She looked up at him, a huge grin on his face. Jenny didn't know what to say, her words were tied together, crying for her to break them free. Nate took the opportunity to lean forward, connecting their mouths again. He gripped at her waist, pulling her further to him by the fabric of her dress. She felt so good in his arms, that Nate wanted to throw her down on the table and ravish her, fulfilling a fantasy he'd always had about her. Jenny responded to the kiss, sucking and biting his lower lip, her hand clutching the front of his shirt. They both pulled away, the need for air becoming a must. Foreheads resting together, they stared into one another's eyes.

Nate moved his mouth to hers, but Jenny stopped him, turning her head to the side. "What?".

Jenny looked away from him, trying to find the words. Nate put a hand under her chin, gently pulling her face to meet his eyes. "I…uh…you…don't".

He saw the moisture in her eyes, knowing where the situation was headed. "Jenny, I like you a lot, but why do I have to love you right now?".

She stayed quiet, closing her eyes, a tear falling down her cheek. "I want to get to know you, Jenny".

Jenny rushed a hand through her hair, not knowing what to say or feel. She liked Nate a lot, convincing herself that she was in love with him, but that was it. Never did Jenny let herself think about the possibility of Nate liking her back. Panic rushed though her, thinking about what would happen if the truth ever came out. If Nate found out about her past, the cutting, the abuse, the depression, her parents, all things that made up her past. What if Nate found out? What if the result would be him changing his feelings for her, taking back his words? What if the entire school found out, branding her once again a cutter. She couldn't have it. She couldn't have Nate change his mind, give her something great then take it away. It would kill her, no doubt sending her into an even greater depression than before

* * *

**A/N:** Did you like it?? Did you? Did you? I'm working on the next chapter right now, so it should be posted next Monday, after I send it to Jenna (my beta) and she looks over it and makes all the corrections. I am so excited for you all to read the rest of the story which is already planned out. Ok, so review good or bad and tell all your friends about this story so that I can get more reviews. Oh, and be on the look out for the Somebody Save Jennifer story trailer.

xoxo, Alex


	9. Nine: The Lover In Me

**A/N: **Hiiiii. Thank you all so much for the WONDERFUL reviews/feedback that you all left me last chapter. I am so glad that you all are loving the story this much, and it means the world to me, so thank you very, very much.

Thanks so much to my beta Jenna (**_chngingx3lanes **at LiveJournal) You are an awesome person and you helped me so much.

xoxo, Alex

* * *

**Chapter Nine - The Lover In Me**

_Too long I've been  
Denying myself  
Hostage to thoughts I'm somebody else  
And all the while you  
Have been wishing to  
Love on me_

_Mixed feelings and misgivings  
That's all a memory now baby  
When you saw me  
For what I could be  
Then I finally saw the same_

_Now the lover in me  
Sees the lover in you  
And I'm happy to say that I'm so not afraid_

"What to wear? What to wear?", Jenny asked the five different outfit choices scattered across Agnes' former bed. The room hadn't been the same since Agnes left, and Jenny made it her job to fill the bed up with clothes, making it her second closet, in order to hide the truth of Agnes never returning to school. The moment Agnes left, and Jenny returned to their room, it felt empty, small even. Like the walls were caving in, suffocating. She use to love the loneliness, the silence, but nowadays it was a never ending war between the three. Some days she wanted it, some days she hated it. Jenny didn't sleep in the dorm that night. She called her Uncle Rufus, begging him to come and rescue her, and he did. The first night Jenny spent in the dorm, she was so tired she didn't think about her friends absence. The second night was hard, Jenny tossing and turning all night, until she told herself that Agnes was just out for the night and would be off to school before her. It worked. And it worked all the other nights after that.

Today was a big day, and she wanted to look her best. Which was code for Jenny wanted to look smoking hot for Nate, making his jaw drop to the floor. It was becoming a daily routine for Jenny, she would take just a little bit longer to get ready than the day before, all just to look her best for Nate. And everyday he would tell her she looked more beautiful than the day before, and Jenny loved that, she reveled in the love he had for her.

Deciding on the perfect outfit, Jenny grabbed what she could, burying herself in the bathroom. When she was done dressing, Jenny studied herself in the mirror. She was wearing a plaid mini dress, white button-down shirt, small tie, and purple tights. Just as she was leaving the bathroom, there was a small knock on the door. Smiling to herself, Jenny guessed who it could be.

"Good morning", he smiled, his blue eyes shining in the dimly lit hallway outside. Nate was dressed in his school uniform, white paper bag in hand. "I brought you breakfast".

Jenny accepted the bag from his hand, kissing the bottom of his chin. "My hero. I am starving". She laughed, sitting down on the bed.

Nate closed the door, shaking his head at the mess of clothes on the other bed. "What's with all the clothes?".

Swallowing the mass of blueberry muffin she'd ate, Jenny answered, "I was trying to find the perfect outfit to wear".

He smirked, sitting next to her on the bed, leaning closer. "Trying to impress someone?".

Jenny smiled, feeding a piece of her blueberry muffin to him. "Yes, I am. He's tall, has these gorgeous blue eyes and I think his name is Nate". She shrugged nonchalantly, gazing at him.

Nate smiled, capturing her lips with his, the taste of blueberry and cake mixing with her normal taste. "That Nate is one lucky guy because you look amazing".

"I'll be sure to tell him that" she winked, finishing off the rest of the muffin. It amazed Jenny at how carefree she was around Nate. She'd never been this way with anyone, always holding back, not giving too much away, but with Nate it was impossible. She let the lover in her take over, accepting Nate fully into her life.

The clock showed, 7:35 a.m. The usual time Jenny headed out the door to meet with Eric in the quad near the Hartford Building. Gathering the rest of her breakfast, Jenny made quick timing of completing the rest of her outfit. Which included of a knitted plaid-green hat, gray jacket, black flats, bracelets, and school bag.

"I'll see you in Copperfield's class", Nate kissed Jenny goodbye, throwing his school bag over his right shoulder.

"See you in Copperfield", Jenny agreed before walking out the door. Nate waited in Jenny's room for ten minutes before exiting, completing the routine they practiced (and perfected) every morning that week.

No one knew about Nate and Jenny's "relationship", the news not hitting Gossip Girl yet and their great ability at hiding it. Jenny herself didn't know what it was she had with Nate. They definitely weren't friends and they couldn't be dating because they hadn't even gone on their first date yet. They were just two people that really liked each other, nothing yet defined. Besides, before anything was official, Jenny wanted to tell Dan and Rufus, making sure they agreed with her decision. The thought of being Nate's girlfriend both thrilled and scared Jenny. She wanted to be close to him, have Nate love her just as much as she did him. She wanted them to kiss in public, hold hands, and go on dates. But the thing that scared Jenny the most was having him know her past. People would always tell her that a relationship was based on honesty and trust, even learning the same thing during her sessions in group therapy. But Jenny couldn't have Nate find out about her past, she couldn't have him look at her the way others did when they knew about what she'd been through, like she was a fragile doll that would break at the slightest movement.

They'd been "together" for a week now, keeping it all a secret. They would spend every morning together, eating breakfast in Jenny's room, until the scheduled time for them to depart. They would hold hands under the table in Copperfield's class, smiling stupidly at each other. Sure it was sort of Elementary school, but Jenny loved it. The feeling of his hands intertwined with hers, even if no one could see. Jenny would spend her lunch break with Eric, eating under their usual spot by the tree, and giving half her night to Nate. They'd talk and kiss in her dorm until curfew. Nate would always joke, saying the two of them were like a modern day Romeo & Juliet. Jenny would always laugh and agree with him.

"Hey, Jenny, why don't you and Eric sit with us today", Serena invited, as she was exiting the cafeteria. Jenny agreed, telling Eric their change of plans. He seemed happy to eat lunch with his sister for a change. Jenny was more than happy to agree, the thought of eating lunch with Nate increasing her heart rate.

Jenny and Eric sat down at Serena's table, Dan and Nate were there as well, talking sports and school. When Nate saw her, he smiled, and Jenny took the seat next to him.

"You never told me about your trip. How was it?", Serena asked, genuinely interested.

"It was fun!", Jenny smiled, remembering the good times she had with her uncle. "The shows were amazing. I'd seen my uncle play before, but I've never seen the crowd react to him the way they did. It was magical".

Serena smiled, capturing her long blonde hair into a low ponytail. It surprised Jenny to know that Dan was dating a girl like Serena, a total beauty with a past. He would usually dated brainy girls. Serena was a smart girl that could hold her own in a heated debate, but she wasn't really Dan's type, or so Jenny thought. Nothing about Dan had been the same to Jenny ever since he'd went away to school his sophomore year. He was like a new person. It sacred Jenny at first but she learned to live with it, just like all the other changes that were made in her life at the time.

"He is really amazing", Serena admitted, growing up a fan of Rufus Humphrey's music. Her mother would play it all the time, she and Eric dancing to it in their rooms. "You wanna know what my favorite song from him is?".

Tucking a clump of curls behind her ear, Jenny nodded. "Sure".

"It's a tie between 'Love You Forever' and 'Blue Eyed Girl'. Those are like his most powerful songs", Serena gushed, clapping her hands together.

Jenny shared a glance with Dan, the mention of 'Blue Eyed Girl' increasing her heart rate. She was never ashamed of the fact there was a song written for her, but the thought of Serena and Nate knowing scared her. The song was about her life: abuse, cutting, depression, and feeling lost in a sea of people.

"That's my favorite song, too", Nate agreed, grazing Jenny's hand with his. "I played 'Blue Eyed Girl' forever in my ipod when he released it".

"Me, too!", Serena squealed, almost jumping out of her seat.

"The song is just too real, which I think is the best part of it all", Eric piped in.

In the mist of all the gushing between Nate, Serena, and Eric, Jenny was freaking out! Her hands were clammy, eyes hurting, mouth branded with the taste of pennies, veins twitching, face hot. She could feel Dan's eyes on her, monitoring her reactions, getting ready for her to snap. Of course he knew the song was about Jenny but never said a word and whenever Rufus was asked about the song in the press, where his inspiration came from, he would reply, saying, "Brooklyn". The song connected them: Dan, Rufus, Jenny, and her parents. It was their world, an unspoken truth, never sung, never played, and never discussed. It didn't occurred to them what the outside world would think, how they would react, or even if they would understand. To them it was a song, sung by an amazing talent. A number one hit, bound to sell millions of dollars, Grammy nominations, and a sold out concert tour. To Jenny and the Humphrey family it was a life, one they lived and witnessed. It was a curse, a problem, a sad thing to talk about.

"Jenny…Jenny, are you ok?". She could hear Eric's voice, snapping her from the cold thoughts in her cognizance, the color returning to her flesh. "You looked a little green".

She sighed deeply, gaining her calmness back. "Just had a thought". Nate looked at her concerned, she winked at him, the smile. The gesture going unnoticed to everyone around except Eric.

"Do you want to know what my favorite part of that song is?", Serena asked to no one in particular. She thought to herself, getting the lyrics just right. "The line went, _'my blue eyed girl gone tell the world your problem now, don't be scared, I'll save you from this hell_".

Jenny smiled to herself, remembering the ballad in her head. No matter how many times she'd heard the song, that line was the one that stuck out the most, engraved in her memory forever. It was Rufus that found her that night, helping her to become better, and giving her the greatest opportunity she could ask for. He was her father now, the one she wished she'd always had. He told the world that he'd save, protect, and provide for her.

The bell sounded, ending the lunch period. They said there goodbyes, Jenny rushing away from the group, but was stopped short, when Eric grabbed her arm.

"I thought you were quote, through with Nate, end quote". Eric pointed out, causing a blush to heat up Jenny's face. "I saw the wink and I know you know that he and Vanessa broke up and why".

Tucking a clump of blonde curls behind her left ear, Jenny thought back to entire week she'd spent with Nate. "What if I told you that Nate and I weren't through with each other just yet".

"I should have known, just do me a favor and be careful", Eric said.

Jenny laughed, smacking Eric on the arm. "Nate is the nicest most sweetest guy ever. Why should I be afraid of him?".

His face was serious this time, more serious than Jenny had ever seen him in all the time she'd ever known him. "You should be careful of his ex".

Eric was right! Of course Vanessa would be bitter after the breakup, considering he'd broken up with her over some other girl, and that other girl was her. Jenny sighed deeply, thinking of the massive criticism and speculation that was going to come with her and Nate's new relationship. What if Vanessa showed up again? What if Vanessa wanted answers, demanding who was the reason for her breakup with her first and only true love? Jenny could feel the taste of pennies in her mouth, hands clammy, face, hot, and eyes watering. Her heart was beating loudly in her ears, causing her to be on the bridge of passing out.

First bell rung, signaling the beginning of class, the last of the day. "I should get to class".

"I should go, too. Mrs. Pepper goes crazy when someone's late to her class", Eric said, pulling the strap of his messenger bag further on his shoulder. He walked away, one last concerned glance at his friend.

Jenny walked slowly towards the Barnaby Building, trying to prolong the day. The last thing Jenny wanted was to go back to her dorm room alone, the silence swallowing her whole. Her room just wasn't the same without Agnes. Looking around, Jenny saw there were a few stragglers outside the building, posting on walls, making out, and sneaking smokes behind the buildings. Putting her head back down, Jenny counted the bushes and flower patches surrounding the school as she walked. So far, she'd counted thirty-seven bushes and fifty-five that were flower patches. She was so busy counting, Jenny was completely caught off guard when a strong figure, grabbed her into the dark confinements of an empty bathroom outside, letting out a high-pitched squeal. She was cut off immediately by the warmth of someone's mouth. If the kiss weren't so familiar, Jenny would have pushed the anonymous person away from her with a slap to the face. She smiled against his lips, circling her arms and legs around him as she felt herself being lifted and placed on top of sink counter.

The final bell rung, signaling the both of them as being late to class. "You make it really hard for a girl to wanna go to English class".

"Really?…", Nate smiled, pulling Jenny closer to him. She relaxed against him, loving the feeling of his body pressed against hers. Jenny had never been with a guy this way before, feeling this strongly. She'd had crushes at her old school, those not going far, or only ending with the guy wanting to just have sex with her and be threw. "How about we ditch and go back to the dorms?".

"What?", Jenny laughed, convinced that he was joking, because there was no way she was going to be able to cut class and he knew that. "You're kidding, right". Nate shook his head, guiding her towards the door.

Jenny tried to stop him, but he was too strong, basically carrying her out the bathroom. "I can't skip class, Nate".

He laughed, opening the door for them to exit. "Give me one reason why you can't?".

"Uh, because Dan will kill me". She pointed out, knowing Dan would find some way of knowing she'd skip class. And if he knew she was with Nate that would send him into an overprotective spiral.

Nate kissed her, sending Jenny into the happy place she always found when Nate's lips were on hers. "Dan will never know".

Thirty minutes, close to an hour later, Nate and Jenny were tangled up in his bed, sharing a pack of sour Skittles, kissing one another in between, adding to the sugary sweetness. Nate smiled, popping another round candy in his mouth, then kissing Jenny, her tongue moving with his. He loved the feeling of her mouth against his, reveling in the feel of her body tangled with his, her sweet scent flooding his nose, making him want her even more. Jenny was unlike most girls he'd dated, especially Vanessa. With Jenny it was easy to be himself, laugh, and make corny jokes. She also provoked feeling within him that he hadn't even known existed. He thought about her all the time, missing her even for just a few seconds. He had to touch her, feel her soft skin underneath his finger tips. She was additive to him, unable to stay away.

"These are really good", Jenny smiled against his mouth before pulling away, popping another candy in her mouth. They weren't as good as Nate's kissed, but they came very close.

Nate kissed down her neck, earning a soft moan from Jenny. He took the bag of Skittles form her, feeding them into her open mouth. Nate groaned, when she sucked the tip of his finger into her mouth. He placed the bag on the table next to his bed, bending down to capture her lips with his again. Jenny moaned into his mouth, feeling him rub soft circles against her stomach. She arched into his touch, wanting him to feel more of her. With Nate, Jenny never wanted to be careful. She wanted him so bad, his body making hers react in ways it never had before. He was intoxicating, the smell of him, his voice, his hands, and his oh so wonderful touch.

Nate pulled away, taking in much needed oxygen. He kissed the top of her head, watching as Jenny intertwined their fingers. "I was thinking that maybe we should go out this weekend".

Looking up into his eyes, Jenny hesitated. She wanted to badly to say yes, but there was something inside of her that made her keep quiet. Maybe it was the thought of Dan becoming angry with her or the entire school finding out. "Um, I don't really think that's a good idea".

He sighed, running a hand though his hair, and rolling onto his back, untangling himself from Jenny. "Why not, because of Dan?".

Nate could sense that Jenny was scared He had no idea what it was for sure, but his first guess would be because of Dan. He would no doubt freak out if he found out about them, just being the overprotective person he was when it came to Jenny. Maybe it was because Nate didn't have a younger sibling or because Blair was naturally tough, but he didn't understand Dan's reason for being so overprotective of Jenny. It was true that bad things happened to good people, but whenever Dan would speak of Jenny it was as if he was protecting her from something in her past, the two of them always arguing, Jenny countering with how well she was doing since before attending St. Jude's & Constance Billard. Nate never question them, it not his place, but now that he and Jenny were "seeing" each other, Nate was a little curious about her life before him.

Jenny wrapped her arms around him, kissing the place below his ear. "It's just that I have to tell him first that I like you".

Nate sighed, running a hand over his face. "Why? You're a big girl".

"I know...", Jenny sighed, tucking strands of hair behind her ears. "...it's just that Dan is my cousin, mostly like my brother, and he has the right to know".

"I agree", Nate established. "...but in the end, the choice is made by you, not him, and whatever you decided is fine by me".

Jenny's hear melted. How could someone so sweet and well put together be with a messed up girl like her. "You are beyond sweet".

She kissed him, their mouths moving in perfect synch. Jenny let herself go, melting into his touch and kisses. They were so lost in one another, they didn't hear the lock becoming undone, and Dan returning from the library before scheduled time.

"You have got to be kidding me".


	10. Ten: Teenage Love Affair

**A/N: **Hiiiii. Thank you all so much for the WONDERFUL reviews/feedback that you all left me last chapter. I am so glad that you all are loving the story this much, and it means the world to me, so thank you very, very much. I just wanted to let the fans of my other story Confessions know that I will be finishing that story just not at the moment, because as of now, I will be focusing all my energy into this story which will be over soon, it being planned out that way.

Thanks so much to my beta Jenna (**_chngingx3lanes **at LiveJournal) You are an awesome person and you helped me so much.

xoxo, Alex

* * *

**Chapter Ten - Teenage Love Affair**

_Can't wait to get home  
Baby dial your number  
Can you pick up the phone  
Cause I wanna holla_

_Daydreaming about you all day in school can't concentrate  
Wanna have your voice in my ear till mama come and say it's too late  
Cause the lights are on outside  
Wish there was somewhere to hide  
Cause I just don't want to say goodbye_

_Cause you are my baby baby  
Nothing really matters  
I don't really care what nobody tell me  
I'm gonna be here  
It's a matter of extreme importance  
My first teenage love affair_

Plan A. Today's outfit was modeled after innocence. It would show Dan that she was just a young girl, venturing into the world of boys and makeup, which is why Jenny left out make up, sexy shoes, and bracelets. She needed Dan to forgive her, return her calls, and look at her whenever they passed each other in the hallway. Two days went by since he'd walked in on her and Nate in a heated make out session. Jenny tried to run after him, get him to listen to her, but he simply refused, leaving her standing in the dark. Never had Dan been this mad at her. Whenever she did something stupid he would forgive her, things going back to normal. But this time was different. This time, he wasn't forgiving her so easily. He was making her beg, send him cookies, and apologize a thousand times. Nothing worked. He'd even went so far as to temporarily moving out of the dorm he shared with Nate, returning in the morning to retrieve his clothes.

Bag full of breakfast, tray full of coffee, and innocent clothes, Jenny marched over to Dan's dorm, demanding that he forgive her, after buttering him up with gifts of course. Jenny hesitantly knocked on the door, waiting for Dan or Nate to answer. She was happy when Dan answered, but her face dropped when he slammed the door in her face.

"Dan!", Jenny shouted through the door, her mouth open wide with shock. Plan B. "I brought breakfast!". She held up the bag and smiled.

Dan opened the door, looking her up and down. "For me or your boyfriend?".

"You", Jenny smiled, holding the bags out to him. Dan snatched the bags from her, then slammed the door again. Plan C. If all else fails beg.

"Dan!", she screamed, repeating his name and banging on the door as hard as she could, palms red from the impact. Finally someone threw her bone, the door opening to reveal Nate. Sending him a small smile, Jenny rushed passed him, towards Dan.

"I can't believe you slammed the door in my face. Twice!", Jenny asserted, hands on her hips.

Dan seemed unfazed by her raise of voice. "I can't believe you've been dating my room mate without telling me".

Plan D. She tried to be nice and beg for his forgiveness but he was acting like a complete selfish spoiled brat, and she was not going to stand for it any longer. Jenny turned to Nate, her voice emotionless. "Nate, can you give me and Dan some privacy?".

He nodded, rushing out the door. She turned back to her cousin, arms folded. "This isn't fair to me, Dan, and you know it".

Dan scoffed, walking towards the dresser and retrieving his watch. "Fair to you? What about me? You're the one that betrayed me".

"Oh, God, cut the crap, Dan!", Jenny bellowed, fist clinched at her waist. It took all the strength she had not to hit him in that moment. "You and I both know that this isn't about who I was with. It's about the fact that I didn't tell you, so don't pretend to be hurt by the fact that I like Nate and he likes me".

"You damn right I'm mad you didn't tell me!", Dan screamed back, throwing the watch in his hand down on the floor. He sat roughly on the bed, running a hand though his hair, face buried in his palms. "You promised me that you'd tell me everything, but you don't. Instead you talk to everyone but me".

Jenny bent down in front of Dan, her hand on his shoulder. She loved Dan. He was like her bother, the one that looked out for her always, and he wanted to be there for her. The thought of having Dan inside her head, knowing her every thought scared Jenny. She knew he wouldn't be able to handle it; he knew it, too.

"I was going to tell you", she confessed to the blue carpet below her. Dan looked up at her, his eyes stained red. "It just gets hard for me to tell you things".

"I'm just scared for you, Jenny, I really am", Dan acknowledged, wiping the tears from his eyes. He'd kept most of his emotion bottled up when it came to Jenny, wanting her to see him as a strong person she could talk to, but it got hard sometimes. "Nate's a good guy".

"He is". Jenny smiled, tucking a strand of hair behind one ear. "...and he wants us to go on a date this weekend".

"I'm sure the two of you will have fun", Dan agreed, letting Jenny know he was no longer mad at her. "Just promise me something, Jenny".

She nodded, letting the strands of hair fall from behind her ears. "Sure".

"Don't keep in the dark about your past".

Sitting back on her bottom, Jenny sighed, toying with the bracelets covering her wrist. "Dan, don't make me promise that".

"Jenny, I'm doing this for your sake, not mine".

"How is this for my sake?", Jenny asked incredulously, her voice raising higher.

He sighed, scratching the back on his neck. "I'm not saying you have to tell him now, but if you ever feel yourself falling in love with him, you should tell Nate".

"I don't want him to look at me differently", she admitted silently, her voice low and sad, head bent.

"He's not going to look at you in a different light", Dan tried to convince.

Jenny shook her head, looking up at Dan. "You don't look at me the same as you did before".

She was right. Ever since he'd found out about Jenny's secret, he looked at her different, treated her like someone else. He was careful around her, watching his words, his actions, his movement. "Nate is different than me".

Jenny smiled, thinking of the boy she liked. She leaned forward, kissing Dan softly on the cheek before embracing him into a tight hug. There was a knock on the door, bringing the cousin's back to reality.

Looking at the clock, Jenny sighed. "We're late and you and Nate aren't even dressed".

Dan stood from the bed, helping Jenny off the floor, before opening the door for Nate. "We're late".

"Nate, I'm sorry about everything", Dan apologized, holding his hand out to Nate.

He shook it, smiling over at Jenny. "It's cool".

Dan grabbed his jacket off the back of the door, before exiting the room. "Oh, and have fun on your date".

Jenny squealed, leaping into Nate's awaiting arms. "I am so excited!".

Nate kissed her, shutting the door with his foot. He carried her over to his bed dropping her on top of it. "Maybe we could be just a little bit late to Copperfield."

She was happy. For the first time in her life, Jenny Humphrey could say she was truly happy. It amazed Jenny how much could change over the course of a few days, but it had and she was thankful for it. This coming Saturday night, she and Nate were officially becoming boyfriend and girlfriend, sending Jenny into an over excited coma. It would be Jenny's first date ever, and Serena along with Blair volunteered to help her get ready for it. They would take her to the best salon in New York, buy her new clothes, and coach her on all the things she should say or do. Jenny was grateful for the girls help, never having sisters. They knew so much about boys and relationships, telling Jenny everything they knew, and she soaked it in, engraving it into her brain.

Nate was keeping everything under wraps about their date, saying it was a surprise. He was being so sweet to her lately, telling her she looked beautiful everywhere he would see her. He kissed her so gently, their passion for one another growing everyday. They talked with each other, sharing likes and dislikes on movies and music. For once in her life, Jenny let nature take its course, living for the moment, rather the rest of her life. She became carefree, letting the lover inside her heart become who she was.

But there was something else on her mind. "Don't keep in the dark about your past". Dan's words invaded Jenny's head, forcing her to consider this option. She wanted to tell Nate about her past, wanted him to know where she came from and how she used to live, but every time she though about telling him, her stomach would hurt, a lump rising in her throat. Jenny would hear it all the time in group therapy. You needed to be honest with someone in order to form a relationship. You needed them to know your past and you there's. The thought of Nate having a past made Jenny laugh. He was too perfect to have lived a hard life. Which was why the thought of telling him about hers made Jenny want to throw up. He was perfect and she wasn't. Her flaws were fatal, extreme to some points. If Nate found out that she wasn't perfect, he wouldn't want to be with her anymore, if he knew the thoughts than ran through her head, the depression she once felt, he would breakup with her, he would leave her for someone better. He might even get mad, carrying on the abuse of her father. She would turn into her mother hiding the bruises and drinking away the pain.

_**No!**_

That wouldn't happen to her and Nate because he was a good guy. He would love her no matter what, she was sure of it. He would support her, tell her things were going to be alright and she was safe. Nate would hold her until she stopped crying, telling him the brutal truth. He was perfect that way. But if Nate was so perfect then why was she having these thoughts? Why was she so conflicted between the sweet and kind Nate she knew and the possible dark, angry, bitter Nate? Jenny didn't want to have these thoughts. She wanted them all to go away. She wanted them gone from her head, vanishing into the air. These thoughts were poisonous, seeping out her entire world.

Jenny looked at herself in the mirror, the dress Blair picked out for her to wear on her date tonight with Nate. It was navy blue, scattered with pink poke-a-dots, and glitter. Pink silk wrapped around the waist, tying a bow in the back. The straps were thin, the dress stopping just above the knee. On her feet, were light pink heels, two black straps across the foot, blue clutch purse in hand, completing the look with a navy blue headband onto of the mass of curls in her head. Blair said the headband would bring her good luck. Something about Chuck and their 'I love you'. Jenny was only half listening to her at that point. She was too busy worrying about Nate would think of her once he saw her all dressed up and simple. She sinned on heels, giggling to herself. She was excited for tonight, a momentous occasion in her life.

When the thumping from the other side of the door sounded, Jenny's hear began to beat from her chest. She was nervous, her hands shaking and palms sweating. Grabbing the clutch from her dressed, Jenny opened the door, revealing herself to Nate.

"Hi". Jenny smiled nervously. Nate was wearing a black Armani suit multi colored blue pinstriped shirt and gray tie.

"Hey". He leaned forward, kissing her softly. "You look amazing".

"Thank you". The smile on her face refused to disappear. "You look good, too".

Nate smoothed down the front of his jacket. "Chuck told me my usual clothes weren't going to do the trick".

Jenny laughed, silently thanking Nate's best friend. "Well, he was right, because you look perfect".

He shook his head, presenting the flowers he was holding behind his back to her. "No, you look perfect".

She was in awe of him, the flowers he held in his hand her favorites. "How did you know?".

Nate smiled, the laughed, "You told me, silly".

Jenny laughed to herself, accepting the flowers. "Thank you". She placed the flowers on the bed, before accepting Nate's out stretched hand, and shutting the door behind her.

The rest of the night went on perfectly, just as Jenny imagined. Nate rented a limo for the evening, the two driving into the city. Instead for going to a fancy restaurant like Jenny expected, Nate took her to Central Park where there was a small white table under a tree, covered with twinkling lights. There was one waiter, serving them the entire night. The dinner was good, all of Jenny's favorite dishes served. He wanted her to be comfortable, enjoy herself, knowing it was her first date ever. Jenny smiled at the fact of Nate going through so much for her, liking him more than she did before. Jenny was so nervous she barely spoke, her mouth shut tight, words slipping ever so often. Nate found her nerves adorable, telling her so, and every time she would blush furiously.

After dinner, Nate and Jenny walked through Central Park, hands intertwined, talking about random things. In that moment Jenny was so peaceful and content, never wanting the moment to end. She wanted to stay there for ever with Nate, all her problems dematerializing into the twilight.

Jenny shivered against the wind, holding onto Nate. "Are you cold?", he asked taking off his jacket.

She smiled, snuggling into its warmth. "Thank you".

Nate wrapped his arms around her, kissing the top of her head. "You having fun?".

She kissed the side of his chin. "This night is perfect". And it was. This night for Jenny was perfect, the best of her entire life. She was happy, and it was all because of the joy Nate brought. He was her everything now, the one person she could count on to be there.

Nate pulled her towards the stone bridge, the two of them staring out into the night. "When I was a kid, my dad I would come here every morning and run".

Jenny laughed saying, "Everybody runs here".

"I know, but there was just something about running with my dad", Nate reminisced, holding Jenny tighter to him. "I loved coming out here with him".

"Is your dad married to Blair's mom?", Jenny asked, leaning into him.

He kissed the side of her head. "Yeah, but they might be divorced soon".

Her mouth fell open, looking over her shoulder at him. "Why?".

"He's been in a rehabilitation center since the beginning of the school year". Nate shrugged, then kissed her lips. "That's why my mom divorced him".

Jenny stiffened in his arms, and Nate could feel it. He kissed the side of her neck, trying to ease the tension. "Why'd you tell me that?".

He turned her around to face him, hands holding her face. "Because I didn't want there to be any secrets between us".

Her face changed colors and Jenny was thankful for the dark night surrounding them. In the soft moonlight she could see his face, so warm and inviting. He wanted to know everything about her past. He'd just told her about his dad, his past.

"My parents went away", Jenny half-lied. Her father was in jail and she was told her mother relocated to a shelter for recovering abused woman.

"Are they traveling the world?", Nate asked, interested.

"Something like that", she stated softly.

**Spotted:** _Upper East Side hottie, Nate Archibald showing the world the real reason he and Vanessa called it quits. We all knew that it was because of a girl, but who was she? We all asked ourselves, and you know what? Tonight our questions have been answered. The lucky girl is non other than, drum roll please, Miss Little Jenny Bad Hair Cut Humphrey. I know, I know, I'm totally shocked as well. But pictures don't lie. The couple was spotted in Central park having a very romantic dinner, followed by a walk on the bridge for some late night chatter. I can only imagine what that conversation was like. I must say that Miss J was looking fabulous in her ensemble and Nate was looking very yummy himself. The night ended with Nate walking Jenny back to her dorm. I'm guessing they shared a goodnight kiss. Now Isn't this a couple we could all cheer for? But what about Nate's ex? Would she have something to say. Stay tuned faithful reader, this story seems like its about to get drama filled, until next time._

xoxo, Gossip Girl


	11. Eleven: Bittersweet World

**A/N: **Hiiiii. Thank you all so much for the WONDERFUL reviews/feedback that you all left me last chapter. I would have updated sooner but my computer was out of whack and it needed to be fixed, also, it was by birthday on Tuesday and I am now 17 yrs old!

I am so glad that you all are loving the story this much, and it means the world to me, so thank you very, very much. This chapter is really long, close to six thousand words actually. I hope that's alright. It's mostly in the paragraphs, a lot of things needing to be explained. Comment good or bad, just let me know what you think!

Thanks so much to my beta Jenna {**_chngingx3lanes** at LiveJournal} She actually beta'd this chapter twice so that I could get the chapter just right. So thank you so much to her, because she is like the best beta ever!_  
_

xoxo, Alex

* * *

**Chapter Eleven - Bitter Sweet World**

_Tragic.  
Everybody trying to hide  
All of those girls Habits its  
Kinda bizarre when it's who you are  
It's tragic that it's come to this  
I bury all of my vices  
Trying to keep my head up over it  
When everything's whatever  
It's the be all end all_

_And right before we fade away  
Call a spade a spade  
And You should know You can tell_

_It's a Bittersweet world  
Why can't we all just get along  
In this Bittersweet world  
Everybody's reaping what they sow  
In this Sweet World_

It was two weeks into December when Jenny decided she was going to tell Nate about her past life. The decision wasn't easy, her brain constantly making up worst case scenarios. Things that included Nate telling her she was a horrible person, that he couldn't be with her because of things she used to do before they met, him turning into her father and she her mother. But after a while, Jenny told her mind to shut up, letting her heart speak up for once. The heart told her that Nate would like her no matter what happened, he would help her just like he'd been doing all this time. The heart helped Jenny see she was in love with Nate, truly and unconditionally. She loved him for so many reasons besides the obvious one. She loved him because of his taste in music, the way they would disagree when it came to classic movies. Nate would always laugh so breathlessly, having her to think he was on the verge of passing out. She loved the way he dress in simple clothing, his style like so many other, but in a way of his own. She loved the way he held her, so tight, but loose. She loved his kisses, the soft of his lips caressing her, sparks flying high like fireworks on the fourth of July.

And Dan was right. Once Jenny realized her true feeling for Nate, she knew the right thing to do was to tell him everything, baring her soul. He needed to know where she came from, already knowing so much about his family and the life he lived before the two of them met. Nate shared so much with her and it felt selfish not to tell him something about her, let him get to know her better.

Jenny started to feel this way about him since Thanksgiving when he accompanied her home to spend the holiday with Rufus, Bex, and Dan. His father and stepmother, Eleanor, were heading to Milan for the holiday for a fashion show, while Blair accompanied her father and his boyfriend in Paris. Nate was happy to go with Jenny, not wanting to spend the time apart.

Ever since their first date, Nate and Jenny became inseparable. They spent all their time together, getting to know each other more, experiencing new things together. Of course they both spent time with their friends, but missed each other terribly when they were apart. They were experiencing feelings they never had before. Jenny was happy and it was all because of Nate. He was everything to her now, the only one she could ever truly be herself with. He saw her for who she was and not the past life she lived, although that was about to change very soon once she confessed to him everything. The time for her to confess would be the annual Snow Flake Alumni Ball, a party before the holidays hosted by one lucky New York private school and this year St. Jude's & Constance Billard were the lucky winners to host the festivities.

The Snow Flake Alumni Ball was an event dedicated to the present and past attendees of the most elite private schools in New York City. It was held every year before the Christmas holiday when students were released for the winter break. Everyone was getting ready, the news of who was accompanying who spreading all over the pages of Gossip Girl. Every girl in the Upper East Side was going crazy to find the perfect dress, most already putting theirs on hold at _Bendel_ or having them custom made by famous designers. Jenny was doing none of that. Bex begged her to let the two of them shop for her dress, but because this ball was special to her, Jenny decided to design her own dress, something original. The idea came from Serena during the Thanksgiving holiday.

It was late in the afternoon and Jenny was sitting on the window seat of her room in Rufus' loft reading a book when Serena knocked softly on her bedroom door. "Hi, Jenny".

She smiled, placing the book face down in the spot next to her. Jenny was shocked to see Serena. "Hey, Serena."

Serena noticed Jenny's expression, explaining herself, "Amelia let me in."

"Oh", Jenny laughed. Amelia was Rufus' maid, of course she would be the one to let Dan's girlfriend inside. "What's up?"

Serena sat down on the bed, fingering the comforter. "Uh, Dan wasn't in his room."

"He went with Rufus and Nate to drop off some turkeys," Jenny explained, marking her place in the book before setting in back down next to her.

"Do you mind if I wait here with you?" Serena asked, then shook her head. "But if you're busy, I can just wait in Dan's room."

"Oh, no, it's alright," Jenny assured her with a smile. "This book was getting really sad anyway. I'd actually like the company."

"Yeah? What are you reading," she questioned, straining her neck to see the title of the book.

Jenny looked down at the book. It was a self help for former wrist cutters, helping them cope with the aftermath. They handed them out during the seminar at the hospital she attended last month with Eric. "It's, uh, this...did you and Dan have plans?"

Serena didn't seem to notice the subject change, or she just hid it very well. She picked up the black portfolio on Jenny's bed, looking through. "No, it's just that because I won't be able to spend Thanksgiving with him, I decided maybe it would be good if we went out tonight."

"That would be nice," Jenny agreed, hugging her legs to the front of her chest, chin resting on her knees.

Serena nodded, not really listening. She was too busy looking through Jenny's sketches, amazed by her talent. "Jenny, did you do this?"

She looked over at her, noticing the portfolio in her hand. "Uh, yeah, I wanted a new look for my uniform."

Serena was beaming, her face lighting up in awe. She lifted the portfolio up for Jenny to see as if she hadn't. The page displayed an indigo colored dress with ruffles outlining the bottom. It was classy yet simple. "Is this your dress for the ball?"

Jenny laughed shaking her head. "No, that just something I drew."

She placed the book into her lap, continuing to look through it. "Jenny have you ever thought of designing clothes?"

Jenny laughed again, moving her legs away from her chest, feet planted on the ground. "Not really. I just get tired of the stuff they have in the stores so I make what I like."

Serena closed the book, her smile brighter and wider than the sun shining outside. "Have you found a dress for the ball yet?" Jenny shook her head, making Serena squeal with satisfaction. "How awesome would it be if you came to the ball in a dress made by yourself. Do you know how jealous people would be?"

She thought about the idea, calculating all the reasons it would never work in her head. "Serena, I don't even have a sewing machine."

"We can go get you one," the bouncy blonde grinned, clapping her hands together, "…and don't you dare say no."

If it wasn't for Serena, Jenny never would have started designing her own dress. She spent the rest of the holiday, looking through fashion magazines, searching dresses in the web and digging through old pictures from her uncle's concerts looking for inspiration. Jenny knew that she wanted something in fashion, yet different from all the others. She wanted something that stood out, showing her individuality. The idea of her dress came the last week in November. She was sitting on the window seat of her window, Nate asleep in her bed, the two of them taking a nap together while Rufus and Dan went to the gallery Bex owned. Jenny awoke before Nate, watching him sleep from her seat by the window. Jenny was looking outside the window, the leaves falling from the tree across the street, littering the city the color of the Fall season. It was then that Jenny's idea was sparked. She rushed towards the desk where she kept her sketch book, pulling out and drawing immediately, her dream dress appearing onto the pages before her.

When Jenny returned back to school, she spent her nights working on the dress, making it come to life before her eyes. She'd gone shopping with Serena the day after her idea was hatched, the two girls searching for a sewing machine and the right color to fit the dress. Somehow news of Jenny designing her own dress spread through Gossip Girl, now everyone in the entire school was asking her of the brilliant dress creation she planned on wearing to the Snow Flake Alumni Ball. It surprised Jenny how much she enjoyed making her dress, everything in the world stopping as she sewed, making her dreams come a reality. Jenny never thought of becoming a fashion designer. She hadn't really thought about any job careers she wanted to pursue in the future actually. The thought of a future never crossing her mind before this experience.

"Shit!" Jenny cursed sucking the tip of her pointer finger in her mouth where the needle pierced it. It was the day of the Snow Flake Alumni Ball, and Jenny was almost finished with her dress, the finishing touches being put on at the moment. The fabric of the dress maroon, mirroring to the color of Fall. Jenny hadn't been out of her room since leaving school early that day, canceling plans with Nate to finish her masterpiece. He was anxious to spend time with her before the ball. Serena tried repeatedly to sneak a peek of Jenny's dress, popping in every half hour. She even sent Dan over with her camera phone.

Jenny was meeting Blair and Serena outside the school in an hour, the three girls sharing a hotel to get ready for the ball. The familiar ring tone of Jenny's cell phone sung, signaling a caller. She dashed towards the phone, cradling it between her neck and cheek, continuing to work on her dress.

"Hello, Jenny's mad house of fashion. How may I help you?" she greeted into the phone, giggling softly.

Serena's high pitched laugh came from the other end of the phone. "Hey, J, just called to tell you that B and I will be meeting a little bit earlier than planned."

Jenny's mouth dropped, "You're kidding? I'm not even done with putting the sequences on my dress yet."

"You can finish the dress at the hotel after Ramon does your hair," Serena assured, wishing Jenny could see the smile that confirmed it on her face.

She sighed into the phone, gathering the things she needed to finish the dress, while saying, "I'll be in front of the school in ten minutes." She hung up the phone, rushing to find the rest of her clothes for the ball, stuffing them into a duffel bag.

The hotel they arrived to was the _Plaza Hotel_, there bags were taken to the room, where both Blair and Serena chose dresses from a rack of clothes designed by her mother. Jenny rushed to finish her dress, putting up a fight when Serena dragged her away from it to get her hair done by Ramon, Serena's hairstylist. He was a fare skinned man, his jet black hair straightened, a veil around his eyes. His voice was thick almost choking, laugh nasally and loud. He styled Jenny's hair into curled up-do, strands hanging down the back, parted bangs dangling from the front, hair littered with small crystals. Jenny fidgeted the whole time, earning a disapproving remark from Ramon. She just had a lot on her mind, thinking of Nate and the conversation they were soon going to have. Jenny was scared, her mind telling her to prolong the conversation, but she trusted Nate, the thought of him knowing her past making her trust and him much stronger. She was in love with him, the dazzling personality that shined through, his kind will and good nature. He was her everything, saving her from the bitter sweet world they lived in.

Serena and Blair were dressed and ready before Jenny, who was having trouble zipping up the back her dress. Ramon assisted her in the process, his mouth falling open after Jenny turned around, showing her dress to him. He was the first to ever see it besides herself and the look on his face told Jenny he loved the dress just as much as she did. Nate arrived with Chuck, Eric (his date Madison) and Dan while she was putting on her jewelry. She could hear there voices through the bedroom door, Blair complaining about them being a little bit too fashionably late. Slipping her foot into the last shoe, Jenny spun around, looking at herself in the floor to ceiling mirror on the wall.

The dress was halter shaped at the top, two thick straps connecting behind the neck, embroidered with claret and gold diamond shaped flowers and maroon colored tutu stopping below the knees, littered with sparkles. On her feet were red open-toes pumps, gold outlines, and a scarlet rose perched above the toes. On her wrist were the usual bracelets she wore, a special diamond one that matched her earrings was new to the group, it being a present from Nate.

"You can do this, Jenny," she coached herself, breathing in and out before opening the bedroom doors, making her way towards the group.

It was Serena's reaction she heard first, the high pitched squeal that could shatter the world. "Jenny, you look amazing," her hands flew to her mouth, muffling the excited screams.

Jenny's eyes met Nate's, a smile lighting up his face. He moved towards her, kissing the softness of her lips. "You are so beautiful".

The limousine ride to the Snow Flake Alumni Ball was a joyous occasion, Chuck opening the champagne, toasting to a wonderful night, winking in Nate's direction, the remembrance of their earlier conversation being sparked. Jenny snuggled against Nate, him whispering how beautiful she looked in her ear, sneaking kisses. The limousine was packed with couples: Chuck and Blair, Dan and Serena, Jenny and Nate, Eric and Madison, along with a few others from school. Jenny noticed the girls as Blair's minions from their encounter in the hallway months back. The moment they saw Jenny, their jaws dropped, sending death glares, an obvious sign of jealousy. Blair never admitted it aloud, but she liked Jenny's dress, the idea of wearing a Fall color in the middle of Winter bold and fashionable correct. Instead of letting Jenny know, she simply nodded in approval on their way out the hotel suite.

With a little magic, creativity, smoke and mirrors, the dense space recommended for the cafeteria was transformed into a winter wonderland. Outside of the sheer silver curtains, two six feet polar bears framed the entrance to the main dining and party area. Jenny's mouth dropped at the sight of the venue. The lights above reflecting a shade of peacock, hundreds of tables outlining the room, set with lavish sapphire painted plants, gold silverware table setting, seated for four couples. The dance floor was enormous, above hung lightened snowflakes, reflecting from the glass ceiling above. There was a sitting lounge, candles giving the blue room a distinct glow. Cocktails were on the other side of the room, separating the adults from the young adults.

"I thought this was an Alumni Ball", Iz, one of Blair's minions, commented as she looked around the venture. "I don't see my mom and dad."

Blair turned to her, a look of disgust plastered on her face. "Iz, alumni means graduates from the past five years, not your botox ingested mother." Serena pinched Blair's arm before walking off towards the dance floor with Dan.

"Does that mean Carter Bazin is here?" Penelope, the other minion, asked searching the room.

"Why don't you go and look". Blair's suggested although it was more like an order. Catching Blair's tone, the three girls rushed off towards the dance floor with their dates.

The DJ blasted Ashley Tisdale's newest song, _Hot Mess_, the dance floor going crazy with gyrating bodies. "Let's dance", Nate suggested, pulling Jenny towards the dance floor.

_"You wake up in your bra and your makeup, Ooh,Ooh, Car in the driveway, parked sideways, Yeah, I know this is killing me...",_ the song played while Jenny sung along with the words, Nate's arms wrapped around her waist. Jenny looked around her, people from her school and others coming together for one night. There were couples and friends dancing with each other. Serena and Dan were basically having sex on the dance floor, Chuck and Blair were teasing each other, while Eric and his date Madison kept it classy and real. Madison was a girl both Eric and Jenny knew from group therapy at the hospital. She and Eric became friends last month, the two of them going on dates, becoming inseparable. They'd even double dated with Jenny and Nate a couple times. Jenny was glad Eric found someone he really liked, having felt bad about not spending as much time with him since she started dating Nate. But now that Eric had a girlfriend she was happy for him, wanting her friend to feel the love she felt every time she and Nate were together.

"Babe, you wanna go get a drink?" Nate asked.

Feeling the dryness of her throat, Jenny nodded, letting Nate pull her away from the dance floor. "This is fun", she admitted, sitting down at the table reserved for them and the rest of their friends.

He chuckled in agreement, pulling Jenny into his lap, her head resting on his shoulder. "Have I told you how beautiful you look tonight?"

"You may have mentioned it a few times." Jenny raised her head, looking into his eyes. She let out a deep breath and said, "Nate, you think maybe we can talk after the dance? There is something I need to tell you."

"Of course". His smile was brighter than the shaded blue lights above, "Are you having fun, though?"

"This is one of the best nights of my life," she nodded, playing with the silver place setting on the table. "How come there are plates but no food?"

Nate chucked. Everyone asked the same question there first Alumni Ball. "There is food, but everyone is just too cool to eat it".

Jenny looked confused. "I'm not too cool to eat. Can we go get some?".

Without a word, he captured her mouth with his, the sweet taste of her lip-gloss smearing his lips. He loved kissing her, the feelings she bestowed on him like no other. Most girls, including his ex Vanessa, never wanted to eat food from a school function, even though you could hear the cry of their stomach from miles away. But Jenny was different. She didn't care about looking sophisticated, or hide the fact that she was starving. It was one of the many things Nate loved about her.

Jenny braided her hands through his hair, massaging the scalp with her fingertips. They were so long in each other, they didn't noticed the appearance of Blair and Chuck.

Blair cleared her throat loudly, kicking at the leg of the chair Nate and Jenny were sitting in. When she gained their attention she spoke, "Sorry to interrupt your little yuck fest. But Nate, Chuck and I need to speak with you about something."

Nate glanced towards Jenny, hoping they'd leave the two of them alone. "Now?"

Chuck smirked, catching his friends drift, but the information he and his better half were carrying was too important to keep it waiting. "It's important, Nathaniel."

Nate looked at Jenny, contemplating his decision. He wanted to stay with her, but the look in Chuck's eyes proved there was something very important he and Blair needed to say. "Five minutes."

He stood Jenny up, sitting her back down in the seat he was previously sitting in. Nate leaned down, smiling at her. "I'll be right back."

She smiled up at him, kissing the bottom of his chin. "I'll be fine right here," Giving her one last kiss, Nate disappeared into the crowd with his stepsister and best friend.

"Jenny!" Eric yelled, he and Maddison walking towards the table. "Where is Nate?"

She shrugged, "Blair and Chuck dragged him away."

"Does than mean, I get that dance you promised me?" he asked, holding his hand out to her. Madison smiled encouragingly, letting her know it was alright.

Jenny took his hand, giggling, "That is exactly what it means."

The two of them hopping around the dance floor. He spun Jenny around, the tutu of her dress flying high in the air. She was happy, never having this much fun in all her life. Before this life, Jenny didn't know what it felt like to attend a school function, always staying home with her parents, hiding in her small room, or out with Kami who would drag her to a riot in a nearby abandoned building in Brooklyn. As far as her memory would go, Jenny remembered all her fun times being with Dan and her Uncle Rufus, the trips they would take when Jenny came to visit sometimes over the summer. She'd spend every summer with them, but that stopped completely the year her father's business went bankrupt. He found hard liquor that year, her mother bruises and Jenny cutting. But this year was different for Jenny and she was grateful for that. This year, Jenny found friends, a hobby that she loved to do and a boyfriend that she loved with all her heart.

In the beginning of her new life, Jenny took it for granted, she hated, banished it from her memory. She saw this new life as a curse, something she never wanted. But as the months went on, and the treatment began, Jenny was thankful for her new life, seeing all the possibilities and opportunities that would come from it. She was stronger now than she was before.

"Eric, I'm going to the bathroom," Jenny informed him, shouting over the loud music. _Popular_ by The Veronicas was blasting from the speakers. Eric nodded, turning back to the dance floor.

Jenny pushed past the people on the dance floor towards the woman's bathroom. She walked over to the sink, pulling the red lip-gloss from her white clutch, applying a fresh coat. After she was done, Jenny pulled out the small comb Ramon gave her, touching up the split bangs in front of her hair. The toilet flushed behind her, a girl stepping out of the stall.

"Hey, Jenny!" Nelly Yuki smiled, pumping soap into her hand from the dispenser, putting them under the automatic running water.

Jenny smiled back. "Hey, Nelly".

Nelly Yuki was a sophomore like Jenny, the two of them sharing a journalism class together. Nelly was one of the smartest people Jenny knew, her grade point average a 4.0. She'd accomplished more things than anyone Jenny knew. She was also a really nice person, the two of them becoming really quick friends.

"You look amazing, Jenny, like seriously", she complimented, drying her hands on the small white hand towel next to the sink. She pulled out a tube of chapstick, smearing it onto her lips.

"I agree", the voice coming from the stall behind agreed with Nelly's earlier compliment. Jenny looked up in the mirror, meeting the eyes of the one person she never wanted to see again. Nelly's eyes were even wider than usual once she caught a glimpse of the person standing behind them, she smiled cryptically towards Jenny before rushing out of the bathroom.

Vanessa Abrams walked slowly, standing next to Jenny, her the mirror reflected a calm stance on her face. She pumped the soap in her hand, washing them under the water. Jenny's face was hot, mouth dry from the intense taste of pennies. It was a good thing she'd been too nervous to eat earlier that day otherwise it would have all been splattered across the bleached white sinks in front of her. Jenny never was good in situations like these. She usually kept quiet, waiting for the intense blow to come, knocking the fight out of her, seeking comfort in the happy place that was once her best friend. She would hide in that place, the world becoming oblivious to her, a faded part in the background, but now as she stood next to her boyfriend's ex-girlfriend, alone in the bathroom, she had nothing to run to, nothing to dull the pain until it was gone completely. She was nude, running through a sea of confrontation.

Vanessa pursed her lips, sliding gloss along their edges, eyeing Jenny in the mirror. "I must say, you look so much different than the last time I saw you."

Jenny blinked a few times, not expecting those to be the first words Vanessa said to her once they came face-to-face with each other again. Maybe she wasn't as mad as Jenny thought, maybe, just maybe she was happy for Nate and her.

She placed the gloss away from her lips, pointing it in Jenny's direction. "Maybe it's the slut in you that makes you look so different."

Her face turned the same shade as her dress, the embarrassment washing over. "Vanessa, I-". She didn't know what to say, her voice sounded foreign, scared in the empty bathroom.

"You, know, I was actually jealous of you for a while," Vanessa continued as if Jenny never opened her mouth. "...but then I realized something. You and Nate aren't going to last."

Jenny wanted to laugh at her, she wanted to tell her that she and Nate were going to be together for a long time, and that she was just bitter because he broke up with her for someone else. Said someone being herself. But her voice was frozen, ice churning and gurgling in her throat, chilling all confidence her voice had.

"You're just a faze for Nate, and you can't possibly think he's in love with you," the torture continued, Vanessa's voice cooler than marble. She pulled the small compact from her purse, patting the blush on her cheeks, taking her eyes from Jenny.

There was voice screaming inside her head, begging for her to say something, tell Vanessa that she was wrong. The soft sweet voice told Jenny, Nate did lover her, saying they were more than just a faze. But as the voice screamed, its lungs burning from the cries, but there was another voice overpowered it. This voice was angry, fire shooting from it. The voice was telling her Vanessa was right, confirming ever word she said. This voice pounded the words of Vanessa over and over, crashing into her mental state. The voices were too much, too many flooding her head. She wanted to walk away, go back to the ball and find Nate, but she couldn't. Her feet were frozen to the ground, itching up her body until the cold became her body; it did. The water in her eyes began to form, clouding the vision of herself and Vanessa in the mirror.

"Oh!" Vanessa laughed, placing a hand over her bitter heart. She looked into Jenny's eyes, the soft tears coating them, "...you actually believes he loves you. How pathetic."

Jenny kept her eyes straight, staring at the girl in front of her. Tonight was suppose to be that beautiful girls in the mirrors best night of her life. She was suppose to dance with her friends, kiss her boyfriend, and become part of something for the first time. The girl with the beautiful hair, makeup, dress and smile was suppose to shine, have the entire ball look in her direction, envying the life she seemed to live. This was suppose to be her night, but here in this bathroom, the lights shining bright, almost blinding, her perfect night was gliding away, while she was being swallowed whole in this bitter sweet world.

"Nate has really got to stop stringing you along, filling your head with lies", Vanessa coated her lips with red, then snapping the cap back into its place. "...because we both know he will never love you, and that one person he will ever love is me."

Shut up!, Jenny wanted to yell in Vanessa's direction, but her voice was solid, frozen like the winter night. "That's exactly why he still calls me."

That was when she defrosted herself, the heat rising slowly within her body. Jenny turned her face towards Vanessa, shocked and confused. "What?"

"He did tell you? Did he?". Vanessa was laughing that sinister laugh as she continued to paint herself a new face with the cosmetics in her bag. She pulled out her cell phone, flipping through before finding just what she was looking for. She slid the phone to Jenny, text messages from Nate filled the inbox. "...he never mentioned you once which was why I was surprised to see the two of you together tonight."

"Bye," Vanessa snatched the phone, dropping it into her clutch before walking towards the bathroom's exit. She turned around, back pressed against the door. "Oh, and the whole Fall in Winter theme makes you look cheep."

The bathroom door closed and just like old times, Jenny was alone, facing the hurt by herself, no one there to catch her falling tears. She was once used to it, having only one friend who ended up betraying her trust, never the affectionate type. But here in this new life, with her new hair, dress, makeup and smile, Jenny never thought about being alone. She had a strange sense of knowing that no matter what problem she dealing with, there was always someone there to catch her, pick up the broken pieces she left behind, putting her together again. Whether it was her therapist, the hospital staff, Rufus, Dan, Eric, Agnes, Nate, Blair, or anyone else she'd come in contact with sense her new beginning, Jenny depended on those people to help her, be the shelter she seek comfort in. But no one was there, no one making her whole again.

There was a whole in her chest, spilling the thoughts she pushed away at the beginning of the night, flooding her mind. She had planned her entire conversation with Nate, how she'd tell him of the life she lived before him, knowing he would continue to love her just like before. But the angry voice from before was back, kicking the soft one away in the distance until it was gone from her brain. Nate did love her, the voice convinced. He only loved and will ever love Vanessa, the text messages in her phone flashing across her memory. They were recent, from before Thanksgiving, after, and the beginning of the month. He was in contact with Vanessa, probably exchanging love messages, pushing Jenny from his mind. He didn't love her and he never would. He was just like all the other boys that she once liked, using her to get something or someone else that was so much better than her. Nate was her whole world, the reason she woke in the morning, the reason she wanted to tell him everything. But according to Vanessa and the angry voice in her head, Nate never loved her, only Vanessa.

On the other side of the bathroom, Jenny could hear the laughter, the music blaring, happy people enjoying themselves while she stood miserable in a bathroom, face streaming with scolding tears, an avalanche of mascara gliding down her cheeks. The veins in her arms twitched, the false high calling her, beckoning her into that familiar world. Jenny took a deep breath, leaving the party before anyone could spot her. In the distance, she saw Vanessa standing next to Nate, Blair and Chuck, the four of them deep in conversation. She moved her legs faster, bumping into Madison, Eric's date, before leaving, the girl staring at Jenny as she left, taking in her tear stricken, hurt face. The same expression Madison seen on her own face the night she relapsed, sending her back into rehab.

"Nate, can we talk after the Ball?", Vanessa was asking, her hand creeping out to touch his arm. They were standing near the outskirts of the party at the bar. "...you can come by my hotel".

Blair's face crunched up in disgust, rolling her eyes in Vanessa's direction. Nate shook Vanessa's hand off his arm. "Jenny and I have plans after the Ball and I wouldn't come if we didn't."

Vanessa folded her arms across her chest, childishly and pouted. "...but, Nate, I really think we should talk about us."

Nate laughed, leaning against the bar. "What us? I have a girlfriend."

Blair nodded in agreement. "One that we all actually like". She said this while sending a look at the raven haired girl, Vanessa, standing next to Nate.

"What is your problem?", Vanessa snapped, glaring towards Blair.

"Easy, B", Chuck warned, knowing how bitchy his girlfriend was. "She's not worth it."

Blair, the Queen B she was, smirked, unfazed by Vanessa's tone of voice. "Just the fact that you constantly annoy me."

Serena and Dan was coming there way, holding souvenir bags. Dan spoke first, looking around the group for someone. "Nate, where is Jenny?".

"Madison told me she was dancing with Eric", Nate answered, remembering Eric's date's words from earlier. He'd sat at the bar with Chuck and Blair, waiting for Jenny to find him when Vanessa came up to him, a strange smile on her face.

Both Serena and Dan looked confused, Eric and Madison walking up to the group behind them. "Eric just told us she went to the bathroom and was going to find you afterward."

"I've been waiting for her the entire time," Nate explained, not really understanding what was going on.

"I-I saw her come from the bathroom a while ago...", Madison spoke softly, capturing everyone's attention. "She looked really upset."

Dan turned to Madison, hands raised in confusion. "What do you mean upset?"

"Her eyes were red and she was crying", Madison explained, her voice dropping to a loud whisper. "She looked like she was about to relapse."

Everyone besides Dan and Eric looked at Madison like she'd grown three heads and was suddenly sprouting fire from her mouth. "Excuse me?"

Eric stepped forward. "Dan, there is something I've been meaning to tell you. Jenny hasn't been going to her meetings."

"What meetings?", Nate asked, confused and worried at the same time, but no one answered him.

"How do you know about that?" Dan asked defensively, the Humphrey wall shooting up.

Eric looked around. The only people knowing the truth about his problem was Serena and Chuck. "Because I attend the same meetings."

Dan was moving before he'd even realized it, his feet moving towards the door, unaware of the crowd of friends behind him, all wondering the same thing. He needed to find Jenny, stop her from doing the thing he'd been waiting for her to do for so long. The dormitories were empty for the night, most students heading back to their rented suites. Dan knew Jenny hadn't gotten far, most likely returning to her room.

"Dan, what the hell is going on?," Nate questioned, trying to keep up with Dan, a scared look on his face. "What the hell were you, Eric and Madison talking about back there?"

They were outside now, Dan still not answering any of Nate's questions. Eric was behind them, the rest of the group staying behind at the party. Nate was freaking out, thoughts running wild in his head. He wanted to know where Jenny was, see if she was aright, safe and out of harms way. Maybe it was the thought of her being in danger or seeing Vanessa again, but it suddenly dawned on Nate why he was so worried when it came to Jenny, why he'd been for the past couple of months: He loved her! He loved everything about her, the high pitch laugh of hers, the way she crinkled her nose whenever she was thinking, the nervous hair pull, and the smile that lit up the entire room whenever they were together. He loved her more than he had anyone else. Of course there was Vanessa, but the only reason he started dating her was because of his father's pressuring words, half of their relationship arguments about how they didn't have anything in common or Vanessa complaining about Nate's friends. But it was different with Jenny because the idea to date her was his own. He was falling in love for the first time, but now there was something wrong with her, a problem she suffered from. All the information he gathered through Dan, Madison and Eric's exchange was Jenny on the verge of relapse, not attending meetings.

When reaching Jenny's dorm, Dan tried the knob, but it was locked. "Jenny!" Dan screamed pounding on the door with his fist. He tried four more times before Nate pushed him aside.

"Jenny! Baby, open the door!", Nate banged the door this time. With the side of his body, he lunged into the door, ripping the lock open.

There was a light shining from under the bathroom door, no noised being made, just the ragged breathing of the people huddled together in the room.

"Not again," Dan said to himself, opening the bathroom door, blinded by the bright lights and color he'd never wanted to see again. He stepped back, leaning against the door, his willpower burst out of him.

"Oh my god", Eric stated softly, placing a hand over his mouth, the tears softly streaming down his face. He never wanted this to happen.

In front Dan and Eric, Nate stood, face blank. He couldn't speak, he couldn't think, and he couldn't move. It was all hitting him at once, the realization of what he was seeing. The girl he loved was lying on the floor, a helpless mess. He walked forward into the bathroom and sat down, hovering over her body, pulling Jenny into his arms, and for the first time since his father was sent to rehab, Nathaniel Archibald cried.

Outside, the weather was cold, winter making its mark, but in the bathroom, it was the season of Fall, the scarlet color everywhere, seeping from the vein in Jenny's wrist, blending with the dress she was wearing.


	12. Twelve: A Little Bit Longer

**A/N:** I just wanted to thank you all once again for the AMAZING reviews that you all left me last chapter, and continue to leave me. They all mean the world to me and thank you so much.

Thanks so much to my beta Jenna {**_chngingx3lanes** at LiveJournal} Thank you, babe for letting me know that this chapter wasn't as bad as I'd told myself it , thank you so much.

xoxo, Alex

* * *

**Chapter Twelve - A Little Bit Longer**

_Got the news today doctor said I had to stay  
A little bit longer and I'll be fine  
When I thought it'd all been done  
When I thought it'd all been said  
A little bit longer and I'll be fine_

_But you don't know what you got until it's gone  
And you don't know what it's like to feel so low  
And every time you smile, you laugh, you glow  
You don't even know, know, know  
You don't even know_

_All this time goes by, still no reason why  
A little bit longer and I'll be fine  
Waiting on a cure but none of them are sure  
A little bit longer and I'll be fine_

As far as he could remember, Nate Archibald hated hospitals. He hated everything about them: the smell, the worry on people's faces when awaiting the news of their loved ones, the stale, bitter scent that clung to the air, the constant ring of a phone no one answered, the long white doctor's coats, the squeaky crisp white floors, the bland coffee exerted from the machines, and the hard seats in the waiting room. These things just added to the long list of reasons why Nate hated the hospital, but the main one was the feeling he would always get. The churning, twisting feeling in his stomach that came with the knowledge of knowing that someone he loved was suffering from a certain problem. In this case, it was the girl he'd known for a period of time, the girl he opened up the most with, the girl he loved, the girl he didn't even know was suffering from a problem like this, so severe and devasting. After they'd found Jenny in the bathroom, wrist cut, Dan did his best to call an ambulance, his voice wavering. When the ambulance arrived, Nate still wouldn't let go of Jenny, Eric having to pull him away with Dan's help. Dan rode with Jenny to the hospital, being her only family, while the rest of the them drove behind the ambulance to the hospital. It was Serena who called Rufus after seeing the ambulance, Jenny being rolled into the back of it.

He'd been down this road before, his father being admitted into the hospital for a drug overdose when he was thirteen. The worry that his father was on the verge of dying and the sudden rush to the hospital. He didn't know what was going on at the time, why his father was being admitted, but after leaving the hospital with his mother, Nate went home to find the evidence all over the desk in his father's study. The next year, his mother filed for divorce, while Howie 'the captain' Archibald became engaged to Eleanor Waldorf. Then before he could blink, Howie was back in the hospital, forcing him to spend another stint in a rehabilitation center.

The small waiting room, tucking in the corner was tense, being able to see it as it hung above in the air. Nate was seated in the corner near the window, the Winter season visible behind him. On his left was Chuck, then Blair, both their faces solemn and sad, a rare expression for the two of them. Eric was sitting next to Madison, her head resting softly on his shoulder, sleep claiming her. Dan was closest to the nurses station, Serena holding tightly onto his hand, wiping away stray tears as they fell. Bex was in front of Dan across the room, Rufus off in the distance trying to get answers from the doctors. With all the sadness, hurt, and disappointment associated with the hospital it was hard to believe that just two stories down lives were being created, happy times for new and old parents.

"Would anyone like some coffee?", Bex asked fishing in her purse for loose quarters. Her voice was low, although it seemed loud in the inaudible hospital.

"No, thank you." Serena held on tighter to Dan's hand as she answered Bex's question. She glanced over at Dan, his head leaned against the wall, staring up at the ceiling above, taking in the different patterns.

Bex turned to the rest of the group asking them without even speaking. Each and every one of them simply shook their heads, staying silent. It was several minutes later when Rufus came rushing back down the hall, his face worried, obviously baring bad news. He was wearing a beat-up brown leather jacket, the material faded. His face was unshaved, eyes red, and tired. Everyone seemed to wake up when they saw him, focusing their attention on what news he was bringing them.

"Dad, what did they say?", Dan asked the moment his father was in hearing distance. He was sitting upwards now, listening intently to what his father was about to say.

Rufus sighed heavily, sitting next to Bex, who rubbed his left shoulder with the palm of her hand. "The doctors says that she'll be fine physically, not a lot of blood lost as the last time". He ran a hand over his face, dreading the next words that were about to spill from his mouth. "…but they're going to put her on twenty-four hour suicide watch."

"Why?", Dan asked, although the reason was obvious, but Jenny wasn't suicidal. She was happy, or so he'd thought. "You and I both know that Jenny isn't suicidal, dad."

Rufus nodded, leaning back in his chair. "Maybe so, but something triggered this, and the doctors just want to know what."

"I just don't understand it, Rufus, she was doing so well," Bex chimed in, remembering all the happy moments she shared with Jenny.

"I don't understand it either, honey." When he'd received Serena's call about Jenny, Rufus was in the middle of doing an interview for a local late night talk show. He'd immediately rushed off the stage, after apologizing to the host and the audience. His hasty exit will no doubt spark controversy, the news of famous musician Rufus Humphrey leaving in the middle of an interview because of an emergency. The media would be fishing for details, until they uncovered the secret Rufus kept hidden. Sure, he publicized the problem Jenny had in a song, but that wasn't his initial plan. He'd started writing the song, a special gift he wanted Jenny to have, but after his manager heard the song, he wanted Rufus to record it, making it a number one hit.

The time passed, rolling into the next day. Madison was asleep on Eric's shoulder, his head resting against the wall beside him. Blair was trying her best to stay awake, not wanting to be rude and fall asleep, beside her, Chuck's eyes were closed, uncomfortable in the hard chairs. Serena continued to hold on tight to Dan, letting him know that she was there, and would always be when he was ready to talk. Rufus was off making calls, talking with the doctors. Bex was asleep, her head resting on her hand.

Nate was staring out the window, a thousand thoughts running through his head, mostly of Jenny and the time they spent together before her "accident." he knew it was all his fault why Jenny did what she'd done. If he would have stayed with her, then none of this would have happened. Jenny would be smiling, the two of them having a great night together, one they'd both remember for the rest of their lives. They would both indeed remember this night, but not as a happy memory. One that was cold, dark, and lonely. He wanted so badly to know what Jenny was thinking at the moment, to be inside her head, seeing the reason why she'd hurt herself that way.

He dreamt of Jenny that night In his dream it was twilight all around, her voice the only thing leading him towards where she was. Her voice sounded different, sad and foreign in the darkness. The dream adaptation of himself moved towards her voice, a bright light appearing as he continued to walk, moving closer. When he was in the light, he saw her. She was wearing the blood stained dress, her hair a mess, shoes missing, wrist cut, blood dripping, thumping against the bleached white floor. But in the mist of it all, her horrible appearance, Jenny was smiling, but it was different, one he'd never seen before, instantly becoming afraid. The dream scared Nate, vaulting him from sleep, sweat pooling over his face and body.

"Nate," Serena's voice pulled him from the dream. She was sitting next to him in the waiting room, the morning light shining through from the window behind him. "Are you alright?"

"Yeah." He looked around, the room empty except for Serena and himself. "Where is everyone?"

Serena leaned back in her chair. "Eric took Madison home, Blair and Chuck went back to the dorms to pack, Bex is getting breakfast, and Dan is with Rufus talking to the doctors."

"Did they hear anything about Jenny?" he asked, running a hand through his sweaty hair. He noticed that Serena was still in her dress from last night.

"Not that I know of," she replied sadly. She could see how much Nate was hurting. He was one of her best friends and she wanted nothing more than to take his pain away, just like she wanted to do for Dan, Rufus and Jenny. "How are you doing?"

Nate sighed, glancing at Serena then back to the window. "To be honest, I really don't know. I just want her to be alright."

Serena patted his hand in a friendly way. "She will be." He looked at her, wanting to believe the words she said, so easy, and simple as if the situation really was. Maybe in Serena's world it was, but in his it wasn't.

Minutes later, Bex arrived with breakfast. Nate accepted the coffee she'd brought for him, downing it in seconds. He wasn't really that hungry, the thought of food making his stomach churn.

Dan entered the waiting room minutes after Bex, his face stressed. He was no longer wearing his suit jacket from last night, his tie was loose, hanging limp around his neck. He didn't say anything at first, just sat down next to Serena, grabbing the coffee Bex offered him.

Then finally he spoke. "They're going to take her off suicide watch at noon, then her therapist is going to talk to her to make sure she's not suicidal, then they will move her to a room where we can visit her."

* * *

It all happened so fast, crashing down on her before she could even stop it. She was leaving the party, tears streaming from her face, the thought of Nate no longer wanting to be with her embedded in her memory. She loved him, wanted to be with him for as long as she could, but apparently he didn't feel that same way. According to Vanessa he didn't love Jenny. She shouldn't have listened to the bitter ex-girlfriend, should have just gone and found Nate, living in the moment with him, but she couldn't. Her mind wouldn't let her, kicking her heart out of the way, what she believed thrown in the trash. Jenny listened to the harsh voice in her head, the one that always appeared just before she injured herself. The harsh voice mocked her, showing her images of a happier Nate with Vanessa, things she hadn't even see before. It showed her the ending result of telling Nate of her past, him proclaiming she carried too much baggage, making his way towards Vanessa, the girl according to the voice, he only loved.

Everything was a blur as the scissors sliced open her skin, the smell of blood laced the air, intoxicating her. She was back in that place, the one she used to love more than anything in the world. This was the only place she could run to now, that would help her, comfort her from the shattering lost. All the while, she thought of Nate, how she'd never be able to feel him again, kiss the softness of his lips, and be held in his arms. He was going to hold Vanessa now, the text messages from Nate filling her memory. It was that which sent her over the edge, seeking refuge in the world she'd left behind for months. If she wasn't with Nate, then there was no use. He was her everything, the person that kept her sane, grounded, and away from that world, but now that he was gone from her, she didn't care what happened to her, or where she ended up.

The room they placed her in was small, a single mattress, no sheet, no springs, no pillow, nothing. The walls were bare, bleached white, floors cold and ashy. She'd never been on suicide watch, not even in the earlier days when she'd cut too deep, almost losing her life. This was different from anything she'd been through, maybe even worse. It was like solitary confinement and she was a prisoner, hidden away so she couldn't corrupt the others. They watched her every move, making sure she wasn't about to snap. They'd taken away her dress, jewelry, even some of her hair extensions. The all too familiar white bandage was covering her wrist, hiding what she'd done from her own eyes.

"Hi, Jenny," Susan Boyd, her old therapist greeted, sitting across from Jenny at the small table in the hospital's cafeteria. They released her from the small room, calling Susan to evaluate her. "How are you feeling?"

"Not good." Jenny smiled weakly. Susan looked mush more different from the last time she'd seen her. Her sandy brown hair was gone, now a lighter shade of blonde.

"I'm really sorry to hear that." And she really meant it, her voice genuine and caring. She placed the tape recorder on the table in between them, something she started during once Jenny first started to talk to her all those months back. "Do you wanna tell me what happened? You don't have to."

Jenny thought about shutting down, keeping the thoughts inside of her head, but decided against it. "I screwed up."

Susan sat up straight, writing in her notebook. "How so?"

Jenny tucked a clump of hair behind one ear, sniffling. "I relapsed, and I really shouldn't have because it's wrong." She stared at the lights above her as they shined over the cafeteria. Outside the windows she could see people leaving the hospital, going back home to the ones that loved them the most. "Everyone is going home to the people that love them."

Susan was confused at first, then looked in the direction Jenny was, seeing the patient pickup section of the hospital. "Are people that love you waiting?"

In an instant, Jenny thought of Nate, his smiling face and bright blue eyes, but pushed the thought from her mind. He was most likely in the arms of Vanessa. She let her mind wander to much better things. Jenny thought of Eric, Dan, Bex and Rufus waiting to hug and love her. She even thought of Blair and Chuck. "Yeah."

Susan smiled, sparkling white teeth present. "Well, that's good. Who are they?"

Jenny exhaled, running a hand through her hair. "My uncle, Dan, Eric, Bex, and all friends from school."

Susan smiled to herself, writing down her thoughts in the notebook. Lifting her head, she studied the girl in front of her, then slowly asked, "What about your boyfriend?"

She didn't know what to say, or how to respond. She'd never mentioned Nate. "How do you know about him?"

"Your Uncle Rufus," Susan informed, her voice hesitant, awaiting Jenny's reaction. When she didn't start to freak out, Susan continued. "…do you want to tell me about him?"

It wasn't until Susan brought him up, that Jenny realized just how angry she really was. Nate lied to her, betrayed her trust, and he'd probably done more than that, stuff that she didn't even know about. He'd communicated with Vanessa behind her back and filled her head with lies. He was just like all the other boys that was nice to her. He wanted sex from her just like the others and she would have given it to him, because she loved him, but he never loved her. He loved Vanessa, that was clear. It was probably there all along but she never really opened her eyes, but not that she had, Jenny hated Nate. She hated him for lying to her, filling her head with promises he never intended to keep. He was a low, poor excuse for a man, and she hated him, never wanted to see his face as long as she existed.

"We're not together anymore." Jenny declared, her voice tight with anger.

They two of them talked more about school, the classes Jenny were attending, and the friends she made. Susan did her best not to mention Nate, realizing how angry Jenny would get whenever hearing his name, or accidentally saying it herself. Susan could tell that something happened between the two in order to make Jenny react the way she did. But that was all she detected, not one reason to believe that Jenny was suicidal.

After Susan explained to the doctors the condition of Jenny's mental state, they assigned a room to her, informing Rufus and the others that Jenny was available for visitors. Rufus, Bex, and Dan were the only ones available to see her, considering they were her only family. Nate stayed behind with Serena, pacing the length of the small waiting room near Jenny's newly assigned room.

Dan was the first in the door, smiling weakly when he saw Jenny sitting on the small hospital bed. "Hey."

"Hey." A single tear fell from her right eye, skating down her cheek. Dan moved forward, hugging her tight. Jenny held on, whispering, "I'm sorry."

Rufus was next, the two of them exchanging hugs, while Jenny continued to apologize. Bex cried when she hugged Jenny, telling the girl that she was glad she was alright. She was happy to see her family, the only ones she could trust to tell her the truth and be there when she needed them. Jenny's mind occasionally thought of Nate, wondering if he was waiting to see her just like the others that Dan mentioned. But she quickly reminded herself that she hated Nate, and didn't want to see him.

But just like every other big situation that happened in the Humphrey world, they shut down, not speaking of it, just waited for the doctor to come, explaining the details of what happened and what the future held for Jenny. Dr. Bloom concluded that she was to stay in the hospital for the rest of the weekend, suggesting that Jenny attend their 'Teen Outreach' program until the end of the year, helping her cope with the relapse. The doctor left, telling them it was alright for Jenny to have visitors besides family in thirty minutes.

Bex sat down on the bed, smiling. "Nate is in the waiting room. I bet you can't wait t-."

"I don't want to see him," Jenny snapped, cutting her off, voice constricted with anger.

Bex looked confused, pushing the hair away from Jenny's face. "Look, Jenny, I know you're scared, but-."

"I don't want to see him," she insisted loudly, catching the attention of Rufus and Dan. There were tears starting to fall from her eyes, not knowing what struck them. "…I hate him."

"Jenny, you don't mean that." Bex continued to reason, not being able to believe the word coming from the younger woman's mouth.

"Yes. I. Do," Jenny's voice was so sure of the words she was saying, wanting the people around her to believe her as well. "I hate him."

Rufus glanced towards his son, then stepped closer to Jenny. "What did he do?" Jenny didn't answer, just placed her head down, the tears continuing to glide down her cheeks, hitting the white sheets covering her body. "Did he hurt you?"

While Rufus continued to ask, wanting to know what was happening, Dan stormed out the door, getting all the information he needed. He rushed towards the waiting area where they'd left Serena and Nate, red-faced with anger. Nate was still pacing when Dan walked up to him, grabbing the front of his suit jacket, banging him into the wall, knocking over a few chairs. Everyone stopped, looking in their direction. Serena hopped to her feet, asking questions.

"What the hell did you do to her?" Dan bellowed, his angry breath blowing against Nate's face, which looked puzzled.

"Dan what are you doing?" Serena asked frantically, trying to pry Dan's hands away.

"Dan, what the hell are you talking about?" Nate asked confused. He didn't do anything that he could remember being this bad.

"You son of a bitch, if you hurt her, I swear to god…" Dan threatened, tightening his grasp on his roommate's clothes, pushing him further into the wall if that was possible. . "…I will kill you."

"Stop it!," Serena screamed, pulling the tail of her boyfriend's shirt, trying to break up the altercation before the police arrived, throwing all of them out of the hospital.

"I really have no idea what you're talking about, man," Nate tried to explain himself, but Dan refused to listen.

"Yeah, then why is she hollering for us to keep you away from her?" Dan asked, although he really wasn't looking for an answer.

The words stopped Nate's whole world, the fight inside him dying down into nothing. "What?"

"Jenny said she hated you," Dan informed him, not knowing or caring the affect the delivered message was having on Nate. "…and I wanna know what you did to make her say that."

"I didn't do anything." Nate whispered to himself, confusion clouding his mind.

"Bullshit!" Dan let go of his grasp on Nate, watching as he fell limp to the ground. "…all I know is that my cousin starts dating you, then ends up cutting her goddamn wrist again. You stay the hell away from her."

"Dan." Serena ran after him, her hand on his shoulder, trying to ease his anger.

Nate watched them go, confused about what just happened. For some reason, Jenny hated him, ending with Dan becoming upset and attacking him. There was no where in Nate's brain, he could recall harming Jenny. He'd always been very careful with her, treating her as if she were a fragile doll. She might have just been scared, he told himself, guessing that Jenny was scared to see him after what happened, thinking that he would be upset with her. But he wasn't. He loved her so much, that the thought of becoming mad with her made his skin crawl. Maybe he did do something, although he couldn't remember exactly what it was, or for some reason, Jenny got it into her head that he'd done something wrong, telling her family that she hated him, and never wanted to see him. Nate concluded that she might have been upset with him for leaving her at the party to talk with Chuck and Blair. But she seemed alright with it when he'd left her at their table, she even encouraged him to go, saying that she would be alright by herself.

But why was she saying all of this? That she hated him, and never wanted to see his face. It was all a blur to him, a messed up situation he needed to discuss with her, but there was no way he was going to get to her, with Dan around. It was later in the day when Rufus came up to him. He was walking slowly, his face clam unlike Dan's earlier.

He stood in front of Nate, who'd pulled himself into a chair after another hour of sitting on the floor. He studied the boy, smoothing down the hair on his face. "I think it would be best if you just went home."

Nate looked up at him, the tears he'd cried earlier, dried against his face. He didn't say anything, just listened to the older male in front of him. "For whatever reason, she doesn't want to see you, so I'm going to honor that by asking you to leave."

Before he could even answer, Rufus walked away, leaving him alone in the small waiting room, his entire world falling apart with no one to put it back together. It was just like when his parents divorced, no one there to help him deal with it or listen to his side of the issue. They just left him, not caring what he had to say. It happened all his life, the ignorance. He'd received it from mostly everyone he's known: his father, his mother, his friends, his ex-girlfriends, and now the one person he always thought of being there for him, the person he loved the most. Nate picked himself off of the floor, exiting the hospital doors, leaving it all behind him.

He found himself in a bar, ordering a shot, asking the bartender to leave the bottle, slipping him a twenty. The smell of whisky laced the air, seeping into the material of his expensive suit. He continued to drink from the glass, then after while he stopped, drinking straight from the bottle, letting himself become intoxicated, numbing the pain he was feeling. It was when he passed out that Nate dreamt of her again, her bright cobalt eyes, sweet smell, and soft lips. He thought of all the times they'd spent together, laughing and playing in her dorm room or his. He loved all the time he spent with her, wishing to himself that he could change her mind, let her see just how much he loved her. Maybe it was the half of bottle of Vodka he down, or his intense love for her, but Nate bolted upright, sobering himself very quickly. He caught a cab back to the hospital determined to show her the truth.

It was easy for him to pass security, sneaking past when they weren't looking. He explained to the new nurse at the station that he was a family member of Jenny Humphrey, saying he was her cousin Dan, thanking the people that were on his side that night when she didn't ask for his identification. When reaching Jenny's room, the lights were off, the soft glow of the television reflected on her sleeping face. The room was empty, no sign of Dan or Rufus. He opened the door slowly, creeping inside.

"Nate?" He jumped, noticing Bex sitting in the chair close to the wall. She stood, walking over to him. "Don't give up on her." Was the last thing she said before leaving the room.

He moved towards her, reaching out to touch her face, but decided against it. "Jenny," he called into the dark room until she awoke.

Jenny stared at him, the person she missed more than anyone standing so close to her. She sat up slowly, turning the light on next to her, making sure she wasn't dreaming. "What are you doing here?"

She didn't sound angry or hurt, just confused. He moved closer, starting to sit down in the bed, but she stopped him, extending her hand. It was then that she remembered why she didn't want to see him. "I need to talk to you."

She shook her head. "No, you need to leave."

"Jenny," he moved closer, but she moved back on the bed, shaking her head madly, wanting him to stay away.

"Stay away from me," she snapped loudly. "I hate you."

"Jenny, I love you," he declared, running a hand through his hair. "...and I'm not just saying this because of what happened. I've loved you before this."

Jenny shook her head, covering her ears with the palms of her hand. "Don't say that!"

"Jenny, what did I do?" Nate asked. Nothing was making sense to him. Hearing the words come from Jenny's mouth was like a fierce blow to the chest, knocking the wind from his lungs.

There were tears forming in her eyes as she watched him. He looked liked hell. He was still wearing the same suit he wore to the dance, now wrinkled. His eyes were red, face sticky from crying. "Why did you lie to me?"

Nate moved forward sitting next to her, and this time she didn't stop him. "Jenny, I have been nothing but honest with you."

She looked up at him, pulling the loose strands of hair behind her ears. "Why didn't you tell me you still talked to her?"

He was confused, not knowing what she was talking about. "Who?"

Jenny sniffled, wiping the tears from her cheeks as more fell. "Vanessa," her voice barely a whisper.

Nate touched her face, brushing away some of the tears with the pad of his thumb. "This is about Vanessa?"

She nodded, leaning her face into his touch. She missed the feeling of his skin against hers, no matter where he touched her. "She said that you still talked to her, and she showed me all these text messages from you."

He groaned. "Jenny, I admit that I've talked to Vanessa since we broke up, but it was one sided. She was the one texting me all the time." He pulled out his cellphone, handing it to her.

Jenny scrolled through the text messages, seeing Vanessa's message about them getting back together, then Nate's quick reply, no love, no emotion, telling her it was over between the two of them. A tear fell onto the screen, the realization of what happened crashing down on her. She'd doubted Nate, told her she hated him all for nothing, because he just confirmed what her heart was trying to tell her all along. She loved Nate and he loved her; they loved each other, and no one could break them apart.

"I love you," he pulled her close to him, burying his face in her head, inhaling her familiar scent.

"I love you, too," she cried, hearing the words come from his mouth again. He pulled away, kissing her lips softly, yet passionately.

"No more secrets," Nate promised.

Jenny pulled away from him, knowing at that moment what she needed to say. Pulling up the hospital gown, she reveled to him the cigar burn that Agnes found on her side, the one she told her friend was nothing. But it was something, permanent damage done by her father.

"Jenny, what-."

She placed his hand on the burnt flesh. "I have to tell you something."


	13. Thirteen: I Will Be

**A/N:** Thank you all so much for the wonderful reviews/feedback! They all mean so much to me. This story is coming to an end very soon, and I am so sad about it! I have been having an amazing time with it, and all of you are just really amazing when it comes to being readers. Your reviews always put a smile on my face. Anyway, here is the chapter, and I really hope you all like it :)

Thanks so much to my beta Jenna {**_chngingx3lanes** at LiveJournal}

xoxo, Alex

* * *

**Chapter Thirteen – I Will Be**

_There's nothing I could say to you  
Nothing I could ever do to make you see  
What you mean to me  
All the pain, the tears I cried  
Still you never said goodbye and now I know  
How far you'd go_

_I know I let you down but it's not like that now  
This time I'll never let you go_

_I will be all that you want and get myself together  
'Cause you keep me from falling apart  
All my life, I'll be with you forever  
To get you through the day and make everything okay_

He stared blankly at the round medium sized burn on her side; the burnt flesh looked as if it still stung. He reached out, placing his hand on the permanent mark. It felt fleshy under his fingertips, like it was fresh. She needed to tell him something, and he was guessing it was related to the burn she just showed him. Placing his hand away from her side, he looked into her eyes, searching for answers; he found nothing. She was struggling, holding back whatever it was she wanted to say to him, more than likely afraid of his reaction. Nate placed his hand on her face, stroking her cheek with the pad of his thumb, soothing her. He stared into her cobalt blue eyes, waiting for her to begin.

When she didn't say anything, Nate spoke, "Jenny, what do you need to tell me?"

A fresh coat of tears laced her eyes, but she wiped them away quickly. "I, uh, I need to tell you about where I came from." Nate sat further on the bed, facing Jenny, the two of them holding hands. Jenny looked away from him, avoiding all types of eye contact.

"When I was ten, my father's business started struggling, the next year it went bankrupt. He was really angry. I mean, he worked his whole life trying to start that business and he just failed." She let go of his hand, nervously tucking a clump of hair behind one ear.

Michael Humphrey spent his entire life living in the shadow of his older and much more talented brother, Rufus. His brother was everything he wasn't: talented, popular with both the girls and boys at their schools growing up, and their parents believed in him more. Michael was thrilled when he married before Rufus, although his brother was graced with a child before him. But Michael never let it get him down. He went to college, working on a business plan to start his own company; and he did. The business was his baby, the one great achievement he held over his brother. He put everything he had into that business. When it went bankrupt, he snapped, depression taking over him.

"I'm so sorry," Nate apologized although he had no reason to. It just felt like the right thing to say. He waited patiently for her to continue.

"After his business failed, my father started to change," Jenny explained, her voice low, tight with sadness. "…he just wasn't my dad anymore. He started drinking a lot more than usual."

Sensing where the conversation was going, Nate piped in, "…he became an alcoholic."

The tears were starting to fall now. It was the first time she'd said this aloud since after the accident in the office of Susan Boyd. It was easier then, telling her past to a stranger, someone she never had to see again outside of the office. But here, in front of the boy she loved, it was hard. It was hard to tell him of the struggle she faced, the things that happened to her before him, St. Jude's & Constance Billard, and the new life she lived.

But this was what she wanted. She'd coached herself into doing this long before she relapsed. Taking a deep breath, she continued, "…he became abusive. It was only towards my mother at first, and I didn't see it the first time. I would only hear them and see her covering the bruises in the morning before she went to work."

She thought back to the very first time her mother and father argued since the company started going bankrupt. She'd just gotten back from spending the weekend in Manhattan with her Uncle Rufus and Cousin Dan. Jenny remembered the wonderful time she spent with them, the laughs and jokes they shared. Even back then, Jenny loved spending time with her uncle and cousin, and it felt great to be away from her house after all the sadness surrounding her father's current situation. When she returned home that night, walking into the apartment they were in the mist of moving out of, Jenny walked in on her parents arguing. Her father was sitting on the couch, scotch in hand, while her mother stood in front of the television, hands on her hips. When ever her parents did fight, they always tried to keep it from her, lowering their voices or going to the farthest part of the apartment away from her. But now that her father went bankrupt, they never seemed to care about her feelings. They fought in front of Jenny not caring of the damage it would cause. That night after visiting her cousin and uncle, Jenny went into her room, trying to focus on the homework on her desk, but the voices of her parents became so loud, she gave up, pressing her ear to the door and listening to them.

Her father sounded angry, his drunken screams pounding against her bedroom door. But before she even knew it, her father's hand collided with the side of her mother's face, cracking the skin. It all felt so loud, so close, that Jenny stepped back from the wooden door, stumbling back as if she'd been slapped.

"Jenny." He brought her back to reality. The last thing Nate wanted to do was push her into telling him the rest of the story, but he knew she'd feel much better after doing so.

"I never asked her about it. I never tried to make it stop. I just hid, not saying a word." Most people in her situation would have asked questions, the mother's reassuring their children that everything was going to be alright, but no one did that for Jenny. She just went on as if nothing happened, as if her father hitting her mother wasn't wrong. "...my mom didn't say anything either. She just let it all happen."

At the age of seven, Marci Cook-now Humphrey-witnessed her mother being abused by her father. It was a common thing between the two of them, like an unspoken deal. He would hit her, she took it and said nothing. It was the way Marci was raised, so when her husband hit her for the first time, she took it and said nothing, just like her mother all those years back when she was a young girl. Her mother never comforted her, came to tell her that abuse was wrong. Instead, she covered the bruise, going on about their everyday lives. Marci believed that was the way all husband and wives communicated, their children just having to deal with it, too. Marci said nothing to her own daughter, following the exact same path as her mother.

It was easy for Jenny to tell him about her parents, but the next part was hard, venturing into a place that was all about her. "I was thirteen when he first hit me. My friend, Kami, thought it would be a good idea if I were to dye my hair blond. I remember my dad coming into the bathroom, and being really upset."

She glanced towards Nate, the anger on his face shining through the dimly-lit room. Jenny placed a hand on the left side of her neck, tilting her head to the side. "...he ordered Kami to go home, and that's when he yelled at me. He told me that I was a 'shame' to the family, that I was being influenced badly by my friends." She didn't go into the gory details, shying away from the actual beating she'd received, letting Nate figure out the rest for himself.

Looking at her, the girl he loved so much, Nate couldn't believe that she'd ever been abused, let alone by her own father. It made him sick, wanting to find the son of a bitch and beat him to a pulp. "…that's when the cutting started. It helped me, a lot, or so I thought. But whenever I was in that place, everything else just went away. My mom and my dad didn't fight and life was back to the way it was before. I used to hide it, but after everyone at school found out, I stopped. I embraced it and ultimately let it take over my life."

Nate wiped the pad of his thumb across the small tears that escaped. She smiled weakly at him, gracious of his prescense. "...I was going to tell you the night of the dance, about my...problem, but then Vanessa came, and she said those things."

He pulled her close, her head resting on his chest. He smelled of stale beer and peanuts, but Jenny didn't care. She wrapped her arms around him, crying loudly. Jenny just wanted to be in his arms, feel him comforting her. "Don't think about her, she's not worth it."

Jenny pulled away, wiping the water from her eyes. "I wish someone would have told me that months back."

"What do you mean?" Nate asked, pressing his forehead against hers.

"There is a reason story behind how I got here." She kissed the tip of his nose, his cheek, his ear, and then his other cheek. "If it wasn't for Dan and my uncle, I never would have gotten out the situation I was in."

"You don't have to tell me the story if you don't want to," Nate reassured her.

Jenny nodded her head. "But I want to tell you. If I don't, I'll probably hate myself." She sat up straighter, wrapping her arms and legs around him. "Five months before I started school at SJCB, I went to visit Dan and my uncle. The school was having some kind of holiday."

Nate intertwined their finger. "I was supposed to come home with him that weekend for your uncle's concert, but my mom asked me to come and visit her."

Jenny smiled. Maybe her life would have turned out a little bit differently if Nate would have came with Dan that weekend, their relationship taking a different path. "Well, my friend Kami came along with me. She was my best friend, and we did everything together. Kami was still my friend even after the entire school found out about my cutting."

"There was this guy, Asher, and I'd known him for a while from previous visits. We would talk and laugh. I sort of had a small crush on him." Jenny kissed the jealous pout away from his lips. "He invited Kami and me to a party at his house after the concert. I was so excited."

Asher Hornsby was a boy Jenny met a while back, when visiting Rufus and Dan. He'd lived in the penthouse below theirs, meeting him one day on the elevator. They'd hit it off right then, becoming really close friends. Of course Jenny was hoping for it to turn into something more, maybe even a real relationship. Every time she would see Asher, Jenny would get weak in the knees, her head spinning just from the sight of him. He was everything Jenny thought she wanted in her first boyfriend: smart, handsome, and incredibly nice to her. When he invited her and Kami to his house that night, Jenny told herself that this would be the night she and Asher became something more.

"…the party was amazing! I'd never seen anything like it before," Jenny reminisced, remembering lavish penthouse filled with rich teenagers like Asher, drinking, laughing, and making out where ever they wanted. She felt so out of place that night, unlike Kami, who seemed to fit right in, doing shots, and kissing random guys.

"Asher asked me if I wanted to go upstairs with him and play some pool. We played for a really long time, just laughing and talking. Just getting to know each other more. Then, Kami came upstairs with one of Asher's friends. She was wasted by this point, but even when she was drunk, Kami knew what she was doing. It was all apart of some 'plan' she had," Jenny remembered her friend's words.

She finished the story for Nate, telling him about the pool game the four of them played, the flirty comments Kami would throw in Asher's directions. There were even times when she would rub up against him, swaying her body in a seductive way to gain his attention. Jenny told him the next part, how she'd gone back down stairs with Asher's friend to get a bottle of water for Kami and use the bathroom. Because Asher was too drunk to show her where either one was, his friend volunteered to show her. While the two of them were down stairs, Asher's friend started to touch her in ways that made her terribly uncomfortable. She pushed the boy away, finding her way back upstairs to where she'd left Kami. Jenny was going to grab her friend and return to her uncle's penthouse, until she found them.

"She knew that I liked him. I'd told her a thousand times, but that didn't stop her from sleeping with him," Jenny said sadly, wiping the stray tear from her right eye.

Kami had always been there for Jenny, the one person she could turn to when times were hard, but she betrayed her by sleeping with the one and only boy she'd ever liked at that time. Jenny was so hurt by her only friend's betrayal, she bolted from the room, them hearing her of course, and out of the penthouse.

"I felt so lousy after it happened. I didn't even wanna go back to my uncle's place, so I took the subway back home, which was a big mistake. My father was drinking like always and he and my mother were fighting," Jenny explained. She hadn't even gone inside the apartment that night to know that her parents were fighting. She could hear them from inside the hallway, the shatter of a beer bottle smashing against the wall. After leaving her parents, Jenny walked all night back into Manhattan, not caring of the dangers that would happen to her being all alone. She just walked, head down tears streaming down her face.

"When I got to my uncle's penthouse, Amelia, his maid, told me that he and Dan went out looking for me and Kami." But Jenny barely heard the maid as she walked passed her upstairs and into the bathroom. There was a part of Jenny that wanted to die, the part that was tired of the life she was living, the hurt she suffered trough everyday. But the other part of herself told Jenny what she was about to do was wrong, that in a matter of days life would heal and she'd be handed the greatest gift of all. Ultimately, Jenny ignored the second half, giving into the temptation. There was glass everywhere around the bathroom when Dan and Rufus found her, the blood staining the floor, along with Jenny's long-sleeved shirt. Nate knew the rest of the story, so she stopped there, looking up into his eyes, awaiting his reaction.

He pulled her close to him. "I will never, ever, hurt you like that."

It was at that moment, the lyrics to her uncle's song came rushing into her head: 'My blue eyed girl gone tell the world your problem now, don't be scared, I'll save you from this hell.' Nate was making the commitment just like her uncle all those months back, only this time the format was different. He was saying this to her, rather than the world, a secret just between the two of them.

Jenny leaned towards him, capturing his mouth with hers. The kiss was soft, loving, a kiss they'd never shared before together let alone with anyone else; it was all there own, just like Nate's promise.

* * *

"I still can't believe you told Nate you hated him." Eric laughed his high pitched laugh. He was sitting at the end of Jenny's hospital bed, staring at her from the head of it. He'd come from home that afternoon during the scheduled visiting hours. He'd been there nearly two hours, listening as she Jenny recapped him on the situation that went down yesterday.

"Well, I did at the time." Jenny defended herself, kicking at her friend's knee, but he quickly moved it away from her. "…but I also told him I loved him."

He smiled. "How long are they going to keep you?"

Jenny shrugged, smoothing her hands down the bed sheet. "I don't know. Not long, I guess."

"I'm proud of you, Jenny." He told her honestly, leaning back on his hands. He was happy to know that Jenny was in a better mood after her relapse. Eric never once judged her for it, not even after she'd told him the reason behind it. He'd thought about relapsing many of times, and at one point the almost did if it wasn't for his sister, Serena.

"For what?" she asked, curiously. She hadn't done much for him to proud of her, just realized the truth that Nate really did love her.

"For bouncing back so quickly like you did," he explained. Eric admired the strength Jenny seemed to have after her relapse. She wasn't letting it consumer her life most people would, falling back into their old ways. Instead, she was up and about, living life the way she normally would.

"Trust me, Eric, it hasn't been easy," Jenny admitted, remembering the battle inside her head between the two voices, the sad night where all she wanted to do was die. It had all been hard for Jenny, not knowing how to break free from it all. "…but maybe I'm doing so good because I told Nate about my parents."

"I still don't see how you told him all of that. I would have been terrified." Eric proclaimed. He wasn't as strong as Jenny, keeping most of his feeling bottled up when it came to the people in his life.

"I just really wanted to tell him," Jenny explained, remembering the conversation she and Nate shared late last night. "…I needed to share that with him."

Eric nodded in agreement before a smile graced his lips. "I have a surprise for you." He stood from the bed, walking towards the door, knocking on it twice.

"Wha-" She was cut off however, the door swinging open, revealing the one person she never expected to see again. Jenny covered her mouth with both hands, surprised.

Agnes Sparks strutted into the room, her long mahogany waves flowing behind her. She looked the same as before leaving school, just minor changes to her face and wardrobe. Agnes did a spin around the room, imitating her best model walk. Jenny and Eric laughed at their friend, clapping and cheering once she was done.

"Thank you, thank you." Agnes bowed, kissing her hand and waving it into the air like the diva she was. Once the fun was over, she stared at Jenny, trying her best not to cry. She really missed her friend.

Jenny extended her arms, the two girls embracing one another in a tight bear hug. "You look good."

"I look like hell." Agnes laughed at her friends words, sitting down on the bed. Jenny tucked a loose strand of hair behind one ear. "What are you doing back here anyway?"

Agnes laughed in disbelief. "How heartless do you think I am? You're my best friend, Jenny, of course I was going to come and see you."

She smiled brightly, thankful of her friend's presents. Jenny loved her uncle and Dan, but there was nothing better than having friends. "Aw, thank you, Aggie."

The mahogany haired girl scoffed, hating the nickname her friend bestowed on her. "You're welcome, Jen."

"It's this just the sweetest reunion." Eric plopped down on the bed between them, shaking the mattress. The three of them laughed, joining in on a group hug.

"You got that right, Erie," both Jenny and Agnes giggled the last part together, inducting Eric into their hated nickname hall of fame. Eric laughed with them, their happiness surrounding the air, helping Jenny to forget all about her relapse.

When the laughter subsided, Agnes told them stories about her modeling trips, the photo shoots she'd booked, and the French heir she'd met while in the beautiful city of Paris. Eric and Jenny laughed every time Agnes told a funny story about her mother or the crazy things the photographers would say to her while taking the pictures. Jenny realized then just how much she'd missed her roommate and friend. Things just weren't the same when Agnes wasn't around. She made situations more light, funny almost. She didn't make a big deal out of Jenny's relapse, nor did she criticize her reasons for doing so. Agnes just nodded, listened, and stated her opinion that always seemed to be just what the person wanted to hear. She was a good friend to Jenny in that way, the one person besides Eric that would never look at her differently as before.

Jenny and Eric told Agnes their school stories, the recent Gossip Girl blast that involved other people. Agnes squealed with delight when she heard how Jenny and Nate became a couple, telling Jenny that she was right all along about the two of them belonging together. Stories about the dance flew around, Jenny describing to Agnes the dress she'd designed all by herself. They continued with their stories, not even realizing the snowfall just outside the window as it began to get thicker, presenting the winter season to all of New York. It didn't matter to them what was going on outside of those walls, the three of them, friends, living in the moment.

When visiting hours were over, Agnes and Eric left, saying a thousand 'goodbyes' to Jenny before heading out of the room. Bex stayed with Jenny for a while, filling Jenny in on the news of her uncle's up-coming summer tour around the country. Dan apologized to both Nate and Jenny for his behavior the day before, explaining that he was just frustrated. He and Nate returned to being friends just like before. Chuck and Blair sent flowers from France, the two of them staying with Blair's father at his Vineyard. There was a note from Blair, something personal, telling Jenny that she wasn't the only one with a "problem". Jenny was gracious for the letter, Blair's kind words filling her with peace. Serena was the last to come by, the two of them talking about Jenny's next design. Jenny was gracious for the people in her life, and although she couldn't define herself in a single word, she knew a word to describe those people around her were; family. And for the first time in her life, she knew what it actually meant to have one.

She was sitting on the windowsill when Nate walked in. He was wearing a fresh change of clothes, the hair gone from his face, smiling. "Hey."

He kissed the to of her head, sitting in front of her on the window. Jenny smiled at him. "Hi. I thought visiting hours were over."

"Yeah, well, the nurse thinks I'm your cousin," Nate laughed along with Jenny. "I missed you."

Jenny blushed, leaning forward to kiss the tip of his nose. "I missed you more."

Nate pressed kissed her lips, whispering softly, "Impossible."

She giggled against his mouth, wrapping her arms around his neck, pulling Nate closer to her. "I love you so much."

"I love you more than you'll ever know." He pulled her into his lap, her back pressed into his, nuzzling his nose into her neck. Suddenly remembering the reason he'd come to see her besides the obvious, Nate placed Jenny back in her previous spot, pulling an object from his pocket. "I have something for you."

Jenny eyed him curiously, wondering what he possibly could have for her. "What is it? An early Christmas present?"

Nate shook his head, answering both if her questions. He revealed to her, a small pink phone with clear rhinestones on the back in the shape of the letter 'J'. When she saw the phone, Jenny gasped. It was the one she'd lost months back. "Where did you find this?"

He handed over the phone to her. "I kind of kept it all this time." Nate remembered back to the night he'd found Jenny's phone on the floor near his bed.

"Since when?" she looked up at him and asked. Jenny remembered losing it after Vanessa first arrived, when she and Nate were still together.

"Since the night we first kissed." Jenny blushed, a happy smile gracing her lips. She was relived to see that Nate thought of it as the night they first kissed, rather than the night Vanessa came to visit him at school. "You left it and I kind of kept it. It just seems right that you have it back."

Jenny threw her arms around him, pressing her lips to his hardly. "Thank you." Nate kissed her back, his hands gripping at her hips, as he pulled her into his lap.

When breaking away, Jenny glanced towards the window, the snow falling heavily on the other side. It made her think back to the school dance, how she and Nate never got a chance to dance to a slow song. In that moment, it seemed like the perfect opportunity. She stood up from his lap, extending her hand to him.

"What?" Nate asked confused, taking her small hand in his, standing up.

"Will you dance with me?" she asked him with a smile. Nate complied, pulling her close to him, moving softly with her.

It didn't matter that their was no music, the two of them not looking their best, or that they were inside of a hospital room. All that mattered was the two of them, living in the moment, something Jenny never allowed herself to do before meeting him. Outside, the snow fell from above, people bustling their way through the streets preparing for the Christmas holiday, their lives different from Jenny's in everyway. But there was one similar aspect the happy people of New York and Jenny shared. At that moment, they were all happy, anticipating being with the ones they loved the most, and there in Nate's arms, no danger coming her way, Jenny understood what it was like to be apart of a family in the Christmas holiday. It didn't matter that throughout all the year you hated one another, all that mattered was that moment, in that place. Jenny realized that the holidays weren't dark and sad. It was something normal; natural and delightful.


	14. Fourteen: Moments That Matter

**Chapter Fourteen - Moments That Matter**

_Looking back on the photo album of my life  
It's the little things that make us smile  
Like very first time that you discovered true love  
It's a feeling you can't describe  
But it always stays on your mind  
Or the first time you hear a song on the radio  
That gives you goose bumps all over from head to toe_

_Or the time you stayed up all night talking on the phone  
And you looked up and realize she's staring at the same star as you  
That's what gets me sentimental  
That's what life's all about_

_That's what gets me all emotional  
Bothered with all the things I can do without  
'Cause I figured out these are the moments that matter  
And I figured out, that these are the moments that mean the most to me  
'Cause I know I got friends, trust, family, and love_

The smell of pine filled the nose of Jenny Humphrey the moment she stepped out of her uncle's overpriced car. The aroma was strong and potent around her, preventing her from smelling her own perfume which she'd put on that morning for the occasion. Dan was standing beside her, wiping the sleep-crust away from his brown eyes, mouth open to let out a yawn. Bex looked dead on her feet, dark hair piled on top of her head. The two of them were groaning and complaining, furious at Rufus for awakening them from deep sleeps so early in the day. Rufus had awoken everyone up bright and early that morning, insisting they drive into the countryside of New York to pick up a real Christmas tree. But while her cousin and soon-to-be aunt were complaining, Jenny was loving the idea of picking out their own tree. It was something she'd never done with her father and mother in the past, and Rufus was happy to fulfill the experience she'd never gotten. It wasn't like her uncle to pick out his own Christmas tree, having people do the task for him, but this year was different.

Three days prior, Jenny was released from the hospital. Rufus decided on the decision of not returning her to the previous rehabilitation center she attended after her last trip to the hospital. Instead, Jenny was to stay with him and Bex in the city, completing the rest of the school year away from SJCB. Jenny was upset at first, not wanting to spend the rest of her days away from Nate, Eric, and Agnes. But after a long talk with her therapist, Susan Boyd, Jenny saw the reason for the change. She wasn't ready to be trusted backing into the world her peers. Their comments about her would not doubt send her back into a relapse. All of her friends and Nate were supportive of the idea, deciding that it was best for Jenny. She needed to be in an environment that was less crowded, a place where she could be herself after the accident, without judgment.

Jenny knew that she was going to hate being separated form Nate the most, the two of them spending every waking hour together since departing for the Christmas holiday. Nate was currently spending the holidays with his mother, Anne, at her house in the Hampton. Jenny was a bit sad when he told her of his plan, knowing that was going to miss him terribly. But she also knew that he hadn't seen his mother in a long time, the time spend with her would be a good thing for him. So Jenny put on her bravest face, trying not to be selfish as she encouraged him to spend Christmas with his mother. Nate agreed to her that he would come back for Rufus's New Years concert, not wanting her to miss out on a chance to kiss him at midnight.

"Alright, everybody, let the tree hunting begin." Rufus clapped his gloved clad hands together, a wide smile on his face. He was enjoying the sudden tradition more than anyone. "We split into teams. Jenny and Dan against Bex and I."

Jenny raised her hand into the air. "What do the winners get?" She bounced on the balls of her feet, anticipating the response.

If possible, the smile on Rufus' face grew wider. He rubbed the stubble on his chin, thinking of a good prize for the wining team. "…the winning team will get to choose everyone's outfits for this years Christmas card."

Dan yawned loudly, totally uninterested. "Since when do we take pictures for Christmas cards?"

Rufus rolled his eyes, shaking his head. "Since now." He gave Dan 'the look', which meant he wasn't allowed to question him further on the sudden decision he'd made.

"I like the idea, Uncle Rufus." Jenny beamed, honestly. She loved the idea of sending out family Christmas cards, wearing matching outfits. It seemed so normal, and normal was what Jenny was aiming for in the new year.

After going over the rules of the game, Rufus grabbed Bex's hand saying, "Let the games began." With that, he was off into the pine.

Jenny grabbed her cousins arm, dragging him further into the lot of trees. She scanned the rows, looking for the perfect tree. She could remember the one her mother use to order from the catalogue, but those were always artificial due to her father's allergies. Which didn't help her in the current situation she was in. Looking over at Dan, his eyes halfway closed, she sighed, knowing he wouldn't be any help.

"Are you going to help me look at all?" Jenny wondered, turning slightly to look at his face. Dan wiped his eyes of sleep, shaking his head softly. He was in no condition to help anyone.

"Jenny, I really don't want to do this." She crossed her arms over the front of her sweater, glaring at him. This was suppose to be a fun family activity, and Dan was bringing her down.

Jenny threw her hands into the air, letting out a sigh of frustration, before stopping off away from her joy-kill cousin. Dan trailed behind her, not wanting to fall out from sleep without having a family member close by. He really wanted to help Jenny find the perfect tree, but the sleep he'd been deprived of for the past couple days wouldn't let him. When they crossed paths with Bex and Rufus, it looked as though they were having the same problem. Bex sleepwalked next to Rufus, while he tried to keep her from falling to the ground.

"Uncle Rufus, I demand a partner switch!" Jenny stomped her foot, pointing towards Dan.

Without hesitation, Rufus let go of Bex. "I agree." He grabbed a hold of Jenny's arm, the two of the walking away from their sleepy tree picking partners.

Once they were gone, Dan turned to Bex. "Wanna go get back in the car and sleep?" Bex held up Rufus' keys, jingling them, before leading the way to the car.

It had been a while since she'd had a normal Christmas, temporarily making her forget what the holiday was all about. It was a bout something more than just presents. It was the birth of something great, something special. It was a time for families to come together, engrave traditions into their world, keeping them until the end of time. Because of the demise of her family, Jenny had forgotten about everything that involved the holiday. It used to be just another day to her, trying to dodge the furious blows of her father's fist, huddling in a small blanket to keep the freezing cold at bay. But this year was different, this year she had people in her life that cared for deeply. This year, Jenny was going to make the most of it, enable traditions she'd never been apart of.

Jenny spent the rest of the tree hunting mission with Rufus, looking for the perfect tree to fit inside of the penthouse. They were unsuccessful for a while, finding ones that were either too big, too small, too green, too brown, too spikey, the list of imperfections getting longer and longer. But just when Rufus was ready to give up, have one of his assistants find a tree, Jenny gasped. She'd spotted the perfect tree, it's green leaves succulent and bright. It was the perfect size to fit inside of the penthouse, tall, but not enough to overpower the rest of the room. Rufus immediately snatched up the tree, paying more than he usually would for it.

The moment they arrived home, Amelia had set out ornaments, different shapes, sizes, colors, and style for them to put on the tree. Dan and Bex rushed towards their room, leaving Jenny and Rufus to decorate the tree, giving them a chance to bond. Rufus wanted them all to makeup the tree together as a family, but he was more than happy to spend the time alone with Jenny, the two of them catching up on all the time they'd missed together. After being placed in the right spot-in front of the big window in the living room next to the fire place-and trimmed, Jenny and Rufus began placing items on the tree.

Rufus picked up a silver glass ornament, placing it on his side of the three. "So, how are things with you and Nate?"

Jenny glanced at her uncle, picking up a blue round ornament. Ever since she and Nate began dating, her uncle finding out, he'd never asked about their relationship, until now. "Good. I can't wait to see him on New Years."

She waited patiently for Rufus to speak, eyeing him curiously. She was glad he'd asked about her relationship, but it was still uncomfortable. Rufus placed another ornament on the tree, thinking of another direction in which he could take the conversation. There were some things he wanted to know about Jenny, and how her love life was going with a boy older than her was not on the list. The overprotective father in him was surfacing, an emotion that only came around when he'd first found out about Jenny's first boyfriend and that day at the hospital, when he'd ask Nate to leave.

"I'm glad that you're happy with Nate," Rufus smiled, throwing the empty box that was once filled with ornaments into the trash.

Jenny smiled, tucking a clump of hair behind one ear, before placing anther ornament on the tree. "Thanks, Uncle Rufus."

He smiled back, sitting down on the couch, admiring the progress they'd made. "Are the two of you going to exchange gifts?"

She sat down next to him, pulling her legs up to her chest, hugging them. "Yeah, but I don't know what to get him."

"I can help you," Rufus offered, running hand over his dark brown hair. "…I am after all, a male, like Nate."

Jenny laughed, swatting her uncle on the arm. "Yeah, but he is so much younger than you."

Rufus' jaw dropped, hand over his chest as if was hurt. The playfulness in his eyes told Jenny it was all an act. "Are you calling me old?"

She placed a hand on her hip, standing her ground. "If the orthopedic shoes fit, grandpa." She giggled, waiting for his comeback.

He nodded, rubbing hand down his scruffy face. Without warning, he lunged towards Jenny, tickling her sides, making her giggle with delight. It was a moment she'd never shared with her own father, the love he was never able to give to her. But with Rufus it was natural, their love for each other obvious to one another and the people around them. She was his blue-eyed girl and he was her savior, the one person besides Nate that pledged never to hurt her like the people she'd left in her past life.

* * *

Jenny stood on the sidelines of the party with Eric and Agnes, watching as the parental units of the Upper East Side made fools of themselves, downing multiple glasses of champagne. It was Christmas day, and everyone was gathered at the home of Lily and Bart Bass, Upper East Side's most powerful adult couple. When arriving to the party, Jenny said her 'hellos' to the couple, before Lily pointed her in the direction of Eric's bedroom. When Jenny arrived at her friend's door, she pushed it open softly, waiting until he was done with his phone conversation with Madison to make her appearance known. Eric was happy to see her, his smile bright, the two of them embracing in a tight friendly hug. The two of them spent have the party up in Eric's room, talking about the upcoming school year, how much fun they'll have as juniors. Eric showed Jenny his music and book selection, the two of them comparing favorites. After a while, Agnes popped into the room, her long mahogany hair bunched up on the top of her head.

After spending so much time in Eric's room, the trio became hungry, joining the party for food. Agnes somehow got them an invite into the kitchen, the three of them eating hot and fresh roll from the oven, talking randomly with the serving staff. One of the waiters, a twenty year old college student, recognized Agnes from her clothing ads, telling her that he was a huge fan. Agnes ended up signing his white shirt, forcing him to go into a sea of rich people with her name written in sharpie marker on his back. They laughed every time he walked past them. Jenny was having a great time with her friends, happy that they were in her life, as well as her family.

Earlier in the day, Jenny and the fest of her family exchanged gifts. For the ones she loved, Jenny gave Rufus a new leather jacket, the one he'd been wearing ragged and old. She wanted him to go into the new year with a new look. Rufus graciously accepted the gift. For Dan, she gave him book filled with all of his favorite writers, their most famous work of their lifetime. Dan was overexcited about his gift, giving Jenny a big hug. For Bex, she gave her a one of a kind, Jenny Humphrey design. Bex was jubilant, telling Jenny that she loved the halter shaped, black satin dress. Jenny was overjoyed that her family loved the gifts she'd gotten them, with Nate's help of course.

Jenny herself received a diamond charm bracelet from Rufus. He'd promised that every time a song of his reached the top of the charts, he would add a charm. So far, Jenny had one, a small gold microphone, representing the song he'd already made a hit because of her influence. Jenny smiled at the gift, never receiving anything like it. From Dan, she received four new sketch books for her designs, complete with a set of different types of drawing utensils and sample fabrics. Jenny loved the gift, telling Dan he was the best. Bex gave her a new sewing machine with new 23 sewing patterns as the one she'd brought last month with Serena. Jenny was gracious for all of the gifts she'd received that morning from her family. She'd never been apart of anything like she had that morning. Even before her father's business went under, he was always too busy in the past to care about Christmas morning, while her mother simply went own as if it were a normal day.

"What time is it?" Agnes turned towards Eric. He glanced at his watch, telling her the time. It was almost midnight. "You wanna do the gift exchange now?"

"Yeah," Jenny nodded, following Eric and Agnes back upstairs. At the beginning of the week, the three of them made a deal to get each other a gift, exchanging them at midnight. Once in Eric's room, they each sat down on the bed, getting ready.

"I have a suggestion," Agnes piped in, holding both of the presents she'd brought for Jenny and Eric in her lap. "Before we give a person their gift, you have to say one thing you like about the person."

"…and something you don't like about the person," Eric added, a playful smile. Both girls nodded in agreement. "Agnes, you go first."

She handed a small silver box to Jenny. "I like that you don't judge me for the things I do." She opened the box, reveling a diamond pair of earrings.

"Thank you, A." Agnes and Jenny hugged. She ran a hand over the diamond, a smile on her face. "Now, what don't you like about me?"

Agnes groaned, throwing her head back. "I don't like that you have no idea how strong you are, because you're the strongest person I know." The girls hugged again, a tear escaping Jenny's eye.

"Alright, alright, it's my turn now." Eric announced, waiting for Agnes to reveal his gift.

"Eric, I like how you're always there for me and Jenny no matter what." She handed him a blue box. He opened it, revealing a watch, with matching cufflinks. The pair hugged. "I don't like how you hide your light. You tend to shy away from who you really are."

He nodded, while Jenny brought forward her gifts. She handed a small red box to Agnes. "I like how you're always able to make me laugh when I'm feeling low."

Agnes opened the box, reveling a silver charm bracelet with a skull and crossbones. "It's just like yours." She lifted it from the box, letting Eric clamp it onto her wrist.

Jenny smiled, holding up her arm, showing Agnes her own bracelet. "Now we match." The girls hugged, wiping away each other's joyful tears. "…and I don't like how you let your sister walk over you."

Agnes nodded. "Me either." She tucked a strand of hair behind one ear, a sad smile on her face. Eric patted her shoulder, sympathetically, before taking the present Jenny handed him. He opened the box, a smile on his face. It was a framed picture of the two of them, holding the self-help books they'd gotten from group therapy.

"I like that you're always there for me, especially when I'm being a baby." Jenny smiled, smacking her friend on the shoulder. "...and I don't like how you never share things with me."

Eric reached behind him, grabbing the two gift bags off of the floor. He handed the red one to Jenny. "I like that you're not one of those girls that ditch her friends for her boyfriend." The three of them laughed, Jenny smacking Eric upside of the head. Once the laughter died down, he continued, "...and I don't like how you don't give yourself enough credit. You're a really strong person, Jenny."

He handed Jenny her present. It was a picture of the three of them under their favorite tree at school. Below the picture, it said: 'The Best of Times'. Jenny glanced at both of friends. She was more than lucky to have them in her life. "I love you, guys."

Agnes smiled, patting Jenny's hair. She turned her attention to Eric, holding her hands out. He handed her the bag. Inside was a framed picture of herself, the first International print ad she'd ever done. It had been a while since she'd seen it. "I like that you're the most original person I've ever met."

She lunged forward, hugging him tightly to her. "Thank you!" Jenny smiled at her friends, joyful of how they all got along with one another.

"Alright, now for the bad part," Eric laughed playfully. He looked Agnes in the eyes. "I agree with Jenny. I don't like how you let Georgina treat you."

The three of them sat for a while, processing the truth of each other's words, trying to figure out what was next. Jenny appreciated their opinion, but there was just something inside of her that had a hard time believing that she was a strong person. All her life she considered herself to be different things, but none of them ever stuck, always dissolving in a matter of days. To think of herself as a strong willed person was impossible. In her mind, she hadn't done anything that she consider to make her a strong person. Sure she'd gotten over a horrible thing that happened to her, but that was all because of the help of her friends and family.

"Oh my effing god!" Agnes shrieked, running towards Eric's bedroom door, startling her friends. Without word, she ran out the door, forcing Eric and Jenny to follow after her. She ran through the party of people, Jenny and Eric catching up with her just in time to ride the elevator down to the lobby.

"Agnes, what the hell is going on with you?" Eric yelled after her, the three of the running out of the lobby doors.

Agnes ran towards the street, twirling around with her hands in the hair. "It's snowing!" she screamed into the air.

Jenny and Eric looked up at the sky, noticing for the first time that they were covered in falling snow. The day after she'd been released from the hospital, it had stopped snowing, the weathermen and woman claiming it would be the last of it, but looking into the sky it was clear to see that they were wrong. Eric and Jenny glanced at each other, before running to join their friend, dancing and laughing in the freezing cold.

"You know what this means, right?" Agnes turned to them. Eric and Jenny shook their heads. "In a couple days it will be a new year, marking a new us, and everything we hate about ourselves can change."

And she was right. In a short amount of days, a new year was upon them, changing the atmosphere. And just like the snow, all of their problems will dissolve, leaving the past behind them. They would find new adventures, new problems, a new version of themselves, and they were going to do it together.

* * *

**A/N:** I just wanted to let everyone know that there is only one more chapter left of this story :( It's been an amazing ride with you all, and I had so much fun writing this story. I will say my goodbyes next chapter, but for now, make sure you review this chapter. Seeing as how this story is ending soon, I will be updating more of Confessions and finishing that, seeing as how it will be my main focus. Thanks again, for all of the reviews over the past chapters.

xoxo, Alex


	15. Fifteen: Unwritten

**A/N: **The final chapter! I just wanted to say thank you so much for all of the reviews from last chapter and the previous chapters before. It's been an amazing ride with all of you, and I thank each and everyone of you who reviewed, alerted, and favorite the story. It means so much to me. I've enjoyed writing this story, and I've enjoyed the plot and the characters that I've established them into. So thanks again to everyone for making this story your favorite and reading it for me. I smile at each and every reviews. So thank you all, once again.

A huge, huge thanks to my beta Jenna {**_chngingx3lanes** At Livejournal} who has been an amazing beta! She had helped me out so much with this story and I thank her for all of the support and kind words that she's left me when betaing the chapter.

xoxo, Alex

* * *

**Chapter Fifteen - Unwritten**

_Staring at the blank page before you  
Open up the dirty window  
Let the sun illuminate the words that you could not find  
Reaching for something in the distance  
So close you can almost taste it  
Release your inhabitations_

_Feel the rain on your skin  
No one else can feel it for you  
Only you can let it in  
No one else no one else can  
Speak the words on your lips  
Drench yourself in words unspoken  
Live your life with arms wide open  
Today is where your book begins  
The rest, is still unwritten_

"I need your help," Agnes Sparks panted, bustling herself through Jenny's bedroom door. She was carrying an abundance of shopping bags, all marked from different high-end clothing boutique around the New York area. She dumped them all onto the bed, plopping down after them, the sound of paper shopping bags rumbling in her ears.

Jenny Humphrey was sitting on the window seat, an amused smile on her face. Placing the magazine in her hand down, she turned towards her friend, feet planted firmly on the ground. "Alright, I'll bite. What do you need help with?"

Agnes bolted up right, pulling one of the paper bags onto her lap. She took a deep breath, exhaling slowly. "I need to find the perfect outfit for tonight."

She raised one eyebrow, trying to figure out why her friend needed 'the perfect outfit' for tonight, when their plans consisted of attending Rufus' New Years Eve Concert at Madison Square Garden. "How come?"

Agnes tucked a strand of brown hair behind one ear. "I wanna start the new year off right, meaning, I need to find a new look to accommodate it." Jenny bit her bottom lip, trying her best to suppress the onslaught of giggles that were threatening to escape her lips. Instead of speaking, she stayed quiet, waiting for her friend to continue her explanation. "...a new outfit signifies a new me."

There was a puzzled look that graced Jenny's features. "What's with all of the bags then?" she asked motioning to the multi-labeled shopping bags coating the bed.

"I can't ring in the new year with the wrong outfit," she explained as if the answer was stamped onto her forehead. "I have to keep my options open."

Jenny nodded, pointing a finger at her friend. "Ah ha. I should have known."

Agnes nodded, a triumphant smile on her face. It was clear to see that Agnes believed that she'd made a reasonable point. "So, what time is Nate due back in the city?"

She smiled at the mention of her boyfriend's name. She hadn't seen him since before she'd gotten out of the hospital last month. He went to visit his mother and her side of the family in the Hampton for Christmas. Jenny missed him terribly, counting the days until they were reunited. She'd talked on the phone with him, but that wasn't enough. She needed more, needed to feel the warmth of his hands on her body, the smell of his cologne, and the soft touch of his lips. Jenny had no clue as to how she was going to survive being away from him for the last two semesters of school.

"He said around noon," Jenny glanced at the digital clock on the bedside table. "…which is in like an hour."

Agnes squealed, clapping her hands together. She jumped up from the bed, dumping all of the clothes she'd brought onto the bed. "That gives you just enough time to help me find an outfit."

Jenny groaned, throwing her head back. She really didn't feel like helping Agnes find the perfect outfit, but she needed something to help time move faster, and this seemed like the perfect opportunity. "Alright, lay it on me."

The brown haired girl squealed, digging into the pile of clothes. She first pulled out a black pleaded miniskirt and checkerboard halter top. "I call this my 'Racer Chick' look, you know like deep underground car racing."

Jenny made a face, turning her thumb downwards. "The closest you've ever gotten to an underground car race was by watching Fast and the Furious."

Agnes rolled her eyes, sticking her tongue out at Jenny, before presenting a turquoise dress, with sparkles. "I call it the 'Dream Girls' look, you know like in the movie."

She had to admit, the dress was pretty, but it just didn't scream Agnes. It seemed like something Serena or any other girl at school would wear. "Add black tights, those really cute biker boots you wear, a silver clutch, and you've got the perfect outfit."

Agnes considered the possible outfit, liking the metal image in her head. Jenny smiled from her seat at the window, knowing she'd done good. "We'll add it to the maybe pile."

Jenny spent the next hour approving and declining outfits that her friend pulled from the pile. The ones that were rejected, Agnes gave to Jenny, suggesting she use them for material for something that looked much better. Jenny was gracious for the offer, picturing the fabulous designs she could come up with. Finally, Agnes decided on a pair of black skinny legged jeans, a vintage tee-shirt of Rufus' band, leather jacket, completing the look with a borrowed pair of Jenny's white and black Converse sneakers.

"So, what are you wearing to the concert tonight?" Agnes questioned, folding the decided outfit into the bag.

Jenny brought her legs up to her chest, hugging them. "I haven't really thought about it. Maybe a tee-shirt and jeans."

Agnes laughed, stuffing the lacey bra she'd brought into a bag with the rest of her clothes. She eyed her friend, trying to figure out if she was serious with her outfit choice. "I hope that tee is going to be low-cut and those jeans cuddle some serious curves."

"What are you talking about?" Jenny asked confusingly, tucking a strand of hair behind one ear. She usually did this maneuvered when she was nervous or knew she was venturing into a conversation she didn't want to have. And this time was no different.

"What am I talking about?" Agnes stopped what she was doing, throwing shirt in her hand back onto the bed. She walked towards Jenny, hands on her hips. "I'm talking about you looking hot for your boyfriend whom you haven't see in weeks."

Jenny rolled her eyes, rising from her seat. She walked over to her desk near the door, leaning back onto it. "How am I going to look 'hot' for him with these-" she pulled up the sleeve of her sweater, reveling the month old cuts. "…on my arm."

Agnes walked over to Jenny, pulling her into a tight hug. "I'm sorry." She rubbed Jenny's back soothingly, apologizing over and over. "…you can always go back to wearing bracelets."

Jenny pushed her away, laughing softly. "Why do I even have to wear something nice when we're going to be at a dark concert?"

"That's the point." Agnes started back at her as if she'd grown three heads and five pairs of arms. She walked over to the bed, picking up a tight black mini dress. "You and Nate in a dark room, music playing, rubbing up against each other."

Jenny blushed, picturing the image inside of her head. Nate's hands on her body, touching her all over. "…and?"

"…and you need to wear something tight and short to get him in the mood." Agnes stated as a confidently, like it was the most common knowledge ever known to the human race.

The small blonde looked at her confusingly. "What do you mean by 'in the mood?".

Agnes' mouth almost dropped to the floor in shock. "You're kidding me, right?" The look in her Jenny's innocent blue eyes told, Agnes that she had no idea what she was hinting at. "Jenny, getting someone in the mood means getting them horny…for sex."

Scarlet rose up Jenny's face, stopping just below her hairline. Sure she and Nate made out before, but sex was never in her line of thought, until now. "N-Nate and I never really talked about…you know."

"-sex." Agnes finished, an amused smile on her face. She was having too much fun making one her best friends flustered, especially when the topic was sex. The blush on Jenny's face deepened, if possible. "How far have you guys gotten?"

Jenny did her noticeable nervous habit of tucking a clump of hair behind one ear. She fumbled nervously with the hem of her shirt, stalling before answering the dreaded question. Taking a deep breath, she said, "One time, when we were making out, he, uh, put his hand under my shirt."

Agnes squealed, enjoying the information a little too much. She placed both hands on Jenny's shoulders. "Any skin contact?"

Jenny pushed her friend's hands away, walking over to the seat attached to the window. She pulled her legs up to her chest, resting her face against her knees. Jenny faced the window, looking out. "Aggie, can we not talk about this anymore."

"Fine," Agnes huffed, throwing the shirt in her hand back onto the bed, placing a hand on her hip. "…all I'm saying is that Nate's a guy, and you're eventually going to have to sex up your wardrobe for him?"

She stared back at her friend, a curious look on her face. Was Agnes right? Did Nate really want to have sex with her? Turning towards Agnes, Jenny asked, "Do you really think so?"

Agnes just shrugged, folding the black shirt in her palms. "I'm not saying you should go all sluttish, just remember that there is a sex bridge the two of you will eventually cross." Jenny just stared at her, words frozen.

After helping Agnes with her outfit choice for that night-black skinny-legged jeans, purple vintage concert tee with Rufus' band, leather jacket, and a borrowed pair of purple Converse sneakers from Jenny's closet-she left the clothes for Jenny to look through, telling her that anything she didn't want would be given to the little girl that lived in the building next to her mother's. Jenny was more than happy for the alone time, getting to spend it finding her own outfit for tonight's events, while blasting the stereo in her room, dancing crazily to the music that belted in her direction. The penthouse was relatively quiet, Amelia downstairs doing her work, Rufus in the city getting ready for his concert, Bex was more than likely with Rufus, and Dan was out with Serena. But while the silence was nice, it still forced Jenny to reflect back on the conversation she'd previously encountered with Agnes. Never once had Jenny thought about sex with Nate, the most of her worries dealing with him finding out about her past, but now that he knew everything, it made everything change. Now that the worst was behind them, Jenny saw herself and Nate moving on, venturing into a world that normal couples face. Which included sex and jealousy. The thought of having sex with Nate both thrilled and scared Jenny at the same time.

"Jenny?" Bex's voice rang from the door. Jenny turned, seeing her soon-to-be aunt, a smile gracing her lips. The time had picked up, just an hour before the concert was to began. Bex walked forward into the room, sitting down softly on the bed. "You look beautiful."

Jenny stood in front of the full length mirror in front of her bed, smiling at Bex's reflection. "Thanks." She was wearing a black pleaded mini skirt, dark pink tights, pink concert tee, and black fuzzy snow boots. She smoothed down the material of her pleaded miniskirt, mauve ring her body at different angles.

She turned to Bex, a skeptical look on her face. "You think it's...sexy enough." Jenny sinned in font of her, posing in her best model position.

The look on Bex's face was priceless, mixed with both shock and adoration. "Nate will love you in anything you wear." Jenny smiled brightly, turning back to face the mirror.

Bex smiled, sitting back on the bed, resting on her hands. "Oh, I almost forgot, your uncle wants to see you before the concert begins." Jenny looked at her confusingly in the mirror, silently asking why. Bex held up her hands, palms out. "No idea. He wouldn't tell me."

Jenny nodded, placing one earring in her right ear, then the other. She and Bex stayed silent for a while, just enjoying one another's company. Every few minutes, Bex would suggest Jenny add or take something away from her outfit, making it not too flashy.

The small white intercom on Jenny's beside table beeped, Amelia's voice flowing through. "Miss Jenny, you have a visitor."

Jenny grinned, turning to Bex, the both of them knowing who the visitor could be. Nate had called earlier, explaining to Jenny that he wouldn't get into the city until late, but would no doubt be present for the concert. Jenny was bummed at first, wanting badly to see him, but got over it after remembering her conversation with Agnes. Jenny took off running from her room, taking the steps down to the living room two at a time. When she reached the bottom, Nate was standing in the living room, a smile graced his features when he saw her. She launched herself into his arms. He caught her quickly, embracing her tightly to his chest.

"I missed you!" Jenny exclaimed after they pulled away, kissing the bottom of his chin. He leaned forward, capturing his lips with hers in a sweet kiss.

"I missed you, too." He looked her up and down, smiling at her outfit. He tugged at the bottom of her tee shirt, smiling. "Nice, we match." He opened the front of his jacket, revealing the same shirt she was wearing only in a different color.

Jenny smiled, resting her chin on his chest, looking up into his cobalt blue eyes. "Good. Now everyone will know we go together," Jenny giggled softly, impressed by her own cleverness. He leaned down, kissing the softness of her lips.

She took his hand, pulling him up the stairs into her room. Thankfully, Bex was gone, avoiding any kind of awkward moment. Nate plopped down on the bed while Jenny placed herself back in front of the mirror. "Where is everyone?"

Jenny removed the hoop earring from her ear, replacing them with the diamond studs Rufus brought her a month prior. "They should be here in like two minutes."

Nate's reflection nodded, laying back on the bed. "Is Eric bringing his girlfriend, Madison?"

She walked over to the bed, laying down next to him. "I don't know. She might still be a little weirded out about...you know." Jenny laid her head on Nate's chest, listening to the beat of his heart.

"I can understand that." Nate stoked her hair, running his fingers through it. He leaned down and kissed the top of her forehead. "My mom said she can't wait to meet you this summer."

Jenny sat up abruptly, her head spinning a little. "What did you just say?"

Nate chucked, pulling her back down onto his chest, holding onto her tightly. "My mom is excited about meeting you this summer."

She wrapped her arm around his stomach. "Is she coming to the city?" Jenny looked up at him, awaiting an answer.

He shook is head, a smile on his face. "You and I are going to stay with her in the Hampton this summer." Nate laughed even harder when he saw the look of shock and panic on her face. "Your uncle already said it was alright."

Jenny sat up quickly, maneuvering her body so that she was straddling his hips. There was a bright smile on her face. "This summer is going to be perfect." Jenny leaned down, kissing his lips roughly.

* * *

The outside surrounding the venue was packed, people waiting in lines to have their tickets checked, and entering one of the biggest concerts of the New Year. The lights outside were blinding, shining brightly, lighting up the last night of the year. The excitement surrounding the large group of people was radiating, visible from the highest part of the outer space. Inside of the building was no different. People dressed in vintage concert tees, some buying new ones, and others in their own clothing were smiling, giddy with joy. The seats were minutes away from being full, the crowd anticipating the arrival of their favorite band to play, ringing in the new year with their number one hits. It was the first time Jenny was getting to experience one of her uncle's concerts in this manner. Usually, she would arrive with the band, watching the entire concert from backstage, but tonight was different. Tonight, Jenny and the rest of her friends were going to experience the concert from the audience. And for the first time, she'd understand just why her uncle and his band received so many fans.

"Uncle Rufus?" Jenny asked softly, after knocking on the door. She pushed it open softly, seeing her uncle sitting in his chair in the corner, a guitar in his hands, playing softly. When he saw her, he looked up and smiled. Jenny smiled back, walking over to him. "Hey."

"Hey." Rufus placed the guitar next to his chair. He stood up, retrieving a small blue box from the table against the wall. He motioned for Jenny to sit with him on the couch. Rufus took a deep breath before beginning, "This past year has been hard on all of us, especially you, dealing with change. And I'm so sorry for what you've had to deal with when it comes to your parents."

Jenny tenses slightly, sensing where the conversation was going. "Uncle Rufus, it's not your fault." She placed her hand over his, a reassuring smile on her face.

Rufus scratched at the hair on his chin. "But it is my fault. I was too busy with my own life to see what your father was doing to you, and what you were doing to yourself." She saw the guilt on his face, wanting more than anything to take it away, but she knew it was a problem that both he and Dan were going to live with for a long time. He ran a hand over his face, trying to place the right words together without becoming too emotional. "-I could have stopped it sooner, but I didn't, and that's something I will never forgive myself for. Jenny, what I'm trying to say is that I will do anything I can to protect you."

Jenny smiled, nodding softly. "I know, and I thank you so much for that, but you don't have to. I'm alright now, and apart of me believes that I'm no longer the girl I was when I lived in Brooklyn with them."

Rufus smiled, proud at how much strength she was showing. She was definitely not the girl she used to be. He placed the blue box in her hand, waiting for her to open it. When she did, Jenny smiled. Inside was a locket. She looked up a Rufus, and he smiled, tilting his head. "Open it."

Jenny opened the locket. On the inside was the lyrics to her uncle's song, the one he'd written for her, but there were words on the other side of the locket she hadn't recognized. She looked up and him confusingly. "It's the lyrics to my new song."

"Thank you." Jenny leaned forward, embracing her uncle into a tight hug. "-and thanks for letting me spend the summer with Nate and his mom." Rufus murmured a soft 'your welcome' before pulling apart from her.

The two of the talked a while, Rufus telling Jenny the rules while she was away with Nate for the summer. He wanted her to call him every night to make sure she was alright. He also informed her that Dan would be in the Hampton with her that summer as well, he spending his with Serena and her family like he did every summer since they began dating. He also informed Jenny that since she would be spending the rest of the school year at SJCB that she would accompany him on his first tour of the new year until the summer hit and school was out. Rufus also broke the good news about him and Bex, the two of them finally setting a date for the wedding.

After a while, Jenny left Rufus and the band to get ready, while she searched for Nate, Dan, Serena, Eric, and Agnes. She walked slowly looking to see if they were in the spot where she'd left them when entering Rufus' dressing room. The backstage area was packed, and Jenny had to push her way though, accidentally bumping into a girl and her friends. She apologized quickly to the girl, but there was something about her that seemed familiar to Jenny. And then it dawned on her, she and the girl coming face-to-face. It was Vanessa Abrams, her boyfriend's ex! This was also the girl that was semi-responsible for her relapse almost two months ago. She looked the same as before, the black crows nest on the top of her head still in tack, highlighting her evil nature even more.

Jenny and Vanessa started at each other, neither saying a word. But that was soon short-lived when the dark haired beauty spoke, her voice like pins scratching on a chalkboard. "Excuse you."

Jenny rolled her eyes, before walking away, but was stopped when someone's hand grabbed her wrist. She turned to see Vanessa. Jenny sighed, facing her. "What?"

Vanessa squared her shoulder, licking her lips, getting ready to speak. Her friends were all behind her, waiting. "I heard about you little…accident. I have to say I found the cry for attention rather pathetic."

The pace of Jenny's heart began to speed up. It was just like the Snow Flake Alumni Ball, the two of them face-to-face, enjoying a night that was suppose to be happy for the both of them. But there was something about this night that seemed different. Jenny was different. Like she told Rufus minutes earlier, she was no longer the scared little girl she used to be in Brooklyn. She'd suffered through so much already, and a bitchy ex girlfriend wasn't about to slow her down, not again.

Jenny took a step forward, getting in Vanessa's face. "You know what Vanessa, I think you're pathetic." The look of shock that cover the girls face was priceless.

"Excuse me?" Vanessa's voice was a little shaky from shock. She had expected Jenny to stay quiet, let her be insulted like that last time. Vanessa moved forward, hand on one hip. "What did you just say to me?"

"I said that you were pathetic." Jenny tossed coolly, a shrug of her shoulder. "You're a bitter, convincing lonely girl and I feel really sorry for you."

Vanessa's eyes widened. She looked over her shoulder at her friends, their expressions amused, but not by Vanessa's comebacks. "You feel sorry for me? The girl that cuts herself? The psycho feels sorry for me?"

Jenny nodded, Vanessa's insults never touching her. "I may have cut myself in the past, but I can live with that, and who I am, but you can't." She folded her arms across the front of her jacket. "You're a shame and I don't know why I'm even wasting my time with you." She turned, walking away, leaving Vanessa in the same place she'd left her almost two moths ago. Alone, trying to find her voice, and a grip on the world and herself.

When Jenny reached her friends, they were already in their seats, getting ready for the concert to began. They were up in the box, away from the crowd, with a great view of the entire concert.

"Where have you been?" Eric asked her, once she took her seat in-between him and Nate. He was wearing a black concert tee, just like the ones in the lobby being sold.

Jenny shrugged. "I had to take care of something."

When the concert started, the crowd cheered, everyone standing up, singing and dancing along with the band. Jenny held onto Nate, swaying back and forth with him. She thought about what Agnes said, and how Nate was a guy that would eventually want to have sex with her. It all seemed so frightening, but there was a part of her that couldn't wait. She loved Nate, and dancing there in his arms she thought about giving herself to him, the two of them becoming connected in the most intimate way possible. Jenny knew that Nate was experienced and although she wasn't, there was a feeling inside of her that knew he's be gentle with her, take everything slow. Maybe they wouldn't have sex tonight, or the next night, but Jenny knew that whenever that bridge was going to be crossed, she would be ready and so would Nate. But for now, she just wanted to live in the moment, enjoy having someone that she loved and loved her back.

Towards the end of the concert, Rufus walked towards the microphone, sitting down on a stool in front of it. He tapped it lightly with his finger, saying something into it. "Hey everybody!"

The crowd cheered in response and Rufus smiled, loving the audience. "In a couple of minutes its going to be the start of a new year, but before we count down, I'd like to sing a new song for you guys." More cheering erupted from the crowd, and as always Rufus smiled, soaking it all in. He was handed a guitar by someone, who moved back into the shadows. "This song was written for a very special person in my life. Her name is Jenny, and she's my niece, and she is actually in the crowd tonight with my son and their friends."

Jenny smiled brightly, as the crowd cheered. Rufus waved his hands around, trying to calm the crowd, a huge smile on his face. "Alright, alright. The song is called, undefined. Jenny, this one is for you, my blue-eyed girl."

Rufus began to strum his guitar, the rest of the band following through, playing their instruments softly. Rufus pressed his lips to the microphone, and began to sing, "She sits there, staring softly at the moonlight, illuminating her smile…she's the girl, the girl that still is yet undefined…".

When the song was over, the crowd cheered, and Rufus thanked them. Jenny sat silent, the tears falling from her face. It was then that she realized that the unrecognizable lyrics in the locket Rufus gave her was the song he'd just sung, and unlike "Blue-Eyed Girl" this song was about how she'd over come all odds, how she's fought the inner demons inside, reclaiming her life and who she was. Jenny felt Nate's hand on her thigh, and she leaned over and smiled at him.

When the countdown began, Jenny looked around her, seeing the happy faces of the friends and family she'd made since her life changed on that fateful night. If asked to go back and change her life, wipe all of the abuse and cutting away, Jenny would pass it up, for the simple fact that she wouldn't have these people surrounding her. Jenny would have Eric, his bright smile and kind nature, she wouldn't have Agnes, the girl with the bright personality and big heart, she would have Serena, her high-pitched laugh and stunning features, hell she wouldn't even have Blair and Chuck, who refused to spend their New Year at a sweaty Rock Concert. And more importantly, Jenny wouldn't have Nate. He was the one thing in her life that made it all seemed worth it. And maybe that's why she was so hurt, quick to believe Vanessa's words that night, but looking at him now, she knew that he loved her just as much as she did him.

After the excitement of the concert, Jenny and the rest of her friends all headed out to the local diner blocks away from the arena. Thankfully is wasn't as full inside, but on the outside people were cheering, ringing in the New Year. Fireworks were shooting above the sky, displaying the New Year. Jenny smiled up at them as she walked hand in hand with Nate down the side walk and into the dinner. They ordered two large baskets of fries and burgers to split between the six of them.

"I'm so glad I wore this outfit," Agnes exclaimed, removing her jacket, and draping it across the back of her chair. "It's the perfect one to ring in the new year."

Jenny laughed, throwing a fry at in her direction. The slim potato hit Agnes in the chest, everyone including her started to crake up. Jenny was sitting in Nate's lap, his arms wrapped around her waist. "Did I tell you guys that I'm touring with Rufus while you all will be in school?"

"What?" Eric said astonished. He leaned forward over the table, waiting for her to confirm. Jenny nodded, giggling softly. "-that is so cool!"

The six of them laughed and talked, going over New Year's Resolutions that they've made. Agnes resolutions mostly included getting boyfriend, while Eric wanted to work things out with Madison, Serena wanted to make better grades, Nate talked about his dad, and when time came for Dan to speak, he was gone. Jenny turned and spotted him outside, standing alone in the cold.

"I'll be back." Jenny grabbed her jacket, slipping on her, walking outside to join Dan. She stood next to him, breathing in the cold air. Jenny reached over, touching his arm. "You alright?"

Dan turned to look at her, a small smile on his face. He nodded. "Just needed some air is all."

She nodded, looking into the sky, watching the fireworks shoot across the sky, blasting in the air. "We've come a long way, uh?"

Dan smiled into the sky. "We have. You have the most, though."

Jenny smiled at his words, thinking to herself of the changes her life had made since before that night, months ago. Back then, Jenny never thought about where she'd be, just hoped and prayed she'd survive another year after leaving with her father. "Where do you think we'll end up this year?"

He looked at her, then back into the sky just as a burst of green and blue fireworks lit up the sky. "…this coming year is still unwritten."

Without turning from the sky, Jenny asked, "Do you think I'll ever find out who I am?"

Dan turned his eyes away from the sky and back to her. They started at each other, not saying a word, until Dan asked, "What you mean?"

Jenny sighed, tucking a strand of hair behind one ear. "I mean, that most people I know can describe themselves in one word and I can't."

"That's because you're not just one adjective." He explained, just as another color highlighted the sky. "…just like the future, the rest of who you are is still unwritten."

And he was right. All this time, she'd been aiming for one word to describe who she was when in reality she was a lot of things. She was tough, the girl that could stand her ground against the toughest of situations. She was scared, the girl that needed her family and friends to pick her up at times when she was down. She was smart, the girl that could answer a complicated math problem in three seconds. She was loving, the girl that gave love to all of those around her. She was teenager, who loved spending time with her friends and family. She was broken, the girl that suffered through so much, that still struggled to get over it all. She was more than just one person, she was multiple, making up one person that had ups and downs.

She was Jennifer Marie Humphrey; the girl in the mirror.

.-END-.


End file.
